This question lingers. Can men and women truly maintain a real friendship?

I have had male friends, but that has been rare. Generally I find that they want more than friendship. I was even insulted by one man who refused to accept that I just wanted friendship and assumed the problem was me and let loose some "labels" in his anger. Glad I escaped that one.

I think sexuality does provide tension in many male/female relationships.
 
Trish said:
@MACKTEXAS If you decide you do want to, I wonder if a coffee invitation would seem less date-like than dinner and, if you just get friendship vibes, it won't be so awkward to just leave it at that?
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Yes, that's a good idea, besides, I don't think I want to start any serious relationship anyway. But then, people quite often say that, and things change, so never know . . .
 
Back on post #12 on this thread, I wrote the below because the OP was obviously posed too generally black and white and her response to what I wrote, points to that was slyly on purpose. Well ok let's see? And indeed, the majority of responses addressed that question essentially as I wrote and in fact numbers were just defensive statements to show the audience they were not the type that some probably would instinctively imagine. Reality is, many men constantly have sexual thoughts on their minds because they have trained themselves to think so over a lifetime.

"Maintain" implies a relationship over time that changes little with people content to enjoy friendship at that level. Very common in professional work places with lots of people and awareness that sexual advances may result in complaints to HR and potential loss of employment. But such is not the case within the small social blue collar working class worlds of large numbers of others in both employment and other societal infrastructure.

The usual issue becomes one gender person plays a game like whatever friendship and mutual respect they started will remain platonic but is really just waiting to change that to a sexual one when an opportunity occurs, hoping the other party non-verbally begins to show signs of feeling so. Men that have been fantasizing the latter, may become frustrated if that doesn't change and at some point emotionally expose their real feelings, especially with innuendoes and non-verbal grinning facial expressions, inadvertently exposing their true intents, thus looking like jerks. And as I wrote, such is more likely among more attractive (or wealthy) persons to get hit on, versus plain to unattractive persons.

Thread title is:
This question lingers. Can men and women truly maintain a real friendship?
Thread title should be:
This question lingers. Can some men and some women truly maintain a real friendship in some circumstances?
Reads like one is asking whether some people can maintain opposite gender friendships without such being affected by lusty thoughts.
The OP replied "NO, the thread title should not be as you say. It should be exactly as I posted it."
 
Nathan said:
Perhaps in your world.
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Not at all. Don't confuse gender with sexuality...the question itself assumes the gender issue. Female and male. No one is totally neutral, and I think even at the most formal levels, gender and possibly sexuality are present. By sexuality, I don't mean sex. I just mean recognition of the basic differences between men and women and covert reactions to this in culture. I distinguish between Gender and sexuality as do writers on the subject.
 
Well of course it depends on the people involved. Having had a very good male friend who I never had the desire for a romantic relationship with and he probably felt the same. In fact, he was the one trying for years to get me and the man who eventually became my second husband together. My BFF also has a very good male friend. They talk on the phone every night. In fact, having played in bands with several musicians over the decades, she has several male friends. I'd say from our experiences that it is definitely possible for a man and woman to be just friends.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
Well of course it depends on the people involved. Having had a very good male friend who I never had the desire for a romantic relationship with and he probably felt the same. In fact, he was the one trying for years to get me and the man who eventually became my second husband together. My BFF also has a very good male friend. They talk on the phone every night. In fact, having played in bands with several musicians over the decades, she has several male friends. I'd say from our experiences that it is definitely possible for a man and woman to be just friends.
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Why I said no is because I think of a 1 on 1 best friends thing. That's like David777 says. It's always fake. Maybe not for others but I would never be so dumb anymore to trust that. That's what you do when you're 18 and then totally surprised he attacked.
I am friends with my ex. Nothing will ever happen. But not in the sense of: hey lets go out tomorrow and the next day and the next and chat and I don't know what.
 
Dr.Colosso said:
Why I said no is because I think of a 1 on 1 best friends thing. That's like David777 says. It's always fake. Maybe not for others but I would never be so dumb anymore to trust that. That's what you do when you're 18 and then totally surprised he attacked.
I am friends with my ex. Nothing will ever happen. But not in the sense of: hey lets go out tomorrow and the next day and the next and chat and I don't know what.
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Truthfully, I didn't read your reply, nor many other replies in this thread. Sometimes it's fake, sometimes it's not. I remember decades ago, I had a good friend who was a bit younger than me, but we were both well beyond our teen years. This guy was always doing things for her and acted like a "friend". I warned her to be careful because I suspected he had ulterior motives. She didn't believe me until he tried to make a move on her.

I had a friend, who in fact was one of the best friends I ever had. But I wanted a romantic relationship and he didn't. Eventually our friendship died. I blame myself. But it hasn't always been that way. I've had other good male friends that I had no interest in romantically. Now if they felt that way about me, they never let me know.
 

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