What on Earth has Happened to Kids These Days?

fureverywhere

fureverywhere

beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
Location
Northern NJ, USA
I blame much of it on our litigious society. Adults even children eager to launch a lawsuit over nothing at all. But I just can't even fathom this happening when I was in high school...

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And we weren't any ******* angels. In the early 70's it was sex and drugs and rock n' roll. But defiance was smoking in the bathroom and maybe using a lighter to burn your initials in the ceiling...scribbling graffiti on a desk. Once a year maybe a playground brawl that lasted until the teachers showed up. But the teachers? The principal? Even through high school you'd jump out a window rather than go to the principal. Now they body slam him...a world gone mad right down to our children.
 

Perhaps we should ask, what has happened to the adults????? Lots of violence perpetrated by them also. Ie the gung ho officer who tossed the teenager for noncompliance? When I was a kid, a teacher hauled a kid out of a desk and hit him for using a bad word. No acceptable either, but in those times children had few rights. Now, supposedly, we know better??
 
I think you can blame a lot of today's nonsense on our entertainment media. Today's kids have grown up seeing nothing but senseless violence on TV and in the movies....to the point where they probably think that such actions are acceptable. Then, we have become saturated with "political correctness". Now, if anyone tries to discipline a child, they risk being arrested for child abuse. When I was a sassy headstrong brat, my Dad had a way of "fixing" my attitudes, and there were several times that I did not sit too well for a couple of days....but I learned Not to try that "trick" again.

As for lawsuits, the US has 6 times the number of lawyers, per capita, as nearly any other nation...they need Something to keep their cash flow going. The ONLY way to stop most of these frivolous lawsuits would be a policy that required the loser to pay the legal costs for Both Parties.
 

Don M. said:
As for lawsuits, the US has 6 times the number of lawyers, per capita, as nearly any other nation...they need Something to keep their cash flow going. The ONLY way to stop most of these frivolous lawsuits would be a policy that required the loser to pay the legal costs for Both Parties.
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Agree, too many lawyers mean too many lawsuits, which means only the lawyers benefit in the long run. But, requiring the LOSER to pay, means that often the innocent become the victim. The winner is then the loser, in reality. imp
 
Hmm. Not sitting well for a couple of days is a fond memory? Mental health professionals call that level of corporal punishment abuse, and would place your successes as an adult in the in spite of column, rather than the because of section. Fear is a

powerful motivator in short term behavioural modification, but research indicates that over a lifetime, other teaching methods
fare far better. Morality should be learned through modeling, not beatings. There are other ways of imparting consequences for

negative attitudes/actions. My children grew up without me raising a hand to them. My son, in particular, was born strong willed. He had debating skills in place by the time he was four years old. Eek! At thirty-three, he is an educated, responsible


person in a supervisory position. His wife will graduate from law school in the spring. They both have a strong social conscience. My nephew is a physician with Medecin Sans Fronteres. That life of service speaks for itself. Of course, young
people such as these do not often capture the interest of a sensationalistic media. The young people of Canada, millenials,

many of them Aboriginal, came out to vote in unprecedented numbers in our recent Federal election. Mes Amis, they care! This is a far more accurate representation of today's youth, than those troubled souls who fuel negative headlines. If my

generation were the therapy pioneers, this generation embraces counseling as a natural tool for combating emotional distress, no different than treating physical problems. This bodes well for future generations.
 
I remember being hit and humiliated as a child... by a man who was supposed to love me and protect me my daddy.. I loved him so much... I was also terrified of him. What kind of a mixed message does that send to kids?
 
I blame it all on social media, the internet.
THINK...go back 10-15 years ago we were all doing fine till someone mentioned Facebook.
 
My deepest sympathy for your sad and frightening experience QS. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned mixed messages. This type of violence can permanently warp a child's sense of trust, and make it very difficult for them to embrace

intimacy or anything they perceive as vulnerability/loss of control. Uncondtional love is not necessarily viewed as 'safe.' Confusion around violence equals power may also cause problems later in life. Some embrace that view as an antidote to

feeling victimised, with predictably scary results. Others with shattered self esteem find violent partners. The lucky ones pick their way out of an emotional minefield, determined that the abuse stops with them. They choose moderation and search out healthy choices. I applaud their courage, and strength of purpose. They are warriors for a better world.
 
Personally here in Canada, I blame our Young Offenders Act https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Offenders_Act. That was passed here in 1985 . And it basically gave kids all the rights in the world to be little turds. Parents and teachers lost the ability to discipline children because kids could easily "threaten, and even pursue action" against adults if they felt they were being harmed. With this came complacency from parents, and society in general, and kids continued to act more and more like entitled, spoiled brats.
As well as a society of Parents who prefer to be their kids "friends" instead of their parents.
As well as society because so many families have working parents and kids are left to roam free.
As well as society (especially western culture) where we have all but abolished the structure of "it takes a village to raise a child"
As well as society where kids have no concept of consequences or respect for others.
 
fishfulthinking said:
Personally here in Canada, I blame our Young Offenders Act https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Offenders_Act. That was passed here in 1985 . And it basically gave kids all the rights in the world to be little turds. Parents and teachers lost the ability to discipline children because kids could easily "threaten, and even pursue action" against adults if they felt they were being harmed. With this came complacency from parents, and society in general, and kids continued to act more and more like entitled, spoiled brats.
As well as a society of Parents who prefer to be their kids "friends" instead of their parents.
As well as society because so many families have working parents and kids are left to roam free.
As well as society (especially western culture) where we have all but abolished the structure of "it takes a village to raise a child"
As well as society where kids have no concept of consequences or respect for others.
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I'm not in Canada, but I believe the exact things have happened here. Kids have no sense of personal responsibility for their actions and no sense of consequences, because they never experience any REAL consequences for misbehavior and when in teenagers, no consequences for disobeying the law. Here where I live, they routinely get only a slap on the wrist, if even that, until they finally do something so awful that some judge has to do something. Gangs routinely send the younger kids in to rob, etc., because they'll get no real consequences, even if caught. I
 
QuickSilver said:
I remember being hit and humiliated as a child... by a man who was supposed to love me and protect me my daddy.. I loved him so much... I was also terrified of him. What kind of a mixed message does that send to kids?
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Have you always believed this past had serious effect upon you? I reflect back that my own Dad never once hugged me, and showed very little affection, though he always was eager to teach me things beneficial, mechanical. imp
 
imp said:
Have you always believed this past had serious effect upon you? I reflect back that my own Dad never once hugged me, and showed very little affection, though he always was eager to teach me things beneficial, mechanical. imp
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Yes of course. How can one not be affected. On one hand you have this very big person holding you and hugging you and telling you how much they love you.. THEN if you step out of line no matter how minor.. or just make a mistake you are slapped.. spanked, and screamed at with hurtful comments, and scaring the living hell out of you. .. Is that not a mixed message? How can you ever trust what someone says about loving you? OR do you not get a very skewed view of what love is? who knows.
 
Your tone reflects the pain. Maybe I should not have asked the question. Reason I did, anyway, is that my nephew, now 64, has always blamed all of his fears and idiosyncrasies on having had alcoholic parents. He joined a group long ago called "Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents", ACAP. The therapy proved fruitless. imp
 
Perhaps a more personalized therapy could help your nephew Imp. Group therapy according to the ACOA bible is not for everyone. Many people find it restrictive and overly contrite. Group therapy of any kind ultimately left me depressed.
 
imp said:
Your tone reflects the pain. Maybe I should not have asked the question. Reason I did, anyway, is that my nephew, now 64, has always blamed all of his fears and idiosyncrasies on having had alcoholic parents. He joined a group long ago called "Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents", ACAP. The therapy proved fruitless. imp
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Oh heavens no... at 66 with parents and childhood long behind.. I've stopped blaming anyone.. They, after all, did the best they could with the tools they had.. ... I honestly believe they felt they were doing the right things.. They were not really educated or deep thinking people. I think it's a HUGE cop out to continue blaming parents for our shortcomings.. There comes a time one has to take responsibility for oneself and turn the page.
 
imp said:
Your tone reflects the pain. Maybe I should not have asked the question. Reason I did, anyway, is that my nephew, now 64, has always blamed all of his fears and idiosyncrasies on having had alcoholic parents. He joined a group long ago called "Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents", ACAP. The therapy proved fruitless. imp
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I tried ACOA... Adult Children of Alcoholics and found it a huge waste of my precious time. It didn't seem anyone wanted to hear positive things and steps forward. It seemed to be a contest over who had the worst childhood and who was damaged the most... Not my cup of tea as I am a very positive person. I didn't need THAT stuff.. It was the most depressing hour of my week... Who wants to sit around while people tell the same horror stories over and over?
 
I remember being hit and humiliated as a child... by a man who was supposed to love me and protect me my daddy.. I loved him so much... I was also terrified of him. What kind of a mixed message does that send to kids?

Yeah my Mum was a slapper. Hard too because we were just opposite personalities. She was a tank and I was a mouse. But she would so often say how ashamed she was of my behavior, it stayed with me. I mean she's been gone almost thirty years. I'm probably the age she was at the time. But man I can still feel it even now. But sometimes a touch of fear can be a good thing. My middle daughter trampled over us when she lived at home. If my purse was anywhere visible something would be missing from it. With my Mum you walked across the room rather than walk near her handbag. Crap, there has to be a happy medium ya know?
 
verbal-abuse-fist-in-mouth2.jpg
 
I guess another question to consider is how discipline can shape kids in a positive way. Not corporal punishment or verbal abuse at all but just having high expectations for them and consequences if they don't comply. See with my sons I always felt I was too harsh with them when they were young. They had school, sports, the oldest was in band and chorus too. I wanted them to excel and they did. With my oldest and middle daughter it was different and it shouldn't have been. The oldest was a firecracker from birth. I could fill pages with her antics. I let her get away with so much because she was just overwhelming sometimes. An example-she was about 4 years old and we lived in an apartment complex. While I was in the bathroom she unlocked the front door and took a walk.

I ran outside and carried her home, but someone had already called child services. The social worker was sitting at my table asking why my girl was out unsupervised, how did she get out? There was a wall divider next to the front door. I called my little angel over "Annie, show the nice lady how you opened the door". Smiling she ran over to the wall and scooted up the divider, opened the lock, lowered herself and opened the handle and tahhdahh. The worker walked out muttering " Don't turn your back on her". Just stuff like that, then with a younger sister she could teach someone everything she knew.

The boys grew up successful, intelligent and stable. The girls grew to be bitter and still defiant, angry because I didn't make them behave...eating disorders, cutting, drugs, jail... Yeah I still remember that same daughter trying to wing an end table at me. To make you behave I would have needed at least pepper spray. So the right kind of discipline can make a big difference.
 
I believe disciple is important. Kids need rules and boundaries.. But discipline is not abuse and should be done in a way that preserves self esteem. No human.. no matter what age should be humiliated or physically harmed
 
Childhood Protection

"So the right kind of discipline can make a big difference"

"But discipline is not abuse and should be done in a way that preserves self esteem"

The "system", in it's efforts to do good, has created a seriously flawed policy of protecting children from abuse, both in the home and in school. It's flawed in that it opens up possibilities for "abuse of the abuses". I have several retired teacher friends who often complain of the manacles which were placed on them during their later years of teaching, regarding removal of discretionary power previously unquestioned. The teaching arena had become "controlled from without".

Nowadays, kids have sued parents, school systems, bullies' parents, police, based on changed mores regarding simply being a child. Easy for me to babble here, not having had children of my own, but nonetheless, I did raise two teenagers, and have no regrets about the methods I used. imp
 
With respect, I think in the end, Imp, providing the kids you raised are reasonably normal, functioning human beings, the final word regarding the success/failure/appropriate/inappropriate measures used in raising them is in their hands. We all face the


judgement of our adult children sooner or later. Sometimes they forgive us for the mistakes we inevitably made. Such is life among imperfect people. When my son called me on my errors, I stood accountable, apologised. We have moved on to a

stronger connection. Our relationship is still somewhat one sided, as he is not yet ready to be culpable for his own negative

actions toward his mother. My nephew, on the other hand, has no complaints. Different strokes for different folks. It is easy I think to measure all kids by the recalcitrant few who make headlines. That would be unfair IMHO. In my experience, and I deal

with young people on a regular basis, most young people are caring decent individuals.
 
Well, I know several teachers who have just thrown in the towel on teaching because of the behavior of children nowdays and the teachers' inability to take any disciplinary action at all (I don't mean corporal punishment) without having to deal with angry parents, or worse defiance from the children. When I was a kiddo, if I got in trouble with the teacher, my parents took the teacher's side and pretty much said I had to learn to deal with it, as dealing with authority is part of life. Nowdays, parents get angry at the teacher "how could you possibly pull my little darling off the schoolground for bullying? Obviously it is a lie and the other kids are lying about him and it's all your fault." Or "my little darling would NEVER use such language in class!" My neighbor was struck by an angry child. That's when she decided to forget the whole teaching thing.

Go by a schoolground when they are out at recess, and listen to the language coming out of their mouths. A lot of it would make a sailor blush!
 

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