Choosing to spend more time alone as I grow older

outlander said:
I don't think it's just me, it seems a lot of older people prefer more alone time compared to when they were younger?
Click to expand...
Early humans were physically weak compared to predators, and their survival depended on banding together for protection, foraging, and hunting. Group living enabled the sharing of resources and collective care of children, increasing overall fitness.

Human brains evolved to be unusually large, which anthropologists attribute to the need to navigate complex social interactions and networks. Our "default mode" is social, meaning our brains are wired to prepare for social interaction, according to studies of brain activity.
Social connection strengthens the immune system, lowers the risk of chronic disease, and contributes to longer lifespans.

Human civilization, including language, technology, and science, developed specifically through cooperation and shared knowledge in groups. Humans have developed an innate, "vital warning signal"—loneliness—that acts like hunger, telling us to reconnect with others. Prolonged isolation is harmful, as it is linked to increased risks of heart disease, stroke, cognitive decline, dementia, and premature death. Lacking social connection increases risks of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.

swingsters2.jpg
It's good to have a few friends.
 
As a kid and teenager, even young adult - I did like the company of others. I've always needed some me time. As an introvert, social gatherings can be draining - even if I enjoy them.

As I've gotten older, I spend more time alone or with just me and my hubby. Neither of us have a really big family, just our grown up kids.

@MACKTEXAS It's a real shame when even church friends can't keep the topics light and comfy for everyone! I totally get it! At any gathering where I have any control - it's strictly NO politics or religion. I guess religion at a church gathering would be normal and you all should be on mostly the same page. ;)
 
CaliS said:
@MACKTEXAS It's a real shame when even church friends can't keep the topics light and comfy for everyone! I totally get it! At any gathering where I have any control - it's strictly NO politics or religion. I guess religion at a church gathering would be normal and you all should be on mostly the same page. ;)
Click to expand...
Somehow, I overlooked (until now) what you had written; sorry. I'm going back to expand on my earlier post. The church I attend is not political, so far as classes and what comes from the pulpit, but comments from members or attendees often reveal their leanings politically. It particularly irks me when they express certain thoughts in a friendly manner with a smile, assuming that we are ""on the same side."

I'm in a valley right now, trying to decide if it does me more harm than good to attend church, and that's not a good place to be.
 
I'm sure one of the reasons I got a foster-care license is because I didn't like being alone. I thought I did, but I've come to realize that I don't like being alone, I like being left alone....come over but don't take over.

Maybe that's why I married Michelle 4 years ago - my little foster son got adopted, my youngest grandkids turned 16 and stopped spending weekends with me, my sons started traveling instead of hanging out with Dad, and my daughter lives 500 miles away. Gas got expensive, I quit driving, and she became a grandmother all at around the same time, so instead of monthly visits it's weekly phone calls.
 
Murrmurr said:
I'm sure one of the reasons I got a foster-care license is because I didn't like being alone. I thought I did, but I've come to realize that I don't like being alone, I like being left alone....come over but don't take over.

Maybe that's why I married Michelle 4 years ago - my little foster son got adopted, my youngest grandkids turned 16 and stopped spending weekends with me, my sons started traveling instead of hanging out with Dad, and my daughter lives 500 miles away. Gas got expensive, I quit driving, and she became a grandmother all at around the same time, so instead of monthly visits it's weekly phone calls.
Click to expand...
Sort of the same here. I didn't realize it at the time but when my youngest was a Junior in H.S. I began my degree in Earlychildhood
Education & Development, that empty nester syndrome that hits many women hit me I think. I had day time company but they went home
at night and no weekends. It suit me perfect.
 
IrishEyes said:
Sort of the same here. I didn't realize it at the time but when my youngest was a Junior in H.S. I began my degree in Earlychildhood
Education & Development, that empty nester syndrome that hits many women hit me I think. I had day time company but they went home
at night and no weekends. It suit me perfect.
Click to expand...
Michelle can't have children because she had to have a hysterectomy when she was only in her 20s. I think that's why she went for degrees in Child Psychology and Development and pediatric nursing.

Yeah, I think there's a subconscious motivation for the kind of decisions we're talking about.
 
Come to the conclusion that unless ' your birth family were really rotten' always good to stay in regular contact - mend bridges even if necessary. Didn't do too much of that - left home - left country got married twice and now live alone apart from my lovable dog!

Lesson - just try just try to put more effort [not brutal but softer] into primary and secondary family relationships - make it give and take - not turn ya back and take all - I can tell ya it ain't easy - you may be the one putting in the most effort! - but in the end I see more benefits - only I didn't!
 
It seems to me that alone seniors are looked upon as flawed, because it's not good to be alone. I have a friend who expresses disapproval about my "isolation," although it doesn't feel like isolation to me. Now this friend strikes me as wanting me to live my life the way he lives his, not that he is actually interested in my well being.

Starting early in my life, I would do things like get on my bike and pedal out to a forest preserve 8 miles away, hide my bike, and wander around in the woods by myself. I liked doing it alone, but sometimes I would do it with others. Granted, those others wouldn't have done such a thing alone, but back then I never thought about things like that.

Then I discovered the wilderness trails in Montana on a family vacation. I left home after high school, and started spending entire weekends by myself in the mountains. On Sunday night coming down the trail back to my car, I would realize that for two and a half days, I had not even spoken a word. So I would say something out loud, just to break the silence, and then I would chuckle.

So far as I know, no one, not one single person, has suggested I be committed to an institution or a reeducation camp. I feel fine.
 
Being in a building crammed with people and loud music is my idea of a nightmare.
However, having a cosy chat with a few friends is super.
My legs are almost useless now, but the memories of dancing with a beautiful woman on a moonlit terrace.... yeh, that sticks in my memory. 😊
 
MACKTEXAS said:
Somehow, I overlooked (until now) what you had written; sorry. I'm going back to expand on my earlier post. The church I attend is not political, so far as classes and what comes from the pulpit, but comments from members or attendees often reveal their leanings politically. It particularly irks me when they express certain thoughts in a friendly manner with a smile, assuming that we are ""on the same side."

I'm in a valley right now, trying to decide if it does me more harm than good to attend church, and that's not a good place to be.
Click to expand...
Noooo worries, as hard as I try not to - I miss posts all the time! 🙂

I have a long history of going to church and having varied experiences. My husband would love to go to church every Sunday, but I prefer about once a month. It's a very individual thing, so I hope you find your answers within. 🌷

I almost never talk about religion - even at church, and avoid politics like the plague. These days, it just seems like a mine field. I will discuss them one on one with someone I am close to - if they insists 🤣 and only to point. I don't like to be told what I should think.

You know what they say, when you "assume" ;) That sounds almost passive aggressive -though it may not be intentional. I can understand why it would be irksome. Some people are less self aware than others.

Thanks for the response & again, Good luck!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top