Did I mess up by having a brother rather than a sister?

fuzzybuddy

fuzzybuddy

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The Sticks, Northeast PA.
I'm a guy, 70, disabled and not married. I have a brother, but no sister. I was talking to my doctor. He said that, because of my disability, I'd probably wind up in a "home", since most brothers won't take a in brother. He said if I had a sister, she'd take me in. Since I'm disabled, there's no way I could care for my brother. But to be honest, if I weren't disabled, I don't think I'd take my brother in. And I don't think my brother would take me in, either. That is not an option either one of us would ever think of. Is it really that different with sisters?

PS. If having a sister makes a difference, do you know of any sister looking for a long lost brother?
 

Yes, I think you are more likely to be taken in and cared for by a sister than by a brother.

I think one big factor in that equation is that it's the wife who usually bears more of the burden of taking on the care of a relative than the husband, so she's more favorable to taking on HER sibling/parent/grandparent than HIS sibling/parent/grandparent.

Just my opinion, of course.

I never had a brother, but I would have given at least one or two of my five sisters for one......back then....
 
There are sisters and then there are sisters. Then there are also brothers who will take good care of you - with some help from community health workers and such, it can all work work, with some planning and preparation and of course some money involved too. Your doctor was a bit negative and should have given you information you could access for in-home care, nurse, etc. if/when required.
 

Sisters in my family stick together to the end.
I'm prepared to look after my little sister should she need me.
I don't have a brother so I have nothing on which to base any comparison.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I'm a guy, 70, disabled and not married. I have a brother, but no sister. I was talking to my doctor. He said that, because of my disability, I'd probably wind up in a "home", since most brothers won't take a in brother. He said if I had a sister, she'd take me in. Since I'm disabled, there's no way I could care for my brother. But to be honest, if I weren't disabled, I don't think I'd take my brother in. And I don't think my brother would take me in, either. That is not an option either one of us would ever think of. Is it really that different with sisters?

PS. If having a sister makes a difference, do you know of any sister looking for a long lost brother?
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Why should a sister be expected to care for you? THAT IS WRONG! :mad:
 
Women are more nurturing by nature and this extends from their children to others who need care...
 
I think the point is the women TEND to be the caregivers in families rather than men. If he messed up by not having a sister.. I certainly messed up by having only boys.. It's usually daughters that tend to aging parents.. Right or wrong...
 
I have brothers and sisters, when they were younger they all had various problems at some time or another, and I was the only one with some semblance of stability. I gave a home or help to every single one of them at different times of their lives, and they were as thankless as if someone had given them nothing at all. I would never do it again...they caused so many problems for me, and they were young then...in their old age it would be much more problematic!

One of my brothers in fact was the one who caused the most problems...even tho' we'd been very close as children, only a year between us...I'd always taken care of him..yet he treated my help with disdain and caused a big rift in my first marriage just by his presence and actions while he lived with us , and in fact caused far more wide reaching problems ..that if I had even half envisioned them before he moved in I would never have let him over the doorstep in the first place.
 
Men are wired differently, and if you don't believe it visit a nursing and see who provides the care there. The staff is almost 100% female...
 
I have certainly met some women with all the nurturing qualities of a rabid wolverine, and marvelous nurturing, compassionate men. Two of my male colleagues are such. That said, psychological studies still give an edge to women in the nurturing

department, Inate or environmental--still open to conjecture at this point. These same studies point to a difference in emotional maturity prevalent between the sexes as a possible causal link. The research is ongoing.
 
My in-laws were disappointed when my husband was born 14 years after his brother as they wanted a girl to look after them in their old age!:mad: Looking after them would have been a fate worse than death! No parent or sibling should expect to be looked after by their kids or siblings, female or male, in their old age. I certainly wouldn't wish myself on my daughters, and would go into a home if necessary.
 
We have to accept what research and observation shows us. Women thru the ages have been the caregivers. I call women I know Mrs, Goodperson because they do so much caring and relationship maintenance; they realize it and some times do more than is necessary, but they can't help themselves...
 
It's hardly you that messed up is it? You didn't have a great deal to do with it!

Seriously, I have both a brother and a sister. I haven't seen either of them for forty years and if I see them in another forty it will be too soon.

Families are vastly overrated!
 
I helped to,take care of my mother willingly. She was not of a temperament able to adapt losing her home, animals, independence, and deal with living in a rest home where her diminished intellect, and severe aphasia would have made her life intolerable. She

was perfectly mobile, could still do some things for herself. She did not require a full time caretaker. Her own lawyer said moving to a home would have killed her. No thanks. I did it more because of my values than anything else. Were the positions

reversed, would she have done the same for me? Never, far too narcissistic, although my grandmother lived with us when I was young. I don't expect my kids to care for me when I can no longer be independent. They are well aware, that at that


Juncture I will take the goodbye pill and slip away. Thank goodness for assisted suicide. I am going out with dignity.
 
There was no way on earth I would have considered looking after my mother. I would probably have murdered her within five minutes, and I make no apology for saying so!
 
Ralphy1 said:
Men are wired differently, and if you don't believe it visit a nursing and see who provides the care there. The staff is almost 100% female...
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Ralphy, I have observed very caring men who came to the nursing home every day to be with a wife who no longer recognises them and who cannot hold any conversation at all, yet the husbands are there by their side, feeding them and loving them though soft words and gentle touch. I've also seen these same men who continued to visit the home after the death of their wives, to bring comfort and cheer to other residents.

Both my mother and my aunt were cared for by some men who had a real flair for this line of work. One was gay, the other was a catholic priest on leave from his order. He took leave to care for his own mother and continued as a carer until his leave was up. Auntie was devastated when he went back to his priestly duties.
 
Shalimar said:
How sad your childhood traumas have left you with such deep wounds. I wish you healing and peace, cheese. It is a challenging road that many of us here walk.
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I don't think I had anymore traumas than most kids born in my day and age. Admittedly I could have done without hearing the flipping deity and Jesus mentioned so often, but I have got over that when I kicked my faith into touch! I am quite comfortable in the skin I am in and have no wish to be any different, thanks!
 
Laurie, it seems that you have come from an extremely dysfunctional family and I hope that you have adjusted well and found happiness in your own right...
 
Jackie, you are probably the norm. Warri, a gay man and a priest aren't exactly the norm for men, and men will come and visit and entertain but they are not likely to do the feeding, toileting, bathing and dressing, etc....
 
All part of the eternal life cycle, cheese, that Mommy Nature or God (your choice once again) brought forth...
 

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