Reasons why Marriages Fall Apart

I think the reason most marriages fall apart is because at least one of the partners didn't know marriage requires sacrifices and compromises, or didn't know how much you have to sacrifice and negotiate and that some of it is personal, like sacrificing personal freedom, negotiating how you spend your own earnings, resetting your priorities...that sort of stuff.

I think most people don't know that marriage is really hard sometimes, and they just aren't willing to tough it out.
 

Murrmurr said:
It sounds very believable to me. For some men, especially ones who sit around playing video games, a wife telling him it's time to find a job is a stark reminder that he isn't acting like a man. He was already thinking it; he lost it because she verified it.
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With the additional context @oldman provided above, I can see why and how this played out as it did.
 
StarSong said:
I've seen a lot of divorces over the years, but very few were high drama like drugs, alcohol, spousal abuse, gambling or persistent unemployment.

Most happened because of cheating or a general lack of truthfulness, the stress of financial pressures, inherent incompatibility, or the slow, steady erosion of love that results from constant sniping, undermining or general rudeness toward one another.

I think there's more to the story about the disintegration of your sister-in-law's marriage breakup, @oldman. Not saying your BIL wasn't a bum and perhaps an abuser, just that you're only hearing one side. Slapping someone and kicking her out of the house with a "do not return- even for your stuff" policy (that she apparently accepted) is a very disproportionate response for someone whose partner merely "approached him about looking for a job."

After all, we're all the heroes of our own stories...
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This lady doesn’t keep secrets. She said she was glad to leave that marriage mostly because he didn’t want to do things she was interested in. He was glad to go to the casino and blow $5G. He was well off as was my s-i-l. However, when he lost his job because the job was going south and she didn’t want to go to Georgia. His family had their trusts set up, so the kids would get their money quarterly. He always seemed to run out before the quarter was over and would get money from his wife. That got old.

My s-i-l enjoyed playing golf, going to concerts, cooking in her kitchen and traveling on short trips. My wife and I would fly to Chicago, Denver, Dallas and other cities for lunch. Sometimes, my s-i-l would ask my wife if she could take her place and she would fly with me somewhere for lunch and maybe do a little shopping and come back home. She really loved it. We would pay for upgrade and fly FC, if available. She was like a live electric wire. Full of vigor and life.
 

DaveA said:
I can hardly believe the crap about "laying a hand on me". That date, in our case would have ended right then. Someone is dating a series of bums that needs to be told this ?

My wife and I met on a blind date back in 1953, were married in '56, and are still together. All 4 of our kids are in their 60's and close to us and to each other. Hard to understand the need for that "hands on me" statement but thankfully we never needed to warn each other about "bad behavior".
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Back then, I knew plenty of mistreated woman. Many of them never reported it to the police, or did but refused to testify. I was determined not to become one of them.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I think that too many of us fall in love with what could be instead of what is.

I grew up surrounded by too many bad examples of what marriage could do to two basically decent loving people and decided that it wasn’t for me.
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I always watched these dumb Doris Day movies and somehow was so dumb to think that's real. Her real life was real. She married 5 times or so and ended with a bunch of dogs. I once saw Rock Hudson's ex. She was so naive, she thought it was real love. She wanted to save their marriage. She said: I can't watch these movies and then I was like: Me neither anymore because of her. Lol the first time we went on a walk I was disappointed that my ex didn't start singing like Cliff Richard did muhahaha. Cliff, he's still single. They should add warnings with these movies like on a pack of cigarettes. Dangerous. This can kill you. Only Madness is honest about it.
 
Trade said:
That's exactly what my ex wife did. Then she filed for divorce, had the court kick me out of the house and had her boy friend move in the day after I left. I was pretty ticked off at the time but now I feel like the Dude did me a big favor taking her off my hands. And a few years later she divorced him too.
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Funny how karma works out.
 
I think one of the reasons some marriages fall apart is because some people have absolutely no business ever getting married in the first place. My dad was one. My mom told me that she had read once that a lot of teenagers who are attractive enough to easily get dates usually can only go about 3 weeks before getting bored with their romantic partner and she realized that's the way my dad was: due to being an only child "mama's boy" (whose mother was nuts), he never matured beyond being a teenager.

I guess that's actually better than my Huzz's dad: my poor mother-in-law found out that Huzz's dad cheated on her on their wedding night.

And I know women do it too, I've heard tales of brides being caught cheating on their husbands at their weddings!
 
I can add my 2 bobs worth …..When I met my hubby in 1986 we both had pre teen ….and teen ..kids ….well if that wasn’t enough

and interfering ex ( his ) who had left him for another ~ was remarried she’d send snail mail to hubs saying your getting to skinny ~ he’s never been fat ….she‘s …(meaning me )

chatting the kids ( in my own home ) …....it went in and on …..to be brutally honest I was ready to say ..look …maybe you go get another rental …and we can just maybe spend weekends together when you don’t have the kids

I owed a home …well I had a very small mortgage …


They never asked if they could stay ..extra times just expected to …they’d come to our home right from school …without asking~~ as they hated their mothers husband …

they were
11 and 14 at the time …..mine were the same age …

Prior to meeting hubs ..he’d have / see the kids once a fortnight ….but they came over every weekend ….and during the week after I was on the scene ….so that tested out how strong our relationship was ….

Thank goodness the ex and the kids moved to Adelaide a year or so latter ….to escape her alcoholic / abusive ..old husband she left ~ my hubs to marry …..

That was a long time ago ….we've been married coming up 39 years now
 
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Here's my data point for you. My wife and I had been married for between four and five years and I wasn't happy. I went to a therapist to deal with my happiness issues (because I thought it was just my issue) and she had my wife and I come in on the next three visits that came with my company's mental health program. At the end of those sessions the psychiatrist suggested I go to adult child AlAnon meetings and that my wife go to meetings as well.

I went to meetings and started learning about the unhealthy patterns in our relationship. I also sent to CODA (Codependents Anonymous) meetings which focused more on relationship issues. She never went to any meetings and didn't try to work on our issues. Eventually I decided I didn't want to be married to her anymore and said I wanted to split up. It was one of the most difficult things I ever did but it has also been one of the best things I've ever done.

I'm at peace with it because I tried to work on things but she didn't. So sometimes people get divorces because one person wants to work on the relationship issues and the other one doesn't want to.
 
My sister is still happily married. BIL got less attention when they got a baby and tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away and never told her. That's also a reason. The wrong one will go for it.
 
CallMeKate said:
No need to apologize for a long post... loved reading it. And you have quite a bunch of in-laws (uh... outlaws, I guess, considering the troublemakers are actually the people they marry into!) Uh wait, that would include you, too, wouldn't it? 😁

That thing you said you know I was thinking about sis-in-law being a spoiled brat, nope, wasn't thinking that at all. I was thinking that a woman should never EVER be struck and now with your explanation, I understand why the "being thrown out" happened as it did. And yes, she's probably naive, but I'm guessing it's just a woman who wants to be truly loved and appreciated like every other human, yes?

Am I very terrible for having a smile reading about your dad-in-law being caught red-handed with the littering?

About that dog... if you really want to make points with the missus, try a bengal tiger...they're stunning. 🤭

I'm so sorry to hear about your other sister-in-law who was murdered. How positively horrid! I will keep my thoughts to myself about that monster's sentence being commuted. 🤬
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CallMeKate said:
No need to apologize for a long post... loved reading it. And you have quite a bunch of in-laws (uh... outlaws, I guess, considering the troublemakers are actually the people they marry into!) Uh wait, that would include you, too, wouldn't it? 😁

That thing you said you know I was thinking about sis-in-law being a spoiled brat, nope, wasn't thinking that at all. I was thinking that a woman should never EVER be struck and now with your explanation, I understand why the "being thrown out" happened as it did. And yes, she's probably naive, but I'm guessing it's just a woman who wants to be truly loved and appreciated like every other human, yes?

Am I very terrible for having a smile reading about your dad-in-law being caught red-handed with the littering?

About that dog... if you really want to make points with the missus, try a bengal tiger...they're stunning. 🤭

I'm so sorry to hear about your other sister-in-law who was murdered. How positively horrid! I will keep my thoughts to myself about that monster's sentence being commuted. 🤬
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I thought it was funny too when the cop came over and told my F-I-L he was being arrested for loitering right after I suggested he pick up his trash and dispose of it properly. After the cop walked away, he looked at me and told me not to say a thing. I shook my head.

I was very lucky that my wife didn’t turn out like the other kids in the family, but she was spoiled. She likes the better things in life, but she’s not a fanatical about getting them. If we can’t fly first class, she will sit in coach, BUT she has me buy the row, so no stranger sits with us in 3-row seating. I buy the third seat and it sits empty. I don’t ask why. It was never important to me. I always thought of it as a quirk. I have met other passengers with much worser quirks.

I don’t know how this happened. A woman got on the plane with several packages from shopping. She thought she could use a whole overhead bin. The flight attendant (F/A) told her they would have to stow some under the plane. The lady said she had crystal in the one bag. The F/A told her to keep that one under the seat. She didn’t like that idea. So, to make a long story short, she bought a first class seat and used an overhead bin in coach and one in first class. We ended up being late leaving because of all this shuffle. TSA should never had let her through.

To be clear, this woman was not part of my wife’s family, but she would have fit in. This happened in LA. Californians are hard to work with. They want things done a certain way and won’t relent if they aren’t.
 
CallMeKate said:
I hear some Pennsylvanians can be that way, too... of course I wouldn't know personally, but...

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Okay, okay, I'll admit I'm not big on change either. But I don't think I'm hard to work with. :unsure:
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Californian women are particular with who they sit beside in coach. If they don’t care for the person beside them, they have issues why they need to change. The seat is loose, the person beside them smells or has too much perfume and it effects their asthma, etc.

That’s just a taste of what goes on.
CallMeKate said:
I hear some Pennsylvanians can be that way, too... of course I wouldn't know personally, but...

View attachment 474163

Okay, okay, I'll admit I'm not big on change either. But I don't think I'm hard to work with. :unsure:
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Californian women’s number one reason why they need to move to another seat in coach.
The lady beside her or the man beside her has too much perfume or aftershave on and it effects her asthma.
By company rules, we have to move her, if able to, meaning, if an empty seat is available or another passenger
Is willing to switch seats. It doesn’t always happen.

So, next time you don’t like your seat, this is an excuse you can use to get closer to the front (maybe).
 
Californians are no different from any other state's residents in my experience. Most people - no matter where they're from or currently living - try to be accommodating and don't consider themselves above the rules.

I was once seated in a middle seat on a flight from LAX to Vancouver. The flight was almost fully booked when I bought the ticket and only middle seats were available. The people on either side of me were married and h-u-g-e. Instead of sucking it up and sitting next to each other so I could have the window or aisle seat, they kept me in the middle and slopped into my space with their bodies, arms and legs throughout the flight. It was a misery.

Did I complain to the flight attendants? No, I did not. I considered it the luck of the draw, sucked it up and soldiered through that flight. Lesson learned though. Never again have I booked a middle seat when flying solo.
 
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