52 years ago a Family Tragedy

Sassycakes

Sassycakes

SF VIP
Location
Pennsylvania
On Sept 26th it will be 52 yrs since my 85yr old grandfather got lost. A month later his body was found. The remaining family has decided to have a family gathering of all the remaining family. My cousin called to get the names of any family members I was still in touch with. Writing the list brought back such sad memories
of that time and what the family went through. My oldest Aunt had taken my Grandfather to a feast day picnic.She sat him on a bench while she went a few feet away to get him a drink. When she turned around he was gone
and then it all started. Search party after search party, going anywhere we thought
an elderly man would wonder etc. I don't think I remember my Mom doing anything but crying during those horrible days. A month to the day he went missing his body was found. So many things went on during that time. So looking at my list now I can not believe how many other family members are gone.
All my Mom's brothers (6) are gone. Only 2 of her 6 sisters remain. Of my 80 cousins there are only 30 left.
As much as I'm looking forward to seeing the remaining family, I know we will all talk about what happened then,and there will be many sad moments and I know some funny moments too. One of my cousins doesn't like the
idea of a get together, but I think it would be nice. What do you think ?
 

Awwww even though it's a reunion caused by a tragic event, it's still a reunion of all the remaining family...and after all the reminisces of Grandad... then it'll be lovely to just reunite with family again, and with a fast dwindling family, this is without doubt a good time to all get together, and make the most of your love for one another.
 

Thank you Holly. I would love to see everyone again,it's been awhile since we have all been together except at funerals.Coming from a large family is wonderful until members of the family pass away. There are soo many things to remember about those days and some of them will make us smile at what some of the things my Aunts did during that horrible time.
 
What a sad thing to happen to your Grandfather, Sassy. Yes, as time goes on we lose more and more family members.

I think a reunion would be nice for the people who want to attend!
 
Sorry for your loss, I understand how heartbreaking it can be to loose a family member in that way. Our family is having a similar conversation, our oldest living relative will be turning 100 in a couple of months. A cousin would like to have a family gathering at her nursing home. with as many coming as possible. I have no issues with the idea, but this relative has dementia, does not know anyone anymore..so it seems it would be more for the family for her. I do not mean to sound cold, but it may be upsetting and stressful for her to have so many people descend on her at once, when she has no idea who they are.
I say go for your reunion. Our family did have one about 10 years ago, and it was fun, especially since we lost a few cousins since then. I am sure your family tragedy will be discussed, but use it as a time to share happy memories as well
 
Marie5656 said:
Sorry for your loss, I understand how heartbreaking it can be to loose a family member in that way. Our family is having a similar conversation, our oldest living relative will be turning 100 in a couple of months. A cousin would like to have a family gathering at her nursing home. with as many coming as possible. I have no issues with the idea, but this relative has dementia, does not know anyone anymore..so it seems it would be more for the family for her. I do not mean to sound cold, but it may be upsetting and stressful for her to have so many people descend on her at once, when she has no idea who they are.
I say go for your reunion. Our family did have one about 10 years ago, and it was fun, especially since we lost a few cousins since then. I am sure your family tragedy will be discussed, but use it as a time to share happy memories as well
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You're probably right about your relative with dementia. She might even get frightened with a lot of strange faces around her. You are also right about us getting to share happy memories too. The Aunts and Uncles and many cousins I had all had great sense of humor and were always doing things that would make us laugh , especially when my Grandfather was missing. I remember one incident when we had to go out after midnight because someone thought they saw an elderly man wondering around in a park. We all ran out and jumped into cars. After I was in the car I looked around and realized I was the only girl in the car with 6 men who I didn't recognize. I started to worry until I saw they all had blue eyes. All the men in my Mom's family had blue eyes and the women all had brown. I was the only granddaughter to have blue eyes. So I figured out they must have been older cousins of mine that I hadn't seen in a long time. When I asked if they were my cousins they all cracked up and said "No, who are you anyway "! Then the laughing started.
 
It was very sad and very frightening. Not knowing where he was ,if he had been hurt,or if we would ever see him again. He was such a loving man and crazy about his Family. When I was a little girl he would open his wallet and give me a nickle and say "Barbara Ella nica girl". He spoke very little English ,he had been born in Italy. I can't imagine the pain my Mom .Aunts and Uncles went through. It's a good thing I had 4 older cousins that were nurses and they made sure they did their best to take care of the family. As a matter of fact 2 of the nurses went to see Jean Dixon give a lecture. She was a Physcic (sp) and after the lecture she was signing autographs. They gave her a picture of my grandfather and even though it was face down when she touched it she said "Oh he is missing.you will hear something Tuesday." Sure enough on Tuesday ,a month from when he went missing a young boy tripped over my grandfathers body. I still think of that boy all the time. My Mom's family gave him money for College. I can't imagine what he felt like when he saw the body.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost a family member in a devastating way, too. Personally I would have the reunion on a holiday or another day. Sorry, just my 2 cents. The circumstances were different in my family though so that's why I feel as I do. So do as you feel, of course.
 
Maybe turn your reunion into a "Celebration of Life", celebrating the past lives of those who have passed on as well as those still living. I think your family needs closure so this reunion is perfect, but making it a focus on the tragedy will be too uncomfortable for some of your family members, especially your Aunt who must carry a lot of guilt and therefore not a helpful experience. Sure, it may come up in conversation. That's okay too...as long as the focus moves back to celebrating the the living and the lives of those no longer with you.

Send invitations to everyone with "Celebration of Life" front and center so everyone knows that this reunion is not about mourning and sadness but about all of the good memories. You can plan a "Memorial Toast" to all those no longer with you but end the toast changing the focus back to a celebration of their lives and cherished memories. Use KenNTex's words (post #2) in your toast...perfect. Instead of a toast, everyone could hold hands or light candles and repeat together the words in Ken's post. One line at a time together.

Maybe bring out family albums of all the fun times. Maybe ask family members to bring a few of their favorite happy photos to share. Have instrumental music that's soft, easy-listening, and upbeat in the background. Why did an instrumental of "Girl from Ipanema" pop into my head just now (Astrud Gilberto, not lyrics). Then there's "Summer Samba" (Walter Wanderley) and "Take Five" (Dave Brubeck).

Serve comfort foods and "happy drinks". I don't know what happy drinks are...I just made that up lol. Maybe sweet tea with sprigs of mint or punch with small fruit kebabs sticking out or laid on top (on bamboo sticks).
 
My late father had his tragedy and he told all of us children about it over and over. When he was a boy of nine, his family was living in Tennessee. His mother's family was from there in that state...his father's people had once lived in Tennessee, but further back and then they had moved to Texas. His father was a Methodist minister. One night their whole world was changed when a powerful tornado went through the area. It killed his mother and left his father barely clinging to life. My father and his brother were okay, thankfully. It was a small town and they couldn't easily handle all the wounded, so his seriously wounded father was sent by train to another town with some other casualties. The two brothers also went along. Eventually, as soon as his father improved enough, they were sent back to Texas so his father could recuperate with his family there. Every time he told the story my father's voice got hoarse and there were tears in his eyes. He missed her so much! His father slowly had regained his health and later remarried, but Daddy just couldn't accept his stepmother...he tried, but never was close to her. We never knew our Grandmother Blanche, but because he talked about her so much, it was as if we could love her also. When Daddy passed away, we knew he'd be with her...it seemed to help me accept his death.
 
Ruthanne said:
I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost a family member in a devastating way, too. Personally I would have the reunion on a holiday or another day. Sorry, just my 2 cents. The circumstances were different in my family though so that's why I feel as I do. So do as you feel, of course.
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Fortunately the Anniversary of his death falls on a weekday so we won't be able to have it then,because some of the family works. We will do it on a weekend after the day passes. There are only 2 of my Mom's sisters still alive and one lives far away. The other one just turned 100 so I don't know if her daughter will take her. Most of the ones going will be the nieces ,nephews and their families. I have had some great times with my cousins before so hopefully it can be an upbeat gathering.
 
Sassycakes said:
It was very sad and very frightening. Not knowing where he was ,if he had been hurt,or if we would ever see him again. He was such a loving man and crazy about his Family. When I was a little girl he would open his wallet and give me a nickle and say "Barbara Ella nica girl". He spoke very little English ,he had been born in Italy. I can't imagine the pain my Mom .Aunts and Uncles went through. It's a good thing I had 4 older cousins that were nurses and they made sure they did their best to take care of the family. As a matter of fact 2 of the nurses went to see Jean Dixon give a lecture. She was a Physcic (sp) and after the lecture she was signing autographs. They gave her a picture of my grandfather and even though it was face down when she touched it she said "Oh he is missing.you will hear something Tuesday." Sure enough on Tuesday ,a month from when he went missing a young boy tripped over my grandfathers body. I still think of that boy all the time. My Mom's family gave him money for College. I can't imagine what he felt like when he saw the body.
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Sassy, did you ever find out what exactly had happened to him? My grandfather wandered off a time or two and people got quite frantic looking for him. Fortunately, he was found OK, but very confused. Evidently he could not remember which way was home so he just sat down.
 
Butterfly said:
Sassy, did you ever find out what exactly had happened to him? My grandfather wandered off a time or two and people got quite frantic looking for him. Fortunately, he was found OK, but very confused. Evidently he could not remember which way was home so he just sat down.
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From what they could determine they said he must have thought he needed to use the bathroom. He got up and started walking and probably couldn't find a bathroom. He started to walk across a field and had a heart attack. He fell into a slight hole that had a mound of dirt on one side. They were building a school in that field and were doing work on the other end and didn't notice anything. During the month he was missing a boy ran through that field everyday. One day he ran in a different direction and tripped over my Grandfather's body. To this day I can't imagine what the young boy went through when this happened.
 
Sassycakes said:

Fortunately the Anniversary of his death falls on a weekday so we won't be able to have it then,because some of the family works. We will do it on a weekend after the day passes. There are only 2 of my Mom's sisters still alive and one lives far away. The other one just turned 100 so I don't know if her daughter will take her. Most of the ones going will be the nieces ,nephews and their families. I have had some great times with my cousins before so hopefully it can be an upbeat gathering.
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I hope it will be a nice celebration, get together for you all! :love_heart:
 
Although it's a remembrance of a sad occasion, I'm sure everyone will have a great time. Unfortunately with how spread apart we are in my family the only time we can all get together is a wedding or funeral.

The last death in my family was my mom but there was no funeral so our last reunion was my niece's Caribbean cruise wedding and that was a blast.

Im the oldest now so if we get together for a funeral ...it will most likely be mine. Guess I'll be there in spirit. :)

There are a few marriage age family members so hope that's how it goes instead.
 
CeeCee said:
Although it's a remembrance of a sad occasion, I'm sure everyone will have a great time. Unfortunately with how spread apart we are in my family the only time we can all get together is a wedding or funeral.

The last death in my family was my mom but there was no funeral so our last reunion was my niece's Caribbean cruise wedding and that was a blast.

Im the oldest now so if we get together for a funeral ...it will most likely be mine. Guess I'll be there in spirit. :)

There are a few marriage age family members so hope that's how it goes instead.
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CeeCee, Don't count yourself out just because of your age. My Aunt Rita just turned 100,my Aunt Helen passed away at 101 , and my Dad's Uncle Jimmy passed at 104 !
I have to admit though I really don't hope I'm around at that age.
 
Thanks Sassycakes! Nobody lived to be 100 but nobody died young either in my family. My dad was 93 and his mom was 97 and I do take after them.

Guess I'm just feeling old after so many dr visits since I got Medicare. Every dr visit finds something benign but it's enough to worry me.

I do have anxiety issues unfortunately.
 
CeeCee said:
Thanks Sassycakes! Nobody lived to be 100 but nobody died young either in my family. My dad was 93 and his mom was 97 and I do take after them.

Guess I'm just feeling old after so many dr visits since I got Medicare. Every dr visit finds something benign but it's enough to worry me.

I do have anxiety issues unfortunately.[/QUOTE

You aren't alone with anxiety issues either. I've had them since I was young so you can imagine how bad they are now. I have more Doctors names in my phone book then friends !
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