Refrigerator & kitchen boundaries?

BlunderWoman

BlunderWoman

Senior Member
I never mind my immediate family members or their kids or spouses helping themselves in my kitchen to whatever they want. I have gotten weirded out though when an acquaintance stops by to visit & it is someone I am not close to and they get up and go through my fridge and cabinets. I think it's really bad manners. Maybe it was just the way I was brought up. I pretty much have the old southern etiquette of being a hostess. When a guest drops by I will offer them whatever I have in beverages and fruit , cake, cookies or something. That is what I do for unexpected guests. I do not feel obliged to cook a meal for an unexpected guest. & To tell the truth I think dropping by without calling first is sort of rude.

Anyway.. back to the purpose of this thread. On rare occasion there has been a guest that I'm not close to that had just gotten up and gone to look in my fridge and through my cabinets. This feels very violating to my sense of boundaries. I would never even think of doing that in anyone's home except my dad, sisters, or kids. So when someone does it to me I sit there digging my nails into furniture LOL.

So, what do you think the proper boundaries/etiquette is when visiting the home of someone you are not that close to?
 

I think there is a cultural distinction - some Hispanic cultures do like it when you make yourself totally at home and that includes fridge and cabinets.

Personally, I hate it and will disrupt it in a friendly way. But then, I don't usually let unannounced visitors in the house - I chat with them outside a bit and then excuse myself.
 
I can't believe anybody would do this Blunderwoman, you must be much better natured than me because if they acted this way in my home I certainly wouldn't be sitting there digging my nails into the furniture I'd be asking what the hell they thought they were doing !
 

Wren said:
I can't believe anybody would do this Blunderwoman, you must be much better natured than me because if they acted this way in my home I certainly wouldn't be sitting there digging my nails into the furniture I'd be asking what the hell they thought they were doing !
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I have a flip side that isn't very pretty. Once the satellite company sent a couple of guys out to my house to put up a satellite dish. This guy walked into my house without even knocking. I lost it. I yelled " Get the $%&* out of my house right now!! Then after he was back outside he knocked. I opened the door and he said " I'm here to connect your satellite." I yelled " YOU aren't here to do &*$% you stupid %$#&*#!! YOU are not coming anywhere near my house! What kind of a $%&*#$% freak are you to just walk right in someone's house without knocking?!!" So.. I called his boss & told him what the guy did and told him he better not send out another moron that did not know how to knock and wait for someone to come to the door. So.. I'm not always nice *grin*
 
OMG, how very rude. Maybe if this happens again you should say "excuse me, may I ask what it is your doing"? This of course would not be said in a friendly voice.
 
That kind of behavior (going through cabinets and looking in fridge) is WAAY out of line in my house.

I also agree with OP that just dropping by without warning is rude. I probably wouldn't even answer the door.

PS: Blunderwoman, you really should keep your door locked -- you never know who might wander in, maybe with very bad intentions. It's just not safe, especially if you are alone in the house. Not to be overly scary, but back when I worked with criminal law, I saw a surprising number of awful things that happened to people when someone just walked in their house or apartment. Once a bad guy is in your house, your options are very limited.
 
Overnite guests are expected to look after themselves. My kids do, but that is OK. There is one couple that we have been friends with for decades,that does it and we at their house. We also are comfortable appearing in night garb around these two. Closer to them than many family members.
 
No, absolutely not. I would never think of doing something like that even in a relative's house! Even my son and family have better manners than that, if they want something they will ask, never have they done that unless I tell them to reach in and grab something. Even they normally let me know when they are coming unless they are out and in the area. I'm not against people stopping by unannounced but mostly all do in our family. I actually thought this was normal behavior and manners and everyone behaved this way but I guess not! Personally, I find that behavior kind of creepy and would not be OK with it.
 
I was brought up to ask for what I wanted. I don't mind my kids and their spouses helping themselves but that is as far as it goes. I actually had to remind my daughter that she is welcome to get what she wants. She still will ask first. I guess I trained her well. Obviously the hubby was not brought up that way. Soon after my daughter moved into their new home we came for an overnight visit. I caught the hubby going through the cabinets. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was looking for the mugs so in the morning he could make a cup of coffee. My daughter heard the conversation and didn't seem to have a problem,or else she wasn't saying. I did though, and told him so. How hard is it to just ask?
 
I pretty much wanted to see what the accepted social norm is about the boundaries & I now see most people like me feel it's crossing a line. Thanks for all the great input :)
 
I think it is rude to look into anyone's closets and cupboards. And I am not from the South. I would never do that in anyone's home --- even a relative. I was taught to respect the privacy of others.
 
I can't say that has every happened to me, but I highly disapprove of it. As for people just walking into my house without knocking - that just doesn't happen, because my doors are always locked. Just not wise to not do so. I live within the city limits and there are all kinds of criminals on the loose in just about every city anymore. I never let anyone in I don't recognize or who hasn't the proper ID, and I NEVER leave any valuables in my car.
 
BlunderWoman said:
I pretty much wanted to see what the accepted social norm is about the boundaries & I now see most people like me feel it's crossing a line. Thanks for all the great input :)
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Even my children would not roam the house or cabinets!!

I once took my son into our master bath to see some work that I had done. He had looked around the master bedroom and said he had neven seen that room!! We have lived here 17 years!!
 
I have never had a guest go through my cabinets or fridge. I'd say something if they weren't a close friend. Close friends have the run of the house.

My MIL is different - she used to inspect everything and there was no way to stop her. So I put a lock on our bedroom door so she couldn't get in there to snoop. She not only inspected, she rearranged things. I found place mats in my husband's underwear drawer once. No, she didn't have dementia at that point. She was just strange.
 
I wouldn't like someone rummaging through my fridge and cabinets unless invited, and I wouldn't do that at someone else's house either. We had a good friend for over thirty years, and when he comes over if he wants something out of the refrigerator, he'll ask 'do you mind if I get a ....? I always tell him to feel free to get anything on his own, he doesn't have to ask. Sure enough, next time he's over he'll ask permission again. But to be fair, he doesn't come over that often, maybe if it was a daily occurrence he'd feel more welcome to help himself.

A repair man coming in without knocking if the door was open wouldn't be okay for me either, but maybe if he saw the door open he thought it was okay. I wouldn't jump on him too bad, but I would say something to make him aware he just can't walk in like that.
 
BlunderWoman said:
I never mind my immediate family members or their kids or spouses helping themselves in my kitchen to whatever they want. I have gotten weirded out though when an acquaintance stops by to visit & it is someone I am not close to and they get up and go through my fridge and cabinets. I think it's really bad manners. Maybe it was just the way I was brought up. I pretty much have the old southern etiquette of being a hostess. When a guest drops by I will offer them whatever I have in beverages and fruit , cake, cookies or something. That is what I do for unexpected guests. I do not feel obliged to cook a meal for an unexpected guest. & To tell the truth I think dropping by without calling first is sort of rude.

Anyway.. back to the purpose of this thread. On rare occasion there has been a guest that I'm not close to that had just gotten up and gone to look in my fridge and through my cabinets. This feels very violating to my sense of boundaries. I would never even think of doing that in anyone's home except my dad, sisters, or kids. So when someone does it to me I sit there digging my nails into furniture LOL.

So, what do you think the proper boundaries/etiquette is when visiting the home of someone you are not that close to?
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I don't mind my children giving me a hand in the kitchen if they are visiting, but dislike anyone else helping. One of my siblings likes to take over on the rare occasions she visits. I have threatened to tie her to her chair if she tries to assist me!:D
 
I would lose my sh*t if someone went in and started rifling through my fridge without asking. I don't do that at other people's houses.
 
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