My Spiteful Granddaughter

Kadee

Kadee

SF VIP
Location
Australia
My eldest Gradaughter ,who is 24 is getting married today ,I haven't seen or spoken to her ,for about a year when for some unknown reason she decided to cut all contact with us ( She is my daughters eldest) I have NEVER had a cross word with her in her whole life she was my first G/C ..We had a really close relationship most their life up until she cut contact..
The last time I seen her she asked me if I still had "her" tweety bird quilt she used when her and her sister stayed over
I said yes would you like it and your towels ,she said yes and I gave then to her ..


My daughter and her ex Have been divorced about 18 years ,He came to Australia as a refugee from Vietnam as a very young child .

The G/D decided she would for some unknown reason NOT INVITE ANY of her mothers side of the family including her mother ,us or her 10 year old Half sister ..
She however has invited most of the Vietnamese side of the family including her fathers wife of 14 years years who she loathes ..including the half sisters ..from that relationship ..
I admired this child .. and had provided her her in our wills to receive extras ..( I have since cut her out completely)

To give her some doubt to a reason for not inviting any of her mothers side of the family ...

She has invited her full sister, BUT NOT her sisters partner.. Who other GD lives with

Im guessing a little here ...When my daughter married her father ...I was not allowed any say whatsoever in the arrangements.. or the people to invite ..his mother, who speaks very little English controlled every thing ..even right down to finishing the reception at 10 pm .
.Most of the people who attended were non English speaking and gave money ,which HIS MOTHER kept to pay for the reception she planned and organised ( food was not my choice to much greasy fried food )

My Daughter and Tung received nothing of the $20.000 given and the only gift was what I gave them ( a microwave ) Now I suspect the same thing may be happening with GD under the impression she may be getting money but in the end MAY GET NOTHING ...We will just wait and see
 

Wow Kadee. I am so sorry this happened to you. Sadly this type of behaviour is not uncommon, regardless of how kind you have been toward your granddaughter.
 

Sounds like messy family politics, has GD chosen the father's cultural side of the family with their traditions and customs that you may not be aware of. Sorry this turned out negatively.
 
You have choices - to make the effort to talk to her privately - alone and lovingly to find out what's going on - to leave her alone, knowing that someday the situation may change - but whatever you decide to do, just be kind to her and her family, no matter what - that may eventually alter the current negative situation that is going on now.
 
Well, if she denies her mother and mother's family she's denying her own heritage...but in time she may see things differently. She knows you love her deep in her heart.

I'm sorry you've been hurt this way. I hope as time goes by her attitude will soften...nothing to do but wait and see.
 
I had been advised to make an effort to contact her to ask WHY ?? but I choose not to disrupt her at her work or at home .i felt it would not achieve anything...only she knows why. She told my other GD that she had made a decision and was sticking to it
not to invite any of her Australian born family.
I will just let it be
 
Kadee, first of all I’m sorry for what you’re going thru. In your shoes I would be hurt, confused, and also angry.

Now, please read this next sentence carefully: I am NOT saying you did anything wrong. Again, I am NOT saying you did anything wrong.

Let’s look at this logically. In situations like this, there is always a reason behind the behavior (the freezing you out, cutting off the relationship). Always. No one gets up in the morning and suddenly decides to shut out a grandmother with whom they have always had a loving relationship with.

It is not your responsibility to try to figure out what her problem is. When someone is upset with a loved one (or friend…i.e., someone they care about) it is THEIR responsibility to privately let the other person know.

I don’t agree with your guess as to what the reason might be. It just makes no sense.

It could be something GD thinks you did, or something someone told her you said, or something you did/said that she misinterpreted. Something is rotten here. You can speculate forever, and come up empty. There is nothing you can do unfortunately. :(

She has to know she has hurt you deeply, yet she chooses to continue to shut you out. Shame on her. :mad:
 
AC to me it's just a repeat of her mothers wedding to her father. His parents didn't want my daughter to have a traditional church wedding at all ..They just wanted their tradition. ..no if's or but"s ..at the time we just shut our mouth and went along to support my daughter.
 
Kadee46 said:
AC to me it's just a repeat of her mothers wedding to her father. His parents didn't want my daughter to have a traditional church wedding at all ..They just wanted their tradition. ..no if's or but"s ..at the time we just shut our mouth and went along to support my daughter.
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Excluding someone from wedding planning functions (as your daughter did) is one thing. Excluding relatives from a wedding is another thing. But cutting off relations from a grandmother is something else entirely.

Kadee, in your thread title you called GD spiteful. That implies malice, and that she’s deliberately hurting you to “pay you back”. You said you haven’t seen or spoken with her for over a year.
 
Kadee, I can understand your pain & hurt, perhaps your grand daughter is being manipulated by her inlaws, there will come a time in her life when she will regret her attitude & behaviour.
 
applecruncher said:
Excluding someone from wedding planning functions (as your daughter did) is one thing. Excluding relatives from a wedding is another thing. But cutting off relations from a grandmother is something else entirely.

Kadee, in your thread title you called GD spiteful. That implies malice, and that she’s deliberately hurting you to “pay you back”. You said you haven’t seen or spoken with her for over a year.
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Exactly how else could you describe the way she has treated both of us,for a reason unknown to us ...I could ask my other GD if Amamda has told her a reason why ,but I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.. I still feel her attitude towards us still has something to do with her Vietnamese side of the family in particular her grandmother......
 
Exactly how else could you describe the way she has treated both of us,for a reason unknown to us ...I
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Mean, hateful, cruel. (My point was that “spiteful” implies she is getting back at you for something.) But in the general scheme of things the semantics aren’t that important.

I wouldn’t bother making inquiries. As I said previously, it’s not your duty to guess or ask other people what’s going on. You would not necessarily get an honest answer, and it would serve no purpose. Sure, it might be because of her in-laws, and it might be because of any number of things SHE has going on in her mind. but GD is an adult quite capable of making her own decision regarding her relationship with you – and she has done that.
 
Yes AC I have now accepted her decision and I've I have said I could have confronted her at her work or at home but what would that achieve.Nothing but further hurt .
I felt for her mother ( my daughter) Yes they had cross words when Amanda was 16 years old but I felt that was justified as Amanda stole her bank book from her mothers room and withdrew the $1200 I had put in there for her over the years.
She moved out of home after that indecent ..That's a VERY POOR excuse not to invite your own mother, it's in my opinion slapping your own mother in the face by inviting Tungs wife who treated both the girls very badly ( They both stayed at Tungs and his wife's on very rare occasions usually weekends, where they were not permitted to come out of the room while she was home ..
 
Kadee46 said:
Yes AC I have now accepted her decision and I've I have said I could have confronted her at her work or at home but what would that achieve.Nothing but further hurt .
I felt for her mother ( my daughter) Yes they had cross words when Amanda was 16 years old but I felt that was justified as Amanda stole her bank book from her mothers room and withdrew the $1200 I had put in there for her over the years.
She moved out of home after that indecent ..That's a VERY POOR excuse not to invite your own mother, it's in my opinion slapping your own mother in the face by inviting Tungs wife who treated both the girls very badly ( They both stayed at Tungs and his wife's on very rare occasions usually weekends, where they were not permitted to come out of the room while she was home ..
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It is her decision, when she grows up hopefully she'll realise the pain she inflicted.
 
It's a generation thing; The further you get away from yourself (You- your kids - your grandkids - great grandkids.....)
the less you care, IMO.

Personally, were I you, I wouldn't give her the time of day. She doesn't deserve it. Save your breath.....less stress.
 
If my grand-daughters ever treated me like that I would ASK them what was going on. I don't like wondering about things or sweeping things under the carpet. Maybe it would NOT get straightened out but at lest I might find out what the problem was. I think some people think asking a question involves having an argument and with me it doesn't. I'd ask, listen and that's probably as far as it would go unless there was something I could say or do to clear up the situation for the girl.
 
It's sad, I never got to know my Mom as an adult really. Never a day goes by I wish I had. She passed suddenly when I was 26. I was still too self-centered to understand things. Now I have two girls who might experience the same thing. Swear to G-d if I buy the farm and they turn up looking for valuables I will so haunt them.
 
Kadee46 said:
Yes AC I have now accepted her decision and I've I have said I could have confronted her at her work or at home but what would that achieve.Nothing but further hurt .
I felt for her mother ( my daughter) Yes they had cross words when Amanda was 16 years old but I felt that was justified as Amanda stole her bank book from her mothers room and withdrew the $1200 I had put in there for her over the years.
She moved out of home after that indecent ..That's a VERY POOR excuse not to invite your own mother, it's in my opinion slapping your own mother in the face by inviting Tungs wife who treated both the girls very badly ( They both stayed at Tungs and his wife's on very rare occasions usually weekends, where they were not permitted to come out of the room while she was home ..
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I think your decision not to confront is wise. Sometimes these things just have to play out on their own, for better or worse.
 
Amanda stole her bank book from her mothers room and withdrew the $1200 I had put in there for her over the years.

That one reminds me of my Alex. We had a bunch of Macy's gift certificates. The plan was we would go before school shopping for her and her brother and sister. There was enough maybe I could get a small treat too. You know she talked me into this and that. I felt okay her first year in high school let her be stylin'. I think we managed a few items for brother and sister. And you know with her full wardrobe she dropped out of school within weeks. Too old for me to stop her...she used me in so many ways. You feel you shouldn't be so angry at your own child. But they become their own selves too.
 
Thank you to everyone for your understanding ..it's over with now so I think it's better i let it go ..there may come a day she will regret her actions ,not so much not inviting her grandparents ..but not inviting her 10 year old sister and her mother is unforgivable .....in my opinion ..
 
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