Young Man Whose Wife Is Cheating

OneEyedDiva

OneEyedDiva

SF VIP
Location
New Jersey
Well I say young but he's probably around 48. He recently found out his wife is having an affair because her paramour came to him and told him. This guy is also married but allegedly separated. She has gone as far as to stay out all night and they have children. I did hear that she has filed divorce papers. He mentioned something to me the other night but we didn't have time to talk and I told him if he ever wants to talk he can call me. Just so you know...my husband and I are people that Gen-Xers and even Millenials feel they can talk to and elicit advice from. My days as an STD investigator-counselor certainly helped with not being judgmental, no matter what stories I heard.

I think he needs to be very careful about his own behavior, no matter how hurt and upset he is if he wants custody of his children or even joint custody because she is a shrewd lawyer. I heard that she's already started putting lies out about him. I just think this is wrong on so many levels. I know nobody is perfect and they've had their issues but she's just gone too far! What would you say to this man?
 

If his future EX is going to play dirty, his best strategy is to take the high road, stay honest and cope with the injustices as best as he can. The love of his kids comes first, and is the most valuable issue at stake. Money and material possessions are the least important, they can be replaced.
 
I would tell him to hire a very good lawyer, and to listen to what the lawyer tells him. I'm not being flippant by saying that -- I think that's the best advice for right now. And, as you wisely said, to be very careful about his own behavior so nothing he does can come back to bite him on the butt.
 
tnthomas said:
If his future EX is going to play dirty, his best strategy is to take the high road, stay honest and cope with the injustices as best as he can. The love of his kids comes first, and is the most valuable issue at stake. Money and material possessions are the least important, they can be replaced.
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Qft. A good lawyer is a must also. Perhaps a private investigator if his wife throws mud about.
 
Shalimar said:
Qft. A good lawyer is a must also. Perhaps a private investigator if his wife throws mud about.
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This young man has been out of work for quite sometime and just started a new job this week. I doubt he can afford a lawyer...let alone a GOOD one! It's a sad situation.
 
Like Thomas said, tell him to always take the high road, never bad mouth his wife (especially to the kids) and keep a journal that doesn't include cussing and swearing. Just the facts as they occur. He may need it. And no nasty tweets, texts or emails. If he loves his kids and wants to see them or even have them, these are important things to remember I think and whatever crap his wife has done, she is still his children's mother and they need to be free to develop whatever relationship is possible with her that they want. Getting nasty about her to them, could back fire on him.

Beyond that, just be a friend and let him know that you and your husband are concerned and hopeful for him that things will get better.
 
Debby said:
Like Thomas said, tell him to always take the high road, never bad mouth his wife (especially to the kids) and keep a journal that doesn't include cussing and swearing. Just the facts as they occur. He may need it. And no nasty tweets, texts or emails. If he loves his kids and wants to see them or even have them, these are important things to remember I think and whatever crap his wife has done, she is still his children's mother and they need to be free to develop whatever relationship is possible with her that they want. Getting nasty about her to them, could back fire on him.

Beyond that, just be a friend and let him know that you and your husband are concerned and hopeful for him that things will get better.
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I agree Debby. He knows we are there for him but things just keep getting worse. We love both of them but we cannot excuse his wife's actions. She takes their children sometimes when she sees this man. We found out he uses cocaine. Her husband was just served with a restraining order which we feel was totally uncalled for!
 

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