My Acute Dysphoric Anhedonia!

I know you will. I just don't want you thinking you're being forward by joining in already established conversations. This might be a way to help you become more interested in life.
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@Meanderer

My last friend left the scene around 5-6 weeks ago.
I have no family member of any use to me.
I live alone.
I've never been a member of a church...my agoraphobia has made that highly unlikely after many years.
I must confess that I don't know what a one-person support group is, but it sounds good.

Your last question: If I could make myself the Ian that I was just 2-3 years ago?...yes, I'd like that. I would feel, then, that I stand some kind of chance against this nightmare. I look around at the other sections, here, and I crave joining in...but, I'm new and I don't want to seem too forward. New member nerves, I suppose. The feeling of isolation is horrific. I have absolutely nobody in the real world, to whom I can turn. Believe me when I say...it scares me!
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Thank you for sharing your very personal deep heartbreaking mental health journey Ian... I don't know you from a hole in the wall.. but your story was so moving that when I got to this... ..the tears were running down my face, it was just incredibly moving..

Ian died, last year! I am merely Ian's ghost!
I haunt the house in which Ian lived when he was alive!
I'm a spectral detective, trying to figure out who Ian was, what he was like, what he did, etc..


I have no advice at all with regard to your illness, like other people have ...but what I can tell you is that you have no need.. and I mean this very sincerely..NO need to be concerned in any way about joining in other threads and topics in this forum

This forum on the whole.. is unlike most other internet forums or social media in that the vast majority of people here think of this forum as an extension to our friends or families .. and we don't stand on ceremony here, and no Thread or topic is locked off to anyone who wishes to post there... everyone is welcome to post on ANY thread they wish....no need to introduce yourself on a new thread we know you now.. you're one of us... so please feel free to just join in everywhere and anywhere... (y)
 
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@hollydolly - I'm so glad you posted that! I am finally crying, again! I thought that was gone, forever! I've been treated pretty badly on some other forums and, when that happens, it tends to leave behind damage and a little trepidation, maybe. I can't type properly...hold on.........I've still some scars from some bad encounters, elsewhere. I actually cried, again...I hope that's a good sign. Thank you for what you've said to me, here, this evening (UK time). I've never been this far down, before, and it's quite the high-wire act, for me. I'll do what I can do join in with other subjects/threads, although being unable to actually feel anything might make it quite the challenge, for me. Thanks, again. I can't see my screen, properly...thanks.
 
@Ian McKlatchie I am very moved by your post. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I offer no advice at all. To be unable to feel sounds like a terrible affliction. I do however have one thought rattling around my brain right now and it demands to be released.

It is this...

... a kitten.

The sound of a little creature purring as you stroke it is very therapeutic. Watching it play and frolic is usually guaranteed to lead to laughter. *

Your tears are a sign that you are not yet completely dead inside. Take time to see the sun rise and set and watch the moon wax and wane over many months. The heavens may help you to measure your progress as you pass from ghostlike detachment to engagement with your own emotions once again. *

* There, I couldn't help myself. I did offer some advice. Sorry about that.
 
@Warrigal - I remember kittens...they had an engagingness all their own. My tears are a clear sign that I need to shed far more of them...that's one certainty - and, was a surprise, for me, tonight, too.

Hey...I bet you've read the poem that this is the last verse to...

"Rest, for your eyes are weary, girl — you have driven the worst away —
The ghost of the man that I might have been is gone from my heart to-day;
We'll live for life and the best it brings till our twilight shadows fall;
My heart grows brave, and the world, my girl, is a good world after all."

(Henry Lawson?) [ I first ever heard this read out by a character in an Australian soap, many years ago, at the bedside of his young Lady, and this last verse...I never forgot it - I've always loved it! ]

Thank you for your very kind words, good Lady! :)
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@Warrigal - I remember kittens...they had an engagingness all their own. My tears are a clear sign that I need to shed far more of them...that's one certainty - and, was a surprise, for me, tonight, too.

Hey...I bet you've read the poem that this is the last verse to...

"Rest, for your eyes are weary, girl — you have driven the worst away —
The ghost of the man that I might have been is gone from my heart to-day;
We'll live for life and the best it brings till our twilight shadows fall;
My heart grows brave, and the world, my girl, is a good world after all."

(Henry Lawson?) [ I first ever heard this read out by a character in an Australian soap, many years ago, at the bedside of his young Lady, and this last verse...I never forgot it - I've always loved it! ]

Thank you for your very kind words, good Lady! :)
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I had not read it even though I have read quite a few of Lawson's poems and short stories. He was a melancholy man suffering from alcoholism and depression. I looked it up and found the poem.

After All​

Henry Lawson​

​




THE BROODING ghosts of Australian night have gone from the bush and town;
My spirit revives in the morning breeze, though it died when the sun went down;
The river is high and the stream is strong, and the grass is green and tall,
And I fain would think that this world of ours is a good world after all.

The light of passion in dreamy eyes, and a page of truth well read,
The glorious thrill in a heart grown cold of the spirit I thought was dead,
A song that goes to a comrade’s heart, and a tear of pride let fall—
And my soul is strong! and the world to me is a grand world after all!

Let our enemies go by their old dull tracks, and theirs be the fault or shame
(The man is bitter against the world who has only himself to blame);
Let the darkest side of the past be dark, and only the good recall;
For I must believe that the world, my dear, is a kind world after all.

It well may be that I saw too plain, and it may be I was blind;
But I’ll keep my face to the dawning light, though the devil may stand behind!
Though the devil may stand behind my back, I’ll not see his shadow fall,
But read the signs in the morning stars of a good world after all.

Rest, for your eyes are weary, girl—you have driven the worst away—
The ghost of the man that I might have been is gone from my heart to-day;
We’ll live for life and the best it brings till our twilight shadows fall;
My heart grows brave, and the world, my girl, is a good world after all.
Click to expand...
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@Meanderer

My last friend left the scene around 5-6 weeks ago.
I have no family member of any use to me.
I live alone.
I've never been a member of a church...my agoraphobia has made that highly unlikely after many years.
I must confess that I don't know what a one-person support group is, but it sounds good.

Your last question: If I could make myself the Ian that I was just 2-3 years ago?...yes, I'd like that. I would feel, then, that I stand some kind of chance against this nightmare. I look around at the other sections, here, and I crave joining in...but, I'm new and I don't want to seem too forward. New member nerves, I suppose. The feeling of isolation is horrific. I have absolutely nobody in the real world, to whom I can turn. Believe me when I say...it scares me!
Click to expand...
Thanks for your answers. My question about reuniting with your old Ian was a stretch for me to come up with, but the end result would be amazing! I will direct my prayers for you in that direction. As far as a "one person support group"..... not everyone feels comfortable in a large group. I will pray for someone to come along to be a help mate, or help-meet to you. While you are among us, feel free to allow yourself to relax and grow in new ways. I have enjoyed your posts.
 
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Thank you for sharing what you are going through @Ian McKlatchie. I truly feel for you. I went through severe depression over 20 years ago and will never forget it. It is actually amazing that you've been able to post here. I had no desire to do anything at all. I was working at the time and just going to the office was a horrible experience. I had panic attacks. I had to take time off to try to get "back to normal". Like you described, I was nervous and twitchy and the best part of the day was when I took a Xanax and went to sleep.

I understand you are no longer allowed to access your original medication due to kidney disease, but I do hope the doctors can figure out a treatment for you. There is nothing more than any of us would like than a post from you saying you are once again interested in living life.

In the interim, please do continue sharing with us. This is a caring group of individuals, and the weirder you are, the more you will fit in!
 
Meanderer said:
Thanks for your answers. My question about reuniting with your old Ian was a stretch for me to come up with, but the end result would be amazing! I will direct my prayers for you in that direction. As far as a "one person support group"..... not everyone feels comfortable in a large group. I will pray for someone to come along to be a help mate, or help-meet to you. While you are among us, feel free to allow yourself to relax and grow in new ways. I have enjoyed your posts.
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The mix of the old Ian with the ghost of Ian would bring back the interests, and leave in place the sense to ensure that the medical professions were a lot more careful with what they do from the merging point onwards. No more ham-handed and irresponsible deeds from a doctor not fit to treat farmyard animals. Thanks, Meanderer! :)
 
seadoug said:
Thank you for sharing what you are going through @Ian McKlatchie. I truly feel for you. I went through severe depression over 20 years ago and will never forget it. It is actually amazing that you've been able to post here. I had no desire to do anything at all. I was working at the time and just going to the office was a horrible experience. I had panic attacks. I had to take time off to try to get "back to normal". Like you described, I was nervous and twitchy and the best part of the day was when I took a Xanax and went to sleep.

I understand you are no longer allowed to access your original medication due to kidney disease, but I do hope the doctors can figure out a treatment for you. There is nothing more than any of us would like than a post from you saying you are once again interested in living life.

In the interim, please do continue sharing with us. This is a caring group of individuals, and the weirder you are, the more you will fit in!
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Thank you, for that, SeaDoug! I truly hope that, one day, I can throw a hopeful post or two this forum's way - I'll certainly be trying! :)
 
It’s never been a good idea to quickly stop any drug, including narcotics, that most likely will leave withdrawal symptoms.
The body becomes so used to having its own way, that when we quit immediately, our endorphins begin to starve, along with our body and mind retaliating. It’s as if they were yelling, “Where is my drug?
 
Been There said:
It’s never been a good idea to quickly stop any drug, including narcotics, that most likely will leave withdrawal symptoms.
The body becomes so used to having its own way, that when we quit immediately, our endorphins begin to starve, along with our body and mind retaliating. It’s as if they were yelling, “Where is my drug?
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The same is true with dieters....."Where's my food"?
 
another link:
After All by Henry Lawson

Analysis (ai): The poem moves from resignation to cautious optimism, charting an internal shift triggered by natural renewal and human connection. Initial references to night and spirits suggest desolation, but repeated invocations of morning light and emotional resurgence counterbalance this. The speaker acknowledges past despair yet elects hope as a conscious stance rather than a passive feeling. (More)
 
Been There said:
We had a man on a diet taking some of those pills kids take to settlement them down. I think they are Adderall and Ritalin.
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AI:
"Adderall (amphetamine salts) and Ritalin (methylphenidate) are stimulant medications used to treat ADHD, often increasing focus and dopamine levels. Ritalin acts faster (peaks in ~2 hours) and has a shorter duration, while Adderall lasts longer and is generally more potent. Adderall is often preferred for hyperactivity, whereas Ritalin is often used for focus-related challenges."
 
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