Happiness is not a relief

V

Victor

Senior Member
Location
midwest USA
I discovered that when I retired I was very relieved--but I am still not happy.
Happiness is not merely quitting a job or gettihg over a disease. It must be something very
positive as well. To be relieved of a negative does not make a positive, at least not to me.

There must be more, and I do not mean starting a hobby, joining a club, investing and the
usual things people do in free time, It must be much bigger than that! The questions is--
what is that? I don't count watching a movie or eating at a cafe. That passes quickly.

Decades ago a national US survey showed that people who said they were unhappy said that
they had not enough positive or enjoyable things to do. They were not unhappy because of
poor health, divorce, job loss, lack of money and the usual reasons.

What say you?
 
Victor said:
I discovered that when I retired I was very relieved--but I am still not happy....There must be more, and I do not mean starting a hobby, joining a club, investing and the usual things people do in free time, It must be much bigger than that! The questions is-- what is that? Decades ago a national US survey showed that people who said they... were not unhappy because of poor health, divorce, job loss, lack of money and the usual reasons.
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My thought is that "poor health, job loss, lack of money, etc" often results in regrets that continuously haunt us. And there is a void that needs to be filled inside all of us. I had regrets popping into my head daily after I retired and bogged me down, but I figured out how to remove each regret one at a time...instantly. It works like a miracle.

And thankfully, I figured out a long time ago how to fill that void or empty feeling instantly and what I filled it with that is accessible to everyone instantly. That also works like a miracle. My life isn't perfect by far but I'm happy, grateful, and feel loved everyday despite the imperfections of my past present and future. And the burden of regrets has been lifted totally.

Overtime a new regret pops into my head (not as often now) so, again, I do the same thing that takes it away. I'll tell you what that something is. PM me. Everyone regrets missed opportunities, wrong choices, and sometimes much worse. Even the worst can be lifted. It's a short answer basically...very simple and easy... but not everyone has a desire to hear it so I won't bore them here.

Here is part of the answer, but she doesn't tell you how to do numbers 1 and 2. That's where I can help possibly...
https://www.seniorforums.com/showthread.php/32093-5-Simple-Rules-for-Seniors-to-be-Happy
 
I think the answer appears in your original post, but I may be mistaken. It says people who were unhappy said they had not enough positive or enjoyable things to do.

Positive and enjoyable are subjective, surely, so we each need to figure out what fits the bill for us. For me it's spending time with family and friends, volunteer jobs and civic duties, hobbies, pets.
 
Victor said:
I discovered that when I retired I was very relieved--but I am still not happy.
Happiness is not merely quitting a job or getting over a disease. It must be something very
positive as well. To be relieved of a negative does not make a positive, at least not to me.


What say you?
Click to expand...

Well, it's up to You you make a "positive", it doesn't just fall into your lap.

Quitting a job or retiring can be depressing at first. Happens a lot.

But not finding happiness over conquering a disease? Are you kidding me right now?

To not suffer, to not die in agony, to not put your family through the sadness for your sake at least for now, doesn't give you any happiness?

"Decades ago a national US survey showed that people who said they were unhappy said that
they had not enough positive or enjoyable things to do."

How many decades ago and what survey was this? (NO one is happy all the time.)

"people who said they were unhappy said that they had not enough positive or enjoyable things to do."
Why? What do you think prevented them from having enough positive or enjoyable things to do?

I think people like this who feel they are missing out on "happiness" even though they've escaped say, terminal illness are probably just low on a chemical in their brains that allow for the feeling of happiness or contentment.

We no longer have to suffer. There are replacement drugs, and I've needed them myself. Why not consult with a Dr. about your unhappiness? If it caused you to write about it here, I can see it's bothering you. Best wishes.
 
Victor, to "there must be more" - I can only speak for myself. I have no regrets. I've made many mistakes, I can even pinpoint them, but I don't regret them.

I made one major mistake that I regretted for many years. It was eating at me, and I couldn't just "let it go." So, about 5 years ago, I went to the two people I thought it effected most and talked to them about it.

They said, "Yes, you used poor judgement, but we got over that a long time ago. At the time, the worst part about it was finding out that you're human. But that's actually the best part, because we were bound to make mistakes, too. Dad, everyone make mistakes. There are no exceptions."
 
What do I say? Well, that's a long story, so I'll keep it brief. Like everyone, I've made mistakes and have regrets. But now in "autumn of my years" I find happiness in watching my daughters succeed, and I love visits by family members at Thanksgiving and Christmas, especially visits by my granddaughters. I look back on life now and savor the good memories - going on vacations with my kids, especially the beach, watching them go through school, then to college, then marriage, and beyond. Now I'm going through it all again with the g-kids.

My wife and I love to go to the symphony (where my daughter is a horn player), both here and in the Carolina Symphony. Also my wife and I are heavily engaged in church work. I'm also a member of a men's Christian group that serves the community, schools, churches, and others. We meet every Saturday for breakfast, then every month for a dinner meeting, and at other times. Its a very close knit group, and to me "serving and working for a greater and higher cause" is the source for a deep down happiness, and that is hard to describe, so I'll leave it at that.
 
I say happiness is a choice and an attitude.

I also believe that much of the happiness in my life has come from helping others and not being concerned about myself and my own problems.

"Happiness is a choice – not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you." – Ralph Marston

Good luck!!!
 
I think perhaps we can place too much emphasis on happiness. It is ephemeral at best. Contentment, a sense of purpose, that might be easier to achieve. Some find meaning in sharing their life skills/wisdom with others through a variety of ways. Volunteering, mentoring etc. Others foster needy

animals. Some interact with random people as they go about their errands---one smile freely given can warm hearts. Some travel. An introvert uncomfortable with dealing with people might take up writing. I would love to believe that I am the primary arbiter of

my own happiness. I suspect I still carry too much baggage for that to be entirely true. Many people are in the same position. But hey, we slay the dragons we can, live with the rest. Out of that acceptance has come my peace of mind.
 
If we seek contentment, in whatever state we are in, happiness will be sure to follow. We should try not to let circumstances rule our moods.
 
I certainly don't have the answer but what helps a lot with me is a walk in the woods at dawn every morning where I take in the beauty of nature renewing itself each day.
 
I am thinking of happiness over the course of a lifetime, not some nice days. Or a walk in the woods.
Posters seem to take happness ina minimal way, the least necessary to be happy.
For me, having an attractive somewhat younger woman to hang out with as a friend and more
woud help a lot but that's likely impossible at my advanced age.

I have joined more clubs over the years than I can remember--online and offline.
 
Victor said:
For me, having an attractive somewhat younger woman to hang out with as a friend and more
woud help a lot but that's likely impossible at my advanced age.
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How about a woman your own age who had a kind heart and is beautiful on the inside, I think that would bring you much more happiness. There are women around who are very caring, you should just try to get out and meet one. Good luck, I hope you do find happiness soon.
 
Victor,

I don't want to sound like Pollyanna but I think that you would be happier if you concentrated your energy on the things that you have and not the things that are missing in your life. IMO if you appear to be happy and content with the life that you have you are more likely to attract someone that wants to share those things.

Good luck!!!

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At his height of fame Albert Einstein ran out of tip money so he wrote and gave the waiter a real tip more valuable than a few coins and one that would recently fetch the current owner of the note a modest $1.56 Million at auction. His 'Theory of Happiness' goes like this...“A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.” In my life that rings so true. But sadly when I was a young man I could understand neither the logic or the importance of such a statement and now for me the pursuit of success and all that goes with it is irrelevant.
 
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I have days when I feel unhappy and if I can't find anything that makes me happy in the present I think back about good times I've had from long ago. Some situations even make me laugh. I also try very hard to eliminate anything unpleasant. I don't listen to the news much anymore, all gloom and doom. On Facebook I found I can delete any subjects I find depressing that come from my friends without unfriending them. The best solution for me is to read or listen to an audio book.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
I have days when I feel unhappy and if I can't find anything that makes me happy in the present I think back about good times I've had from long ago. Some situations even make me laugh. I also try very hard to eliminate anything unpleasant. I don't listen to the news much anymore, all gloom and doom. On Facebook I found I can delete any subjects I find depressing that come from my friends without unfriending them. The best solution for me is to read or listen to an audio book.
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That's good advice. Like you I have found that when I'm down it helps to think back at the things/times I enjoyed and try to appreciate that I at least have those... so maybe things aren't as bad as I am making them.
 
I think people are happiest when they are part of a whole. When they are active and engaged in something bigger than themselves. Something they believe in, that gives them purpose. I think that's why people join clubs, groups, volunteer work, etc. They are trying to find that sense of belonging and fulfillment. I am not by nature a touchy, feeley, gushing sort of person. But I have started reaching out to people, caring about their lives, and I have to say I am happier for it. Everything is not always a bed of roses, but at least I feel I am part of a living community.

When I retire, I plan to be a producer (of food) for the local food co-op. I also plan to volunteer at the local state parks. I am trying to get a fitness certification so I can have an impact on keeping people healthy through excersize. They are things I am passionate about. I am so looking forward to retirement when I have the time to persue these.

I think you said you have tried joining groups, memberships, etc. Maybe when you find that something that makes you feel a part of it, you will find what you're looking for.
 
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I think we all need to be productive, although that can take different forms.

I was watching a show several months ago where Martin Clune bought a pair of work horses and then he and the horses went to a trainer. The guy told Clune the horses had to work or they would get up to mischief.

I've read the same thing about working dog breeds. You can't buy a husky and not keep it busy, or you'll have problems. I knew a couple of people who got Dalmatians after the movie thinking they had attractive house dogs. Wrong. Those were some of the most destructive dogs I've ever seen.

It's quite possible we humans are the same way. We need to feel we're doing something worthwhile.
 
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