Is 'ladies first' a polite idea, or is it sexist?

Been There said:
I do the same at the grocery store for all of the women and will also ask her if I can load her groceries into her vehicle while we are in the parking lot. Some say yes, thanks and some say, no, thanks.
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A man in Germany did that. I went shopping there and had 4 huge bags. He asked if he could help me put it in my car so I said no thanks and he looked so sad like sorry I asked. I have to walk to the train station. I have no car. It was almost an hour walk and then the train and bus for some cheap groceries. Never again.
 
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I think it's lovely when men open doors and pull out chairs but sadly it's a thing of the past and I can understand why men don't offer anymore.
I've tried holding doors open for men once or twice just to see their surprised faces. And I smile and I'd wink at them too but that might be sexual harrassment and as I've got this far in life without a criminal record I don't want to blot it now.
 
catscan said:
I think it's lovely when men open doors and pull out chairs but sadly it's a thing of the past and I can understand why men don't offer anymore.
I've tried holding doors open for men once or twice just to see their surprised faces. And I smile and I'd wink at them too but that might be sexual harrassment and as I've got this far in life without a criminal record I don't want to blot it now.
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my chuckle was at the criminal record part lol
 
QuietByNature said:
I find a lot of the younger generation have lost the ability to be polite.
A majority of the time they never say thank you when I hold a door open for them.
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I hold doors open for everyone and most people appreciate it and say thank you! To be brutally honest, I don’t find it a generational thing at all. In my experiences, there are just as many older people as younger people who don’t appreciate the door being held open for them..
 
QuietByNature said:
I find a lot of the younger generation have lost the ability to be polite.
A majority of the time they never say thank you when I hold a door open for them.
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Maybe they're not sure of your motive.

I don't think the younger generation lost the ability to be polite, I think nobody taught them any sort of etiquette. You can't lose habits you never had. I'm referring to the majority, of course. I've come across a number of polite young'ins, but they're definitely not in the majority.

And I wasn't joking with my motive crack. The younger generation seems to be particularly suspicious of people. But that doesn't surprise me, know what I mean?
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I hold doors open for everyone and most people appreciate it and say thank you! To be brutally honest, I don’t find it a generational thing at all. In my experiences, there are just as many older people as younger people who don’t appreciate the door being held open for them..
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Everyone appreciates it in my experiences, but most don't say anything cause it's just standard. It would be very rude to slam a door in someone's face. Or they just nod or smile. Age doesn't matter.
 
spookycat2 said:
I learned at a young age that women can get an attitude about this. When I was 18, I held the door open for a woman easily 10 or so years older... she gave me a crappy look and said "I could have got the dam thing myself"... I was shocked. It was a wake up call for me moving forward.
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My brother once in highschool in the 70s complimented a girl that she had nice trousers. She got all arrogant and said: Are you hitting on me or something? and walked away. Then she came back to ask him for a fire and he said: Are you hitting on me or something? Muhahaha. He told me when I was a kid and I thought it was hilarious.
 
I find most people of all ages are polite but I agree with above. If I get up, eg from a chair in a waiting room, to open a door for someone with a pram, or a w alking frame they say thank you. If I am holding a door open that I was going thru and someone is behind me, the might just briefly nod or smile, it is a standard thing, brief acknowledgement is nice but doesn't need effusive thanks.
 
I wondered why they do that and was thinking maybe because they used to wear these gigantic dresses. Yup:


The tradition of a gentleman pulling out a chair for a lady originated as a functional gesture in the 18th/19th century to assist women wearing restrictive, heavy clothing or corsets. It stems from the need to help them maneuver into seats, particularly when chairs were heavy and made of solid wood.
Key details regarding this etiquette include:
  • Historical Context: In periods where women wore large, restrictive dresses and tight corsets, it was difficult for them to pull out a chair and sit themselves, necessitating assistance.
  • Practical Utility: The gesture originated when furniture was heavy and bulky, making it challenging for women to adjust their seating position without help.
 
I grew up being taught that pulling out a chair or opening a door for a woman was the polite thing to do. I'm no longer in a situation where I need to pull out a chair, but I still open a door for a woman and if there is a woman riding in my car I open the door for her before I get in. In my career, many of my sales reps were women (most Baby Boomers) and I always did this. No one ever complained.

These days, I've had young women at the gym open the door for me. I'm fine with that and thank them. It leapfrogs the old "chivalrous" thinking and just becomes politeness.

I do live in what I consider to be a polite area of the country. I saw an elderly woman come out of the grocery store and a young man who was an employee of the store, retrieving carts, asked if he could help her with her bags. She graciously accepted. From my experience, politeness is still largely expected in the area where I live.
 
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I don’t run around and open the car door for my wife and she wouldn’t want me to.
I try to open building doors ahead of her because I am stronger than she is and most of the time I can easily hold them open.
She knows she has all of her rights as far as our relationship goes and doesn’t need some self serving politician to tell her that.
Maybe we are old fashioned or maybe we are just downright practical.
Very early in our marriage I found out about wife’s equal rights.
We rented an apartment before we were married but needed to call to have the utilities turned on.
We didn’t have cell phones in those days and after I got out of the car and was walking to the phone booth I looked down and there was a ten dollar bill.
I picked up the ten spot and stuck it in my pocket and made the phone call.
When I got back to the car she asked me what that was that I picked up and I told her that it was ten dollars.
Right away she said “ you know that I get half of that don’t you?”
We had a good laugh but I learned right there what married life was like.
Yes! I gave her half!
I just told her that I posted that and she said “and way more.”
 

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