My husband~how would you handle it

debbie in seattle

debbie in seattle

Senior Member
Location
Seattle
Whenever we're with other people, my husband corrects me when I speak. For example, a few nights ago we went to dinner with some friends we see once a year (we live in different states). I was telling her something and I said, "about 10 days ago", my husband corrects me and says, "no, it was 8 days ago." It's continual. In this instance, he had done that to me 3-4 times and I found myself shutting down and just not talking or keeping my end of the conversation minimal so I wouldn't be corrected. Yes, I've spoken to him many, many times, some quite loudly, to no avail. We've been married 40+ years. I'm ready to punch him.
 

Ah, Aunt Bea, you're probably right!

However, I recently read an article about how former careers or life focus can affect retirement. After a lifetime of work and respect, suddenly these guys are a drift and feel left out or useless. Was your husband an engineer or accountant? Someone who paid close attention to details in his job? Or just his personality? Perhaps he just wants to be included in the conversation?

Next time, perhaps, you can defer to him and say, "It was ABOUT 10 day ago," and if he says "8," then nod and use that number - which may or may not actually be correct but no sense in arguing over it in front of friends. I understand the frustration but lets assume he is just trying to help. Perhaps you can preface the statement with your hand on his arm and say, "I know the details may be vague, but...." As for me, I know my mouth tends to run over my husband's comments and I really should make more of an effort to include him - sometimes it is easier to talk to my friend while the men are conversing about something else.

Anyway, after asking him to confirm EVERY detail, maybe he will get tired of it and realize that some of it just doesn't matter?? Good luck.
 

That's one thing the hubby doesn't do but I think it is pretty common. We have friends who's husbands do it and my brother in law does it constantly to his wife. I noticed the friends wife stops right then and there and battles it out, saying what difference does it make if it was Monday instead of Tuesday or 3 miles away rather then 6. My Sister in law just goes on with the conversation like he doesn't even exist with him babbling in the background. I know one thing, it is very hard as a listener to stay focused on the conversation with all that going on. Maybe you can remind him of that or purposely do it to him when you get the chance. Talking to another person when they are on the phone with me also drives me crazy.Never know if they are speaking to you or the person in the room. The same friend does that as well. It's seems to be a man thing. I've never heard a women do that.
 
It sounds like he's a stickler for details and probably started correcting you as soon as you two had history to recall together. It would have been hard to get him out of that 40 years ago, but now it's just something that's aggravation, but you have to just live with it. The most you can do is before a get together to ask him to try and bite his tongue when he wants to jump in with a correction, especially if it's not that pertinent to the story. Generally 10 yrs. ago isn't much difference than 8 yrs. ago to the listener anyway, I'd try to get that through to him.

Plus, you can just have a heart to heart and let him know how that makes you feel. If I went out with another couple and the husband (or wife) kept doing that, I'd think they were a jerk. We used to live next to a young couple when we were young. They were newly married like us and the husband was always putting her down whenever she said something, it was like he was trying to make her look stupid. All that resulted in is both of us feeling sorry for her, not respecting her any less, and feeling strong dislike for the husband, figuring he must have some shortcomings in his own personality that makes him put others around him down to make him look better, I don't know.

There must be a lot of good things about your hubby or you wouldn't have stayed by his side all these years. I would just consider this part of who he is, I don't think he's like my neighbor and doing it for evil reasons, I just think he might have a really good memory and has a compulsion to get the facts straight no matter how light the story is.

Talking to him once again is worth it, but realistically, you probably can't control what he does, only control your reaction to it. Try to completely ignore his interruptions, and let them roll off your back. Remind yourself that you married the whole package, the good and the little annoyances. I think all of us married folks can relate, the annoyances just vary. :love_heart:
 
After many years of marriage couples are bound to develope some irritations. In the grand scheme of things is it really important? If you husband would suddenly die and leave you alone there is a better than even chance that you would miss that quirk of his. Think about the joy you share in other aspects of your married life.

You asked. "How would you handle it"? I would handle it as I just wrote, I'd ignore the irritation and enjoy the good. That has worked for 56 years so far.
 
It's not Only Husbands...but also Wives who develop such quirks. Age seems to have all sorts of effects on a person Psyche. When my wife gets on a rampage, or gets up on the wrong side of the bed, I just go out to my workshop, and find something to putter with until she calms down. When she jumps into the middle of a conversation I'm having with one of the guys, we just change the topic, or move away. After all these years, I've learned to "adapt".
 
I plead guilty as charged, and Lord knows I've tried to quit, but it's a reflex. If you say 10 days and I know damn well it was only 8, I am compelled to correct the error. (And yes I am a retired Accountant...)

And to my first wife, Jan, and my second wife, Bobbie, I will beg for forgiveness when we meet again.
 
My husband and I are married 50yrs now and a lot has changed over the years. Years ago he never corrected me or said I was wrong about anything I said. Then retirement came and a new man showed up. Since he has been retired He has explained many things I don't do right. For instance I don't load the dishwasher the right way,and I also don't wash the clothes right. Oh and I also found out that I talk too much and even repeat myself at times. I laugh it off because if I didn't I would have to hit him over the head with the frying pan. I really think since retiring he feels useless and old. When we are with our children and grandchildren we all laugh when he picks on me. I just think it's a part of a long Marriage.
 
Ah ha Myguest55, he is an Engineer!

I've often gotten into it with him in front of folks, but everyone is looking very uncomfortable. I just sit there and take it.

Punching him sure is an is an attractive option at times (or so I think)
 
Everybody just seems so nice about this !

If I'd been humiliated regularly by my husband I would tell him the next time it happend I would be walking out and not socialising with him again until he stopped, and make sure I did, then I'd start making my own arrangements to meet friends and family without him, until he had a bit more respect

And if, like Sassycakes husband he started criticising me at home, I'd tell him now he's retired he can do it, then paint my nails or go out and leave him to it

(This post probably explains why I don't have a husband, sounds like too much hassle for me)....:bigwink:
 
debbie in seattle said:
Whenever we're with other people, my husband corrects me when I speak. For example, a few nights ago we went to dinner with some friends we see once a year (we live in different states). I was telling her something and I said, "about 10 days ago", my husband corrects me and says, "no, it was 8 days ago."...
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In Public: Slight public embarrassment should stop him on a dime. For instance, the next time he say's something like this in front of your friends, "it wasn't 10 years it was 8", right then and there, with a wink and a smile to your friends, turn to your hubby and say "no honey 8 years ago was when you were arrested for drunk driving". He'll start defending himself and then say, "quiet down sweetie and let me finish the story". That way, you'll look confident in a nice way, your friends will laugh, and he'll get the message...maybe not the first time but nail him everytime and he'll stop. It's a win win.

You can also just pause and say "are you finished now?" and then continue with your story.

At Home: Every time he does it, immediately and firmly say "who cares" or "no and who cares". No more, no less. Same reply. Every time. Move on quickly. No conversation about it, no emotion. At the very least he'll begin to see how often he does it.
 
debbie in seattle said:
Ah ha Myguest55, he is an Engineer!

I've often gotten into it with him in front of folks, but everyone is looking very uncomfortable. I just sit there and take it.

Punching him sure is an is an attractive option at times (or so I think)
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Maybe you could just instantly defer to him and say "Really? Well then why don't you tell 'Joan' what happened". And sit back and wait while you stare at him.

Would doing that a few times make an impression do you think and would he settle down after that and let you talk without correction or would he just take over entirely and always?

I think I'd feel kind of annoyed too. My mom does this sort of when her and I are having a conversation and she just jumps in mid sentence and talks right over me. I try to resist and keep talking, but I usually give up after a moment because she just won't stop. Drives me nuts and makes me wish I didn't have to phone her most of the time.
 
I'm single and while it has it's good points there is a down side too.
I don't have a significant other , so no-one to correct me right?
Wrong!
Whenever I visit family, I am often corrected about things said or done in the past. Yes, brother's and sisters and in-laws and everyone from Uncle Tom Cobley does it too.
It starts in childhood I think.
I have a retentive memory and yet was frequently corrected by parents for MY memory mistakes, when they couldn't even remember to set the clocks back for B.S.T.
Still , I flew through exams, etc, which used to infuriate my older brother who used to spend month's revising for his exams, while I was out playing.
Maybe, the family are getting their own back?

I know I am not right all the time, but being constantly corrected by people who's memory of events is sorely lacking is infuriating.
Invariably I change the subject.
At other times, I have a little fun with my erstwhile detractors. From 10 years old ( or was it 9, or 11 ????), I developed an interest in stage-magic and even performed for the family.
Over the years I have learned some very cool Mentalist, maths tricks which only seem complicated, but are in fact very easy to pull off.
When I am really cheesed off I use these to challenge " Mr/Mrs Memory " to a memory contest.
I always win because people don't realise the whole thing is a trick., but it invariably has the desired effect of proving my point.
Afterwards,I feel soooo guilty at my deception...NOT!
 
Correcting someone over an irrelevant issue is rude and not only makes you uncomfortable, it may also the people you're with uncomfortable too if he's doing it all the time.

That comes across as rude and obnoxious to me.

Ten days, eight days, what does it matter.
It doesn't change the point of the story about something you said or did.

Challenging him about this in public would be just as rude.

A private conversation telling him why it bothers you and how it makes you feel is in order.
Good Luck.
Steve
 
debbie in seattle said:
Whenever we're with other people, my husband corrects me when I speak. For example, a few nights ago we went to dinner with some friends we see once a year (we live in different states). I was telling her something and I said, "about 10 days ago", my husband corrects me and says, "no, it was 8 days ago." It's continual. In this instance, he had done that to me 3-4 times and I found myself shutting down and just not talking or keeping my end of the conversation minimal so I wouldn't be corrected. Yes, I've spoken to him many, many times, some quite loudly, to no avail. We've been married 40+ years. I'm ready to punch him.
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SteveLS said:
A private conversation telling him why it bothers you and how it makes you feel is in order. Challenging him about this in public would be just as rude.
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Steve, I think you may have missed Debbie's last line. Also, my comment was said rather tongue in cheek as an instant one-time fix done with humor. This one-time correction sure beats a lifetime resentment caused by her husband constantly embarrassing her in public for 40 years...and publicly placing her truthfulness in question in the eyes of her friends and acquaintances which sabotages her character.
.
 
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" Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. "

George Bernard Shaw
:wave:
 
He did it again last night! We were out with one of my daughters friends and we were discussing her summer vacation to my neck of the woods (Seattle) and she was going to visit Olympic Nat'l Forest. I said, "Oh, one of my sis in laws lives on the road going up there, what a view." Without a beat, my husband says,"No, she lives in a house on the side of the road going up there, not on the road." I ignored him.
 

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