Hello from Cleveland Life requires too much from me. Any suggestion on how to cope?

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Marco

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Maybe it’s too much as for the introduction but I don’t know where to post.
I retired 3 month ago and didn’t miss my work a day. Still this change affected me so much. I was dreaming about having quiet time for reading and gardening, but life requires I pay attention to other things.
Suddenly I understood how I neglected the necessities of life: the house needs major repair, including the roof, the garden replanted, the car replaced. Some tasks can be done by myself, others are very costly. To find a good contractor I need to spend alot of time and energy, and I don’t seem to have it. My health is not as goodas used to be.
Strangely, everything around changed. I found myself in a depressing area with new people buying the properties where my good deceased neighbors lived. And these new people are a different stock caring more about their TVs than about the kids and houses. As a result the real estate prices went down. Everything seems so gloomy here now. No sense of community, everyone is on his own.
My two good friends died of cancer, another spends most of the time at hospital. I have no wife but have good kids who call me every day living with their families far away from me.
I feel I need a real change in the environment. I wish Icould sell the property and move to a small town where people are friendlier than here. But should I buy a new house or just rent?
I also understood that I am not ready for such a move, I cannot even afford to die… because my attic is full of junk, I need to get rid of it first, it would not be fair for my kids if I live them such a mess after me.
Still I have a hope the things may become better.
Maybe someone on this forum will read this and suggest something I don’t’ see in my confusion and frustration regarding my situation.
 

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Welcome to the forum, Marco. This is a great place to make online friends and acquaintances.
You didn't say where you are from.
I'm from Sydney, Australia, and I've been on this forum long enough now to have put down roots.

Marco, there is life after work. It sounds to me that you might be mildly depressed so I suggest a visit to the doctor to see if there might be something you can take temporarily to allow you to get things into perspective.

Then I suggest you prioritise and tackle your problems, jobs and projects one at a time. Start with the ones you can get out of the way quickly and take time to mull over the others for a bit before tackling them. Learn to live with some of them if money is a problem.

Take time to socialise regularly. Get together with some mates for coffee or a beer and enjoy some conversation with them. If you don't have any mates where you live then join a club or become a volunteer. You need human contact to remain strong enough to handle life's ups and downs.

Lastly, get some belly laughs. Laughter is still the best medicine and tonic we can access. Check out the humour section of this forum.

Keep talking to us whenever you feel the need of company and support. You will find both available in abundance here.
 
Welcome to the Forums..

Maybe you need some time away from home?? dunno.gif Try a vacation or a visit with your kids..Try looking for a bright side!!
 

don't let anything over whelm you, make a list of what needs to be done, concentrate on one thing at a time.........move if you think you want to, all the retirement books and blogs say wait at least one year before making a big move or change. make new friends, I joined the American Legion and have coffee a couple times a week with new friends. maybe a part time job is the answer, again it has worked for me, I took a job at the local hardware and see people and visit with them a couple days a week (oh I mean I work there) take care, yes things always need fixing and repair cannot get away from that, well maybe if you rent. mostly enjoy life, look for the little blessing each and every day, they are there.
 
Working and family responsibilities kept my wife and I busy for many years. Things got put on the "back burner" and after I retired they all came up to the front. And there's the loss of friends and close family members plus the old body just ain't what it used to be. (Getting up in the morning is akin to Frankenstein's first steps or maybe the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz.)

But with retirement came this wonderful little glow inside and Time. Time to pick and choose what to do or maybe research a future project, or just go until noon then coast the rest of the day. No more cramming everything into the weekend then going back to work on Monday.

Our neighborhood has changed also, all the kids (plus ours) have grown up and moved on. Some new folks have moved in and all the trees planted back in the day are now full grown.

I'm glad you have family that calls you all the time, sounds like they love you very much.. Awesome !!

Retirement is a big change, maybe step back and give yourself some time to get used to the water. And as ronaldj suggested, don't let anything over whelm you.

Good Luck and Welcome to the Forums.
 
Marco said:
....Suddenly I understood how I neglected the necessities of life: the house needs major repair, including the roof, the garden replanted, the car replaced. Some tasks can be done by myself, others are very costly. To find a good contractor I need to spend alot of time and energy...
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Hi Marco! Welcome to the forum!

I could have written this part of your post. Like Warrigal said, prioritize. Just jump in and start doing the things you can do yourself. It may seem overwhelming, but once you get started, it might even become interesting and take your mind off of other things. About the contractors, yes, it takes time to find someone, just keep trying, don't get upset, you'll find someone you like (or at least that will show up :)) eventually.
 
Welcome, Marco!

If you really think you want to move to a small, friendly town, I suggest going there for a longish visit first to see how you like the place.

Just keep in mind that not all small towns are friendly. They can be very unfriendly to "outsiders" who did not grow up there and don't know everyone. A small college or university town might be one of the more friendly ones, because so many non-natives move there to work, and they come not only from all over the country but maybe all over the world! So the town natives may be friendlier (and the town may have better services, too, than other small towns, such as doctors, hospitals, libraries).

You don't "have" to do what life "requires." You don't have to clean out the attic or fix up the place, if you want to sell; there are companies that buy fixer-uppers. There may be a service that will come clean out your attic for you and haul away the contents, if you are sure you want to get rid of everything up there.

I am really sorry to hear about your friends. Since your relationship with your kids is good and they live far away, can you go stay in their cities/towns for a long visit? I don't mean in their houses, just if you can afford a hotel or a rental vacation property in the area (e.g., AirBNB)? Can you afford something like that? Maybe you could spend some time in each kid's area and see if you all think one of them would be a good place for you to move to? Sometimes people will rent at first when looking for a new place to move to; that way you aren't stuck if you don't like the place after 6 months or a year or something.

Do you have any community at your church/synagogue/other? Could you try visiting one to make some friends? Unattached men are often very popular at such places! You might not have any problem making new friends (they might all be female!) :)
 
Marco - Aloha and Welcome from the Big Island of Hawaii! I hope you enjoyed the Cavs' NBA triumph and maybe even joined the other 1,000,000 folks downtown for the victory parade. I grew up in Gallia County, then lived in the Columbus area for 40+ years, and my late wife lived in Akron for about 35 years.

Go somewhere and get a little sunshine. It'll do you good!
 
Marco, welcome. There are a number of good suggestions above. I would advise against getting drugs from the doctor to help you cope. Never a good idea. That causes it's own issues. Maybe you could have a garage sale to sell the stuff in the attic. I cleaned out my mom's house once she was in a nursing home and I managed. Your kids would too. I suggest you brainstorm about what you'd like to do now. Write down anything and everything that pops into your mind, no initial editing. Then go back and assess everything. Maybe even do this over a period of several days. You can come up with the right solution or solutions.

Our neighbors our dying off too. And we wonder who will move in. This is a rural community and while we like it here, we don't have much in common with the other residents. We do like the solitude. But if I lived alone, it would be different, and I'd probably see about taking in a boarder.

Remember that nothing has to be solved instantly.

As mentioned, there are nice caring people here who will listen. Talk to us.
 
Hi Marco, welcome! :wave: The suggestions so far are good ones, I think you should take a deep breath and look at your situation from a distance. Maybe visit one of your children and have a talk to get their advice.

If you did move, it might be better to rent maybe even in a senior community, an apartment/condo would be easier to keep up than a house. The garden probably can take a back seat for now, and if the car is still in reliable working condition you can also take that off of your immediate list.

Making a list is a great idea as already mentioned, then put highest priority first and work your way down. Again, chat with your kids and get their input and ideas. We're here to help talk things out too, post anytime, lots of caring folks here to talk to. :)
 
I wouldn't rent, unless I wanted to check out an area first. It's money down the toilet if a person has the ability to own their own home. A senior community will have it's rules, ones you may or may not find acceptable since you've been in your own place. I know it can seem desperate, but a hasty decision can thrust a person into making choices that they hate later.
 
I dunno about the home ownership thing. At our ages, we might not live long enough to ever get the mortgage paid down where we'd have any appreciable equity at all. The first few years your payments are going to interest anyway so its still money down the proverbial toilet. And even if I could pay cash, I wouldn't want to sink all my reserves in a house, especially the way the real estate market is now. And renting is unquestionably a lot easier for older folks -- you don't have to worry about aging furnaces, lawn upkeep, etc., and the dreaded property taxes.
 
Butterfly said:
I dunno about the home ownership thing. At our ages, we might not live long enough to ever get the mortgage paid down where we'd have any appreciable equity at all. The first few years your payments are going to interest anyway so its still money down the proverbial toilet. And even if I could pay cash, I wouldn't want to sink all my reserves in a house, especially the way the real estate market is now. And renting is unquestionably a lot easier for older folks -- you don't have to worry about aging furnaces, lawn upkeep, etc., and the dreaded property taxes.
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He owns his home. So there would be no mortgage if he sold him home and moved to an area where the houses don't cost as much as where he is now. The house I live in is a very nice house. In the big city in the northern part of the state it would cost twice as much as it does here. The property taxes are not bad either. Living in a rental where someone else's rules apply is a horrible thing for some of us to contemplate.
 
You are in a great time of life Marco, just get a dumpster hire some local boy scouts to help you sort out your attic. Then take a nice long vacation anywhere you have always wanted to go. Then go visit your kids, and then, only then decide what you want to do. Enjoy this time of life it is a good time to be alive. Do not worry about anything I am sure you spent years worrying while you were working. So don't worry , be happy. heheheheheheh I had to get that in. :)
 
Thank you to all who answered. When I wrote I was very skeptical: who would care about my problems. Thank God, I was wrong. I opened a window to a world of people who are not indifferent and want to help with their advice. Not simply with a piece of advice, but sharing their wisdom as a result of many years of success and failure. Thank you for reminding many things I knew but simply forgot. I liked most of all your advice to take a vacation, at least it was the most appropriate for my state of mind at this time. And I did. Three days in wonderful Washington D.C. Now, you are right, I need a list of things to do, establish A, B, C priorities and so on. Thank you again for being so generous with your time and for sharing. You support is important.
 
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Marco said:
Thank you to all who answered. When I wrote I was very skeptical: who would care about my problems. Thank God, I was wrong. I opened a window to a world of people who are not indifferent and want to help with their advice. Not simply with a piece of advice, but sharing their wisdom as a result of many years of success and failure. Thank you for reminding many things I knew but simply forgot. I liked most of all your advice to take a vacation, at least it was the most appropriate for my state of mind at this time. And I did. Three days in wonderful Washington D.C. Now, you are right, I need a list of things to do, establish A, B, C priorities and so on. Thank you again for being so generous with your time and for sharing. You support is important.
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So glad you are feeling better. I think the people here realize how overwhelming, lonely and impossible things can become, and that sometimes no one we know wants to talk about it, or to talk to them creates more problems than it solves. And sometimes our dear ones pass away. Venting to someone who is willing to listen and offer what they can, can make all the difference. So many times in my life, the people who claimed to care, couldn't be bothered. They didn't respond at all. I learned that strangers can be kinder than those who supposedly care. And here, those strangers are becoming friends.
 
Cavs' triumph made a crazy night in the city. I did follow your advice and visited Washington D.C. It was a great trip. Now I again face-to-face with my problems. With hope I will win.
Thanks
 
Marco said:
Cavs' triumph made a crazy night in the city. I did follow your advice and visited Washington D.C. It was a great trip. Now I again face-to-face with my problems. With hope I will win.
Thanks
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If you go slowly and methodically you can overcome. If it gets you down in the process, back off for a little and tackle it again when you are up to it. You don't have to participate in win-lose. Sometimes it's better to go around the mountain than to struggle to climb over it.
 
Marco said:
Maybe it’s too much as for the introduction but I don’t know where to post.
I retired 3 month ago and didn’t miss my work a day. Still this change affected me so much. I was dreaming about having quiet time for reading and gardening, but life requires I pay attention to other things.
Suddenly I understood how I neglected the necessities of life: the house needs major repair, including the roof, the garden replanted, the car replaced. Some tasks can be done by myself, others are very costly. To find a good contractor I need to spend alot of time and energy, and I don’t seem to have it. My health is not as goodas used to be.
Strangely, everything around changed. I found myself in a depressing area with new people buying the properties where my good deceased neighbors lived. And these new people are a different stock caring more about their TVs than about the kids and houses. As a result the real estate prices went down. Everything seems so gloomy here now. No sense of community, everyone is on his own.
My two good friends died of cancer, another spends most of the time at hospital. I have no wife but have good kids who call me every day living with their families far away from me.
I feel I need a real change in the environment. I wish Icould sell the property and move to a small town where people are friendlier than here. But should I buy a new house or just rent?
I also understood that I am not ready for such a move, I cannot even afford to die… because my attic is full of junk, I need to get rid of it first, it would not be fair for my kids if I live them such a mess after me.
Still I have a hope the things may become better.
Maybe someone on this forum will read this and suggest something I don’t’ see in my confusion and frustration regarding my situation.
Click to expand...

You seem to be bowled over with possessions etc. My advice is to emotionally disassociate from it while you can. Start throwing nearly everything away. Don't even look at most of it. Odds are you don't need it. I did exactly that a few years ago . it was very liberating and got the elephant off my chest.
 

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