Reminds me of a joke my father used to like to tell. It's rather tasteless, but that hasn't stopped me yet. Besides, it's definitely germane to this subject:
There's an old train traveling along the tracks when suddenly it screeches to a stop, throwing people around. It is determined that someone has pulled the emergency brake.
The conductor storms through the cars, shouting "ALL RIGHT, WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR PULLING THE EMERGENCY BRAKE??? SOMBODY BETTER TELL ME WHO THE HELL PULLED THE EMERGENCY BRAKE!!!"
From the closed men's room comes a plaintive voice crying, "I DID!"
The conductor yells through the door, "WHY THE HELL DID YOU PULL THE EMERGENCY BRAKE!!!"
Even more plaintively comes the answer, "HEMORRHOIDS..."
"HEMORRHOIDS?" screams the conductor, "HEMORRHOIDS??? WHY WOULD YOU PULL THE EMERGENCY CORD FOR HEMORRHOIDS? EVERYBODY HAS HEMORRHOIDS!! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS!!!"
The voice cries out again, "MAYBE SO, BUT YOURS AREN'T WRAPPED AROUND THE TRAIN AXLE...."