Just keep your panties zipped

Boy do I agree with your last sentence. People do it because:
~They can't control their desires
~They don't think they'll get caught (or about the ramifications if they are)
~They think they are so smart that they can handle these affairs
~They think their money can be used to make it go away if they are caught

Affairs are complicated and messy. Not only have they caused divorces and broken homes, they have been the reason for murders.
 
Nothing new here.

My first thought is that if you lie to your family and the people closest to you then you will not hesitate to lie to me or anyone else to get what you want.

My second thought is that the coverup is always worse and more damaging than accepting the consequences of your choices right from the start.

The truth hurts for a moment but lies destroy trust forever.
 
26 years of career - 26 years!

"A Utah Supreme Court justice has resigned amid a probe into an alleged relationship with an attorney who worked on a redistricting lawsuit.

Justice Diana Hagen appeared to reference the investigation and the toll it has taken on her loved ones in a resignation letter to Utah Gov. Spencer Cox, which was obtained by Fox News Digital.

"As a public servant for twenty-six years, I am keenly aware that public service requires sacrifice," Hagen wrote. "I have willingly accepted those sacrifices for the privilege of holding a position of public trust, where I could do my part to uphold the rule of law and protect the constitutional rights of every Utahn.""

SOURCE: Utah Supreme Court justice resigns amid probe into alleged relationship with redistricting attorney
 
Lawrence00 said:
Just read another story. This time a Utah judge resigning, and an affair with an attorney is involved.

This cuts across political parties, entertainers, corporate executives, and more. People trashing careers, and families.

Get a divorce first if you cannot control your zipper.
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My husband... destroyed our marriage with his affair at work with a colleague.... no thought for the destruction of our future... just his selfish wants ...
 
Impulse control issues also leading to drug abuse. Some need/want gratification 24/7.

That being said how well do people really know their spouses, partners or even family members. Point being if one really thinks about it there were probably earlier warning signs.

Maybe some are getting caught for the first time. Other perhaps married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a box check for many trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Not surprised just disappointed.
 
WhatInThe said:
Impulse control issues also leading to drug abuse.
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Yes, I agree, particularly when it comes to alcohol which breaks down our inhibitions.

That said, I sense a curious bias. See, nothing happens in a vacuum, right? I'm not attempting to make an excuse for the cheat, but at the same time I'm wondering why it is that, in conversation, people always tend to assume that everything was terrific, and the cheating was an aberration out of nowhere by a nasty partner.

I get that marriage is a contract, and that the contract is broken in such cases - but isn't there room for some blame being with the other partner? I wonder if people truly just cheat on a whim without thinking about it, or whether - more likely - there is something wrong with their marriage in the first place that gives them the mental capacity to look elsewhere. Is it ever possible that the other partner has some responsibility? Or are we simply going to blame a physical act?
 
VaughanJB said:
Yes, I agree, particularly when it comes to alcohol which breaks down our inhibitions.

That said, I sense a curious bias. See, nothing happens in a vacuum, right? I'm not attempting to make an excuse for the cheat, but at the same time I'm wondering why it is that, in conversation, people always tend to assume that everything was terrific, and the cheating was an aberration out of nowhere by a nasty partner.

I get that marriage is a contract, and that the contract is broken in such cases - but isn't there room for some blame being with the other partner? I wonder if people truly just cheat on a whim without thinking about it, or whether - more likely - there is something wrong with their marriage in the first place that gives them the mental capacity to look elsewhere. Is it ever possible that the other partner has some responsibility? Or are we simply going to blame a physical act?
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That's the same excuse often given for domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, etc.
The other person must have done something or failed to do something to 'deserve' it..
🤬
 
hollydolly said:
My husband... destroyed our marriage with his affair at work with a colleague.... no thought for the destruction of our future... just his selfish wants ...
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Selfish wants

Which sums up a lot of cheaters. Their desires/gratification take precedent about all else.

I've seen the office romance playout too many times. Unfortunately more common than many people think.

I'm kind of surprised at the public shock type reactions and fascination with these high profile affairs because many of these people were relatively unknown by those not in or following the industry.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
There are certain public figures in Texas who are frequently in the spotlight for allegations of misconduct and / or morality issues, yet they support displaying the 10 commandments in schools.
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That's not just the case in Texas. I think that's been going on for as long as people have existed, that those in power want us "little people" to follow the rules but don't feel like they should have to.
 
officerripley said:
That's not just the case in Texas. I think that's been going on for as long as people have existed, that those in power want us "little people" to follow the rules but don't feel like they should have to.
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Right - I understand and agree that it's not just in Texas. I made the disctinction since (1) Texas is where I live, (2) the people I was referring to are looked up to by people I actually know personally and they refuse to acknowledge the hypocrisy. In my view, that places them in the same category.
 
Sunkist said:
That's the same excuse often given for domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, etc.
The other person must have done something or failed to do something to 'deserve' it..
🤬
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I didn't mean it as an "excuse". But are you saying that never, ever, in the history of man, someone cheated on their marriage partner and it was justified, or at least was partially the result of the other person doing, or not doing, something themselves?
 
WhatInThe said:
I'm kind of surprised at the public shock type reactions and fascination with these high profile affairs because many of these people were relatively unknown by those not in or following the industry.
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Actually, I'm not surprised. There was a time, not so long ago, that we truly did expect people in levels of authority to have some morals and ethics. Today few people seem to really care, anything goes. Even in her resignation post, she acknowledges that she was held to a higher standard due to the influence of her role.

She apparently had an affair with an attorney, which does question her integrity.
 
VaughanJB said:
I didn't mean it as an "excuse". But are you saying that never, ever, in the history of man, someone cheated on their marriage partner and it was justified, or at least was partially the result of the other person doing, or not doing, something themselves?
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I'm sure that happens... but I'd be willing to bet the scenario I described happens much much more often.
 
Sunkist said:
I'm sure that happens... but I'd be willing to bet the scenario I described happens much much more often.
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I don't mean to pick on you, Sunkist, I'm just curious. And I'm sure there are people whispering over their fences that I'm mentioning this only because I must have been a cheater (which I've never been).

But - so it is your belief that more often than now, affairs are entered into on a whim, and not for any other reason (or reasonable reason) than weakness of character? If that's true, I wonder what that really says about both people, and our society. Why are there so many weak willed people, and why do so many of them marry in the first place?

I note that marriages are in decline overall.....
 
Someone said to me that people shouldn’t stay together if one of them is unhappy. You don’t have to go through life not being happy.

Maybe there’s some truth in this, but the other person needs to be told that there are issues. Imo, if you’ve made a commitment you should at least try to work on it. No surprises.
 
Jules said:
Someone said to me that people shouldn’t stay together if one of them is unhappy. You don’t have to go through life not being happy.

Maybe there’s some truth in this, but the other person needs to be told that there are issues. Imo, if you’ve made a commitment you should at least try to work on it. No surprises.
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Marriage definitely is like any other relationship, it needs to be nurtured and communication is key. On the other hand, no-one has infinite patience. The discussion, if needed, can come from either party. A refusal to discuss a problem is, in itself, a response.

I just wonder - given the ability to time travel, do you think it is possible for one person to go back and do something to prevent certain issues from developing?

Put another way - and again I stress I'm not making excuses - I don't think affairs happen by accident, or randomly. I think the current situation - often hidden under silence - has somehow become susceptible. I don't think perfectly happy partners who are entirely content with their marriage go out and cheat.
 
VaughanJB said:
Marriage definitely is like any other relationship, it needs to be nurtured and communication is key. On the other hand, no-one has infinite patience. The discussion, if needed, can come from either party. A refusal to discuss a problem is, in itself, a response.

I just wonder - given the ability to time travel, do you think it is possible for one person to go back and do something to prevent certain issues from developing?

Put another way - and again I stress I'm not making excuses - I don't think affairs happen by accident, or randomly. I think the current situation - often hidden under silence - has somehow become susceptible. I don't think perfectly happy partners who are entirely content with their marriage go out and cheat.
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I agree a contract when not working for BOTH parties in business, it is broken not held on to cause that is what everyone else expects.

Have you had friends or neighbors openly tell you they are miserable in their marriage or relationship?
Yet when it falls apart... one partner is made a villain, and the other partner is the saint. In insurance the term is comparable negligence. we may not have caused the crash but we did little or nothing to avoid it.

All we see is the forced smile in photos or sometimes play nice for the public. Happy marriage because we do not want to see people grow apart, people have different wants and needs...resentment builds

Some do not tell their spouse it is NOT working and they are miserable..... or if they do tell them the spouse does not listen or see it. They act like you are exaggerating or being dramatic.
Imagine a spouse puts all their wants or needs first .....ALWAYS. You are always second....... your likes forgotten as they assume their likes are yours. ..... You feel alone when with them, or they no longer fill your needs. make you feel small and unwanted.

Imagine now someone you meet gives you the attention you crave. LISTENS to you. Makes you feel Attractive, Interesting, Fun. Willing to listen to your old stories........... when your partner rolls their eyes never listens and tells you to lose a few pounds.

I think the line that may be crossed gets blurry. Not everyone crosses but many have stepped up to that line.
 
Jeni said:
I agree a contract when not working for BOTH parties in business, it is broken not held on to cause that is what everyone else expects.

Have you had friends or neighbors openly tell you they are miserable in their marriage or relationship?
Yet when it falls apart... one partner is made a villain, and the other partner is the saint. In insurance the term is comparable negligence. we may not have caused the crash but we did little or nothing to avoid it.

All we see is the forced smile in photos or sometimes play nice for the public. Happy marriage because we do not want to see people grow apart, people have different wants and needs...resentment builds

Some do not tell their spouse it is NOT working and they are miserable..... or if they do tell them the spouse does not listen or see it. They act like you are exaggerating or being dramatic.
Imagine a spouse puts all their wants or needs first .....ALWAYS. You are always second....... your likes forgotten as they assume their likes are yours. ..... You feel alone when with them, or they no longer fill your needs. make you feel small and unwanted.

Imagine now someone you meet gives you the attention you crave. LISTENS to you. Makes you feel Attractive, Interesting, Fun. Willing to listen to your old stories........... when your partner rolls their eyes never listens and tells you to lose a few pounds.

I think the line that may be crossed gets blurry. Not everyone crosses but many have stepped up to that line.
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Firstly, thank you for understanding the intent of my last few posts in the thread. No excuses, just understanding.

I agree, one person is often painted as the villain, why the other gets a pass. I just wonder how often that would truly hold up to scrutiny. If one was perfectly happy in their marriage, had both love and respect for their partner, then are they truly susceptible to another person outside the marriage? I tend to think not. In fact, I tend to think such a commitment would be self-evident through actions and words.

Betrayal is betrayal. But I wonder if, looking back, the other partner could really look back and not suspect their partner might look elsewhere for joy. How often is it truly a complete shock, and even if it is, after examination, it holds up.

If a relationship is completely open, great communication, great openness - then how did this one flaw escape notice?
 
MACKTEXAS said:
There are certain public figures in Texas who are frequently in the spotlight for allegations of misconduct and / or morality issues, yet they support displaying the 10 commandments in schools.
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Were you aware that congress actually keeps a fund, managed by the Office of Congressional Workplace Rights (OCWR) for settling these sorts of lawsuits:
Congress has historically spent between $17–18 million total since 1997 on workplace‑related settlements, including sexual harassment, and more recent disclosures show at least $338,000 in sexual‑misconduct‑related payouts over the past 10–20 years.
To be fair that fund covered:
  • Sexual harassment and misconduct claims
  • Discrimination claims
  • Workplace safety disputes
  • Other employment‑related cases
So the sexual‑misconduct portion is only a subset of the total. However, the point is, congress has a fund that pays for sexual misconduct lawsuits filed against members. One has to wonder how they justify this...
 
VaughanJB said:
I didn't mean it as an "excuse". But are you saying that never, ever, in the history of man, someone cheated on their marriage partner and it was justified, or at least was partially the result of the other person doing, or not doing, something themselves?
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Totally depends. Some are just serial cheaters and look for a victim who is not to blame at all.

But I also knew a couple. He had sex with men and women on the street. She never wanted sex in 18 years. She knew that he did that. I can imagine that she didn't want sex if he did that but divorce then. They stayed together for the kids. One woman cheated. Oh how bad! He beat her up. She did it to get away from him.

A guy I dated said his ex cheated on him. Turned out he watched porn and didn't care that she didn't want that. Sorry but you started it yourself. She also did it to get away from him because he refused to work. He said she was only interested in money LOL. How dare you. He lived on her income. She worked full time at the grocery store and he sat on his ass lol.
 
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