Do you ever feel like your family doesn't believe you?

AprilSun

AprilSun

Senior Member
Do you ever feel like your family doesn't believe you? I haven't been able to drive for years. During this time, I would ride with my sister sometimes and the others I would go with my husband. Now my husband has passed away and I have to depend on others all the time. Everyone expects me to ride with this sister regardless of how bad her driving is. She has always been a dangerous and scary driver even to the extent that others said they wouldn't ride with her but she has gone from bad to worse! It got to the point that nearly every time I would ride with her, she would do something dangerous. Last fall, we were together and she almost pulled out in front of a speeding car. He almost didn't get stopped and came close to hitting us on my side. That day, I said I would never ride with her again except to go to my friend's house once a week. She lives about 5 or 10 minutes from here and there is no traffic. Most of the time, we don't even meet a car going over there. But, because of this, every time there is a family event that we need to go to, they expect her to drive and me to ride with her at least to another family member's house. Just today, I was told that we could go with another family member but I had to ride with her over to their house. This same person's spouse said they wouldn't ride with her either! The traffic is heavy over there and so many times I've ridden with her in the past in that area and she has nearly pulled out in front of so many people there. I was told they would come and get us but they had rather we go over there. That tells me they don't want to and I don't want anyone doing something for me knowing they don't really want to do it. They make me feel like they don't believe me. I would rather stay home than to ride with her anywhere where the traffic is heavy! I normally like to ride "wild rides" but hers is beyond that! I'm sorry if I "filled your ears full" but I didn't know who to turn to. I needed to vent!
 

No, I don't have that situation, yet. It must be awful for you to have to ride with a dangerous driver. Perhaps you can convince just one family member to drive you?

Why don't they believe you can't drive?

Otherwise, you'll have to pay a taxi or Uber driver if there is no public transport.
 
RadishRose said:
No, I don't have that situation, yet. It must be awful for you to have to ride with a dangerous driver. Perhaps you can convince just one family member to drive you?

Why don't they believe you can't drive?

Otherwise, you'll have to pay a taxi or Uber driver if there is no public transport.
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I'm sorry. I didn't make myself clear. They know and believe I can't drive but what they don't believe is how dangerous she is when she drives. I have ridden with a lot of different drivers and none of the others drive like she does. I can relax with everyone except her. Her main problem is, she pays more attention to everything around her except the other cars and the road. There was several times there in a row that if I hadn't been watching the cars in front of us, she would have wrecked.
 

Ken N Tx said:
Has she had a history of accidents ??
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No, that's the strange part of it. She has never had an accident that we know of. But, she is known to lie so there's no telling what she's hiding. If she hasn't, the only thing I can figure out as to why not is, she is more alert and careful when she's by herself. When I'm with her, she is too relaxed and depends on me too much to watch the road, etc. For example, when I told her I wouldn't be riding with her anymore, she said, "But, you can help me". I told her I couldn't control the car and she didn't need to be so dependent on me because by the time I see what is about to happen, it could be too late. If that's not it and she hasn't had an accident, then she is just very lucky!
 
AprilSun, absolutely stop driving with your sister for YOUR safety. If that means that you will not be "showing up" to family functions, maybe others will take you seriously (as they should be) and they will help you out with transportation. Hopefully changing your approach to this issue will send the message loud and clear:courage:
 
CuriousKate said:
AprilSun, absolutely stop driving with your sister for YOUR safety. If that means that you will not be "showing up" to family functions, maybe others will take you seriously (as they should be) and they will help you out with transportation. Hopefully changing your approach to this issue will send the message loud and clear:courage:
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Thank you for your understanding! The only time I ride with her now is to go over to my friends house once a week. But, she lives so close, I have walked over there in the past. I got fussed at for doing it but that's how close she lives. Also, I can count on one hand the number of cars we see on the road at the same time we are. In other words, there is as much difference as night and day in the amount of traffic going to my friends house and going to this family member's house who thinks I should ride with her over there. I'm not going. I would rather stay home than to risk my safety or ask someone to pick me up that thinks I should ride with her instead. This family member thinks I should ride with her over there and then we can all go from there to the family event. I will say, thanks but no thanks to the family event.
 
April, when I have a passenger in the car with me, I do all sorts of stupid things driving that I wouldn't do alone. Do you think maybe she gets distracted with conversation? But maybe does fine when she is on her own?

Have you tried having a time out, like from any talking while she is driving? Just concentrating on driving until you get to your destination. Would that offend her? Just a thought. :)
 
NancyNGA said:
April, when I have a passenger in the car with me, I do all sorts of stupid things driving that I wouldn't do alone. Do you think maybe she gets distracted with conversation? But maybe does fine when she is on her own?

Have you tried having a time out, like from any talking while she is driving? Just concentrating on driving until you get to your destination. Would that offend her? Just a thought. :)
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Yes, I've tried that but it doesn't help. She is paying more attention to what everyone else is doing on the side of the road than her driving. I quit talking to her while she drives years ago but that didn't help. She has almost rear ended people, side swiped people, hit head on, knocked down mail boxes, and the list goes on and on. The only thing that kept her from doing all of this is me. I would say, WHOA, you're about to rear end these people, etc. There are other family members that refuse to ride with her and this was her better driving years. As I stated earlier, her driving went from bad to worse and that's putting it mildly. It just got to the point where I couldn't enjoy going with her for the fear of her driving. I hope I don't come across as unappreciative but it was just plain scary!!!!
 
AprilSun, I totally support you. Regardless of what others in your family think, your safety, and emotional equilibrium are paramount.. If they don't like it, they can get over it in the same shirt they got into it. Lol.
 
Shalimar said:
AprilSun, I totally support you. Regardless of what others in your family think, your safety, and emotional equilibrium are paramount.. If they don't like it, they can get over it in the same shirt they got into it. Lol.
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Thank you! I really do appreciate everyone's understanding and support!
 
AprilSun, I don't drive these days because I can't afford to buy a car. So I am dependent on neighbors to drive me places and some of them are really bad drivers. So I know how you feel.

Does your area have any of the free or low-cost senior transportation services that are out there? Some are just for medical appointments but some others are for errands and other transportation needs. One church near me works with Uber to get free or low-cost rides for seniors. Try to find out if any organizations exist in your area. You may have to make a lot of phone calls or do a lot of Googling, or maybe your local senior center may know of an agency, or one of the churches/synagogues/etc. that minister to local seniors. Some are income-based but I don't think they all are -- it's needs-based too, and transportation is a need!

And as someone else here said, just quit going to family gatherings if driving with this woman puts you in danger. Tell your family why. It sounds to me like they need an attitude adjustment.
 
BlunderWoman said:
I'm very sorry you are in this situation. :(
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Thank you! I really do appreciate this.

Guitarist said:
AprilSun, I don't drive these days because I can't afford to buy a car. So I am dependent on neighbors to drive me places and some of them are really bad drivers. So I know how you feel.

Does your area have any of the free or low-cost senior transportation services that are out there? Some are just for medical appointments but some others are for errands and other transportation needs. One church near me works with Uber to get free or low-cost rides for seniors. Try to find out if any organizations exist in your area. You may have to make a lot of phone calls or do a lot of Googling, or maybe your local senior center may know of an agency, or one of the churches/synagogues/etc. that minister to local seniors. Some are income-based but I don't think they all are -- it's needs-based too, and transportation is a need!

And as someone else here said, just quit going to family gatherings if driving with this woman puts you in danger. Tell your family why. It sounds to me like they need an attitude adjustment.
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I've checked into those services but since I live out in the county, there isn't much available. Most of the time I do fine. It's just the family events that this one family member is doing the driving. They think I should ride with her to their house and then we all go from there. This isn't the first time I've been expected to ride with her over there. I keep telling them the same thing over and over. I had about decided to just make it easy for everyone and stay home. I had rather do that than to risk my life or for someone to pick me up when I know they don't want to. I just don't want anyone doing anything for me when I know they really don't want to do it. Am I being too stubborn here?
 
AprilSun said:
Do you ever feel like your family doesn't believe you? I haven't been able to drive for years. During this time, I would ride with my sister sometimes and the others I would go with my husband. Now my husband has passed away and I have to depend on others all the time. Everyone expects me to ride with this sister regardless of how bad her driving is. She has always been a dangerous and scary driver even to the extent that others said they wouldn't ride with her but she has gone from bad to worse! It got to the point that nearly every time I would ride with her, she would do something dangerous. Last fall, we were together and she almost pulled out in front of a speeding car. He almost didn't get stopped and came close to hitting us on my side. That day, I said I would never ride with her again except to go to my friend's house once a week. She lives about 5 or 10 minutes from here and there is no traffic. Most of the time, we don't even meet a car going over there. But, because of this, every time there is a family event that we need to go to, they expect her to drive and me to ride with her at least to another family member's house. Just today, I was told that we could go with another family member but I had to ride with her over to their house. This same person's spouse said they wouldn't ride with her either! The traffic is heavy over there and so many times I've ridden with her in the past in that area and she has nearly pulled out in front of so many people there. I was told they would come and get us but they had rather we go over there. That tells me they don't want to and I don't want anyone doing something for me knowing they don't really want to do it. They make me feel like they don't believe me. I would rather stay home than to ride with her anywhere where the traffic is heavy! I normally like to ride "wild rides" but hers is beyond that! I'm sorry if I "filled your ears full" but I didn't know who to turn to. I needed to vent!
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I'm so sorry you have had to put your life on the line to ride with her. It's simple to just say "no" to her or you could die much sooner than expected.
 
Ruthanne said:
I'm so sorry you have had to put your life on the line to ride with her. It's simple to just say "no" to her or you could die much sooner than expected.
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Thank you Ruthanne! I have been saying "no" but apparently there is one that doesn't take me seriously. This one seems to think that I should keep riding with her to their house at least but there is too much traffic between here and there so I refuse to do so. They just don't seem to understand. Thanks again for your understanding.
 
Allways said:
I don't know what your finances are like but you can buy a used car on craigslist for about 700. Just ask any of your neighbors that does not have a car and they will drive you in it in exchange for you letting them use it once in a while for grocery runs etc.
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I don't recommend this. Let someone get in a wreak in your car and you'll be sued and harnessed for the rest of your life. I never let anyone drive my car except my husband and close family. And they are bad enough, you know?
 
Linda said:
I don't recommend this. Let someone get in a wreak in your car and you'll be sued and harnessed for the rest of your life. I never let anyone drive my car except my husband and close family. And they are bad enough, you know?
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And that's probably what would have happened if I had tried that. I had 2 cars but I'm not going to pay insurance rates for them to just sit around or to let anyone else drive so I sold them. Most everyone that is close by work so that wouldn't have worked out if I had wanted it to, which I don't.
 
I'm so sorry for all you have to go through April Sun. Much of my family hasn't believed me for years, nor did they heed my desperate need for help. It took me a long time to give up on them. It went against everything my momma taught me. She never gave up on anyone. But after a time I stopped hoping they would gain some humanity. I'm not sure what you are going to do. But you do have my empathy.
 
AprilSun, I think you are wise not to ride with that person. Who cares what the others think? You have to do what you believe is the best and safest thing for yourself, whether other people, even family, like it or not.
 
Butterfly said:
AprilSun, I think you are wise not to ride with that person. Who cares what the others think? You have to do what you believe is the best and safest thing for yourself, whether other people, even family, like it or not.
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Couldn't agree more. A guy I dated for years, left the location plans for our outings up to me and because of the way he drove, I never pick anywhere that required more than 15 minutes on the road max. Big hindrance in our activities as he would have been willing to drive us any distance, but he was completely irresponsible in his driving practices. My stomach often ended up in my throat by the time we see ve at our destination.
 
I went out with a guy like that a couple times. His driving scared the living hell out of me, driving too fast, following too close, racing red lights. The first time wasn't so bad, the second time was awful. I think he thought it was entertaining to scare me. It wasn't, and I never went anywhere with him again. Life's too short already, without risking making it even shorter by riding with some idiot with a death wish.
 
A BIG THANK YOU to everyone for your understanding and support!!!!! Don't worry, I refuse to ride with her. It's not worth it so I'm not going to do it!!!!! Thanks again!
 

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