Senior Dating

ronk

ronk

Member
I'm terribly shy. I never dated much growing up. When I was 49 I went on Classmates.com and reconnected to the girl I had dated when I was 16, in high school. We were married a few years. I've been divorced now for over a decade, and feeling just a bit lonely. Yeah I'm still shy.

I wonder how seniors cope with some of the usual trappings of old age and health?! My ex-wife & I both discovered we had Sleep Apnea when we were together. It was easy to incorporate our individual machines into the bed-time routine. But how would I handle such a matter when dating?! You can't easily spend the night at someone's house if you're supposed to hook up to a BiPap machine when you sleep.

How do people handle dentures?! I have a full set of teeth, but they come out at night. What's the etiquette for handling dentures?! Do you tell your date right away, or do you let her or him discover it later?! How would I handle myself if my dentures come loose while we're eating at a restaurant?!

I have an umbilical hernia, and dread the idea of taking my shirt off in front of a woman. Would she faint when she sees the large bulge on my belly?!

I'm curious to know how other seniors handle such matters when dating.
 

Well, since I don't "date" -- I do have male friends, I just don't believe in the artificial, stressful, expensive world of "dating" -- I would only share a bedroom with a guy who was my very best and closest friend, and then only after we'd known each long enough and well enough that before we ever shared the bedroom we would know intimate details about each other (like sleep apnea, teeth, etc.). I don't do casual sleepovers.

So, yeah, the guys I know well enough and have spent enough time with to know their toilet and bathing habits, have seen them brush their teeth and floss and shave, and know to keep prune juice as well as pizza in the fridge when they come to visit ... I don't think teeth in cup on the nightstand or a belly bulge would be too big a hurdle.

The CPAP(?) thing, now, I don't know. Two of my friends have them and they hang on their bathroom doors and other than feeling I'm on a spaceship when I'm in the bathroom, I'm not bothered. But the idea of wearing one, or seeing a friend wear one, makes me feel suffocated, so I don't know about sleeping with one. Would sorta put a damper on spontaneous love-making, I'd imagine.

Aren't there other treatments for sleep apnea anyway, nowadays?
 
I don't look for one-night stands. I used the word "dating" because I couldn't really think of anything else. At this stage in my life, it makes sense to spend more time getting to know a a woman before taking the next step.

In my own research, the BiPAP (or CPAP) machines are more reliable than other alternatives. Surgeries have a very low success rate.
 

Ron, good subject. I think you are putting the cart before the horse. I too have dentures. As far as the restaurant, I make sure I've reapplied my cream and sometimes adjust what I order out to be sure I don't have an embarrassing moment.:wink-new:
At our stage of life, we have to be comfortable in our own skin and make peace with what we have...and accept what we don't. We are different people now than we were in our previous lives. As such, I accept the fact that we don't have six pack abs, that some are carrying a few extra pounds, and some may have health issues that need extra attention. None of that makes any of us less lovable. As far as I'm concerned, if those things are that important to someone, then they are probably not someone I want to be involved with.
The important thing is that if you want to make a connection, be confident in yourself and carry your head high. If you meet the right person and have developed a connection, what we view as our "shortcomings" will be revealed. If that person is still standing by your side, the rest will fall into place. And if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with "us", it just means that that person was not the one for us. I like to think that when we make a connection with someone, we overlook each other's quirks (which are part of who we are) and work on developing the good that we both bring to the relationship. I agree with you...spend time on getting to know the person!!
 
Well, I've been with my husband for over 40 years now, so definitely out of the dating loop. Neither of us use machines for sleep or have dentures to deal with. But honestly, I think if you're dating someone in your own age group, then none of these things would be an issue.

Like Guitarist, I'd get to know the person closely before getting intimate for sure. So any health issues would likely be out in the open to eliminate any surprises. So if you share the fact that you have a hernia, how you got it and what it looks like or how it feels, she'd probably just be interested in seeing it if she truly cares for you. I wouldn't make too much of these things, we're all people and nobody is perfect. :)
 
CuriousKate, SeaBreeze, thanks for responding. I'm a very shy person, although I've been known to "perform" in order to feel at ease in social situations. I usually have a nice "hello," sometimes sounding like I'm singing, whatever. I've gotten very positive responses from people. At the same time, I often sink a bit into myself when I'm shopping, etc. I get huge anxiety attacks, have trouble concentrating, finding stuff, deciding what I want. And I'm mystified when people see me and apparently think I am interesting in a positive way. Yeah, I'm rambling a bit here.

Yeah, my choice of the word "dating" had a somewhat negative effect. Maybe now you can accept that I don't look for quick & casual "one night stands," etc. In fact, I need to feel a strong, positive relationship before I even attempt anything "intimate." I'm an emotional, sensitive guy. I cried at my own wedding. And it took 33 years for me to marry my wife. She was my first girlfriend when I was 16. Yes, we're divorced now.
 
Shalimar, unfortunately many of the women I've met over the years have said they don't regard me as a good potential mate because I'm sensitive and emotional. But then again, I've been known to be attracted to the wrong women in my day. I've had to mature a lot, emotionally, over the years.
 
Hmm. Ron, seems to me that you are right about, like many of us, being attracted to the wrong kind of person when you/we were younger. It happens frequently. Maturity is a process. Easier for some than others. The fact that women of your aquaintance did not appreciate your sensitive emotional nature, speaks to something lacking in them, rather than you.
 
Ah My-------You are a youngster at 66 Ron. Try dating when you are 80 and recently divorced (Amicably). Fortunately, I am not shy, just extremely hearing impaired, which makes meeting ladies a real challenge.
 
Shalimar, one of my greatest weaknesses has been falling, suddenly and stupidly for almost any woman who showed an interest in me. Some of the women have been really bad for me. I also still need to sort through a few emotional problems of my own, dealing with rejection, etc. A few years ago one relationship ended, and it took me a long time to accept it. A restraining order did the trick!

I've grown up a lot since then. My marriage ended amicably. My ex-wife stayed in touch for 2.5 years, and helped me out while I waited to get on Social Security Disability. I finally ended the friendship when my money arrived. I told her it was hard to spend time with her, knowing she had a serious boyfriend. I saw her 10 years later, just as I was about to move from Maine to Minnesota. She was in a long-term relationship with a local man, and happy. We had a nice chat. She worked in the registration office for the lab in a local hospital. She'd gotten that job since the divorce, and was about ready to retire. It was a pleasant enough chat, but mostly business.

Lon, I have had mixed experiences with hearing impaired people. My last experience was with a guy who had volunteered to help people go grocery shopping. He could hear me fine when we talked in the car, but not when we got into the store. I was going through some emotional turmoil, and just stopped connecting with him. The organization finally dumped me. They had my cellphone number, and I'd changed cellphones.. complicated stuff.

I think we might have eventually worked out our communication if I'd managed to get over my emotional problems sooner. I actually saw him one time since then. He'd volunteered to deliver for Meals on Wheels. I only saw him that one time. I told him I'd missed him and shook his hand a few times. I tried to explain, but he didn't seem to hear me. Haven't seen him since.
 
ronknights said:
I've been known to be attracted to the wrong women in my day. I've had to mature a lot, emotionally, over the years.
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I hear ya, with three divorces under my belt- I took some major "time out" from being involved with women, so I could figure out the "whys" and wherefores"...and other really important stuff.

I've been successfully married to my present(and last) wife for 13 years, so there is life after...being single.



Friends first.....lovers 2nd, if it is a natural and right thing. ;)
 
tnthomas, congrats on the success of your current marriage. I'll most likely get off my butt and start attending some social functions in our building or nearby. I think a local church picks up people and takes them to various functions etc.
 
SeaBreeze said:
Well, I've been with my husband for over 40 years now, so definitely out of the dating loop. Neither of us use machines for sleep or have dentures to deal with. But honestly, I think if you're dating someone in your own age group, then none of these things would be an issue.

Like Guitarist, I'd get to know the person closely before getting intimate for sure. So any health issues would likely be out in the open to eliminate any surprises. So if you share the fact that you have a hernia, how you got it and what it looks like or how it feels, she'd probably just be interested in seeing it if she truly cares for you. I wouldn't make too much of these things, we're all people and nobody is perfect. :)
Click to expand...

When you've seen the guy's appendectomy scar, trust me, you've seen just about all there is to see! (I didn't particularly want to .... ) lol
 
ronknights said:
tnthomas, congrats on the success of your current marriage. I'll most likely get off my butt and start attending some social functions in our building or nearby. I think a local church picks up people and takes them to various functions etc.
Click to expand...

I wasn't a senior but married my current and final husband when I was 48. Bad choices when I was young, but wised up in middle age. Happily married for 16 years.
 
Ron, while I was reading your posts I related to you a lot about bodily things and emotions. I have a scar that one man who was my boyfriend made fun of and made me even more self conscious of. Boy, have I ever picked the wrong ones, too. That's why now I am taking my time and just having men as penpals. When I feel ready I'll try to find a man to be a friend. And maybe if that works out in time maybe more, I don't know yet. There's nothing that says I have to be in a relationship. I've had so many bad relationships and chose the wrong ones but now I'm finding I let go of them faster. It's really painful what we go through isn't it?
 
Whether friend or lover, IMHO, the most wonderful thing is to find someone to whom you can really connect. To have a man in my life who is able to run around in my mind with me, after years of being sentenced to solitary confinement in my head--that is a pearl beyond price! I am amazed.
 
Ruthanne, unfortunately, some people are quick to sense when someone has a poor self-image, and take advantage of it. I've experienced that in "romantic" relationships and work relationships. I applaud you for having the courage to stand up for yourself. Hold onto your worth! (Just woke up so I'm stumbling for the right words!)

Shalimar, I love the way you described a relationship.

I'd need a very understanding woman. Many years ago I started taking care of myself. I'm taking medications for high blood pressure. The timing was terrible. I'd just gotten married, and we were suddenly unable to make love. That inability led to the ultimate end of our marriage. I haven't been able to investigate the cause or remedy of the problem. I get terrible anxiety attacks when I contemplate anything complex. To make things worse, my last doctor visit showed my blood pressure to be sky-high. I'm already taking the maximum effective dose of my blood pressure medication. I should pursue the blood pressure issue soon.
 
Ron, blood pressure can be affected by anxiety, are you able to take any meds to alleviate that? At one point in my life, my panic attacks were so severe I required antidepressants and antianxiety meds as well as counseling in order to cope.
 
I'm taking medications for depression & anxiety. They're not incredibly effective. My ex-wife said my "performance" problems were not important. She was lying at the time. She confirmed the lies when our marriage ended.
 
Ron, I am so sorry. How hurtful. Sometimes meds are a mixed blessing. I never found them a cure for PTSD. Sometimes they were necessary, but my sexuality paid a price. I also noticed that my decision making processes were affected--an artificial tolerance reared it's head. I put up with toxic behaviours that I would not tolerate in a non medicated state.
 
Shalimar, you have my sincere sympathy.

During my marriage, I felt alone from the very beginning. She showed no loyalty, no desire to help me find a solution for Erectile Dysfunction. Yet, at the end, she said that was a part of why she wanted a divorce.
 

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