Polygamy in America

Sunny

Sunny

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Maryland
Okay, here's a new subject for a change.

I just came across an interesting documentary on one of my streaming channels: My 5 Wives. And that title isn't kidding. It's about a family living in a rural area just outside of Salt Lake City,
Utah, where the guy has 5 wives and 24 children. They partly share their homes (2 houses) and partly have their own individual areas. They share the husband. Each wife gets him once every five days. They all married fairly young, but were the age of consent, around 19 or 20. They are intelligent and articulate, and particularly the guy has an excellent command of the English language, explaining their situation very clearly. I don't know (yet) what he does for a living, but he sounds educated. Some of the wives apparently work outside of the home. I have to wonder how anyone can afford this, aside from any other considerations.

They started out Mormons but broke away. I'm not sure if they follow any particular religion now. I get the feeling they don't, and he says he tells his children that they should follow any religion that inspires them to be the best person they can possibly be. There was a brief mention of saying a prayer, just before dinner.

They seem happy in general, but do have some problems. It's a series, so I've just started to get to "know" them.

Fascinating stuff, and it makes me wonder, is there really anything wrong with this lifestyle for those who choose it? What are the pros and cons? Not talking about marrying young teenage girls, which I think is just sick. I mean between consenting adults.

Any opinions? (And remember, before any Bible thumpers start in, that polygamy was apparently normal and accepted in Biblical days.)
 

Once I would have been outraged but at my age I am OK with this irregular domestic arrangement as long as it is not a cult where members are kept away from normal society and indoctrinated and as long as the children are happy, healthy and well looked after. It goes without saying that I would consider education as important as nutrition. The marital arrangements don't faze me at all.
 

I haven't given polygamy much thought. I'd have to learn more about them and their lifestyle before I made up my mind. Though I'm no supporter of Islam, polygamy does seem to work for them. I would be interested in the views of the wives of a polygamist.
 
Warrigal said:
Once I would have been outraged but at my age I am OK with this irregular domestic arrangement as long as it is not a cult where members are kept away from normal society and indoctrinated and as long as the children are happy, healthy and well looked after. It goes without saying that I would consider education as important as nutrition. The marital arrangements don't faze me at all.
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I agree. Not my place to judge.
 
I don't really know too much about polygamy as a cultural thing. It's not something that has been talked about much here, well not that I've noticed anyway.

I remember a reasonably famous Aussie actor from the 70's who had two wives, sisters I seem to remember. Not sure how that worked out for them long-term, but I think it survived for quite a while. It didn't seem to faze too many people back then either. I can't remember it being a particularly big deal in the press, which is surprising I guess given he was 'famous'. Obviously, it got some coverage or I wouldn't even have heard about it, but like I said I don't remember it being such a big deal.

The only thought I have on polygamy is that it seems as though it is almost always multiple wives, rarely multiple husbands, but whatever floats your boat.

....

Ok - should have googled before posting. He was only married to one of the sisters but lived with both of them so it wasn't really polygamy or even bigamy. And apropos of nothing, he cheated on both of them. But here's a thought, how come polygamy is ok but bigamy is illegal? Or are they both illegal and the people practising polygamy aren't really married to more than one of the 'wives'?
 
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Leonie said:
Ok - should have googled before posting. He was only married to one of the sisters but lived with both of them so it wasn't really polygamy or even bigamy. And apropos of nothing, he cheated on both of them. But here's a thought, how come polygamy is ok but bigamy is illegal? Or are they both illegal and the people practising polygamy aren't really married to more than one of the 'wives'?
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Bigamy and polygamy are illegal in OZ but the way they get around it is to divorce the first, marry the second and then continue both relationships, usually in separate houses. I know of at least one Mormon family that worked this arrangement.
 
Sunny, I have watched that show , that's the one with 'Brady' as the husband isn't it?

I wasn't too keen on it tbh...Brady seemed nice but some of the wives seemed to be eaten up with barely hidden jealousies although they mostly denied this.. the series unsurprisingly didn't last too long because the wives weren't willing to open up more about their lives..

I have watched ''My 4 wives with Kody and his 4 wives who were hounded out of Utah for living a polygamous lifestyle ( although technically he's only married to one wife)... and began a new life near Las Vegas....Love them or hate them or the idea of their lifestyle... this family seems remarkably wonderfully adjusted despite many dramas... so I really enjoy watching them.

I've watched their children grow, and now many of them are adults and 2 are married with children of their own, and absolutely adore their father and all their ''mom''.. none of them want to embrace the polygamous lifestyle...
 
I was also wondering how legal these marriages are. Or does Utah have more liberal laws about this than most states? It could be that only the first is a real "marriage," and the others are common law marriages.

I think the reason for multiple wives goes back to the original scenarios people were living in thousands of years ago. They were agrarian, they needed more children to work on the farm, multiple wives would give them that, while one wife/multiple husbands would give them the opposite, one new kid per year at the most. And with multiple wives and one husband, it is obvious who the parents are. The other way around, how would they ever know who the kid's father is?

Also, women are probably a lot better at group loving, sharing, etc. then men would be. If jealousy is a problem with Brady's family, it would probably be much more of a problem with a household of multiple men.

Plus, as the above writer just said, for most women, one is enough.

Holly, do you remember if they ever get into the finances of this arrangement? How can anyone afford to live that way? (Maybe by exposing their family life to public scrutiny because the filmmakers paid them big bucks?)
 
RadishRose said:
A show called "Sister Wives" has been around for years. I think his name is Cody?

Many of them are on welfare.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/who-foots-bill-for-polygamist-communities/
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That's not the truth tho' RR ( although I haven't looked at your link)...Cody works as a salesman, one of the women is an accountant/ book-keeper and works full time while one of the other mothers raised most of the kids ... another has her own jewellery business, and yet another was a dental assistant but she lost her job . The show earns them millions, I doubt they'd be allowed to claim benefits with the huge income they have from the show.. 18 children ...1/2 of them working, or at college or married now and not living at home

Sunny, in the 5 wives show..Brady has his own construction Business.. 4 of the 5 wives work full time... one a dental assistant the other a teacher, another a bookkeeper at the construction business , and another a medical assistant ( money was tight for this family).. they have to all submit taxes separately ... 24 kids in total I think
 
I don't care how people choose to live as long as the children aren't being harmed. Sometimes I wouldn't mind bringing in a second wife here if she liked to cook and clean house. No way would I let her name go on our bank accounts or house deed though. And she'd have to be pretty darn small to fit in our king size bed with both of us and the 2 dogs. I told hubby, he'd have to sleep in the middle as I don't want to cuddle up to a lady at night. ;)
 
hollydolly said:
That's not the truth tho' RR ( although I haven't looked at your link)...Cody works as a salesman, one of the women is an accountant/ book-keeper and works full time while one of the other mothers raised most of the kids ... another has her own jewellery business, and yet another was a dental assistant but she lost her job . The show earns them millions, I doubt they'd be allowed to claim benefits with the huge income they have from the show.. 18 children ...1/2 of them working, or at college or married now and not living at home

Sunny, in the 5 wives show..Brady has his own construction Business.. 4 of the 5 wives work full time... one a dental assistant the other a teacher, another a bookkeeper at the construction business , and another a medical assistant ( money was tight for this family).. they have to all submit taxes separately ... 24 kids in total I think
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Holly, I didn't mean Cody and the sisters were on welfare, I said Some are, meaning other people. Sorry to confuse. Anyway, that is an old link. Haha, I'll bet he's a great salesman!:playful:
 
RadishRose said:
Holly, I didn't mean Cody and the sisters were on welfare, I said Some are, meaning other people. Sorry to confuse. Anyway, that is an old link. Haha, I'll bet he's a great salesman!:playful:
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oooh you're absolutely right RR...many, many of them are on welfare it's an actual scandal tbh... Cody and his wives have actually mentioned this themselves. ironically they don't agree with the FLDS church and the evil warren jeffs... and instead identify with the fundamentalist Mormon church, although their church evicted them after the show first aired, so although they still practice their religion they do so at home.

I remember once my o/h seeing one episode of it and he was absolutely horrified at the idea that one man has chosen to take care of the emotional and financial ( anything physical aside)... needs of so many woman and children...
 
I've been watching Sister Wives since the beginning. The women all seem to have their stuff together, but for the life of me I don't know what they see in Cody. When he wed Meri (the first wife) he looked pretty good, but geeze I wish he would cut that hair. He does seem kind of hen pecked (mainly in a nice way) but that's what you get, I guess. But he seems to keep all of them happy. So, I guess he must have something there.

Yes, as far as I can tell, they've never been on welfare. Each woman had their job, and it was Christine alone that stayed home for the household and the kids. And just remember there are plenty of single women with kids that ARE on welfare and many are probably also supporting their baby fathers. And many of those baby fathers, have more than one baby mamas on the line.

I'm not sure if plural marriage should ever be legal, meaning that one could be married legally with more than on person at a time. It would be terribly complicated. But, if one is married and wants to have other people living with him/them, I don't see how the law could do anything about that, except because of welfare fraud, but as I said, that can happen with single women with children and also either supporting the father and/or him also supporting the women under the table.

I can see a pro with this arrangement, and that is women supporting each other. On the other hand, the usual thing with plural marriages is the thing about them having a lot of children, which I can see is what really is the glue that keeps this kind of family together. A good example is how this is true looking at the problem that Meri has. She was only able to have one child, and now that that child is grown, she has a hard time seeing how she fits with the rest of the family and with Cody. A couple of the women have grown children (two of which had recently gotten married) and also have toddlers. Not the usual setup.

The children all seem to be well adjusted and surprisingly (or not) so far none of them want to live the plural marriage lifestyle. One grown child has come out as being gay, and was immediately accepted. It was Meri's only child and she does seem to have a problem with coming to grips with it and has communication problems about it with her daughter. Both her and her daughter are really sensitive and emotional people and this hasn't helped.

Very interesting show.
 
Just to be clear, all the Sister Wives were all over the age of consent and older. Would I be part of a plural marriage? To be honest, it would depend.
 
I've read a few hair raising books written by women who were married of in their teens into polygamous marriages. This is still common among Mormons living in Utah. Both women eventually escaped and married others; not without much ordeal, travail and sorrow. It's heartbreaking. Personally, I feel it should be outlawed. Just IMHO.
 
Olivia said:
I've been watching Sister Wives since the beginning. The women all seem to have their stuff together, but for the life of me I don't know what they see in Cody. When he wed Meri (the first wife) he looked pretty good, but geeze I wish he would cut that hair. He does seem kind of hen pecked (mainly in a nice way) but that's what you get, I guess. But he seems to keep all of them happy. So, I guess he must have something there.

Yes, as far as I can tell, they've never been on welfare. Each woman had their job, and it was Christine alone that stayed home for the household and the kids. And just remember there are plenty of single women with kids that ARE on welfare and many are probably also supporting their baby fathers. And many of those baby fathers, have more than one baby mamas on the line.

I'm not sure if plural marriage should ever be legal, meaning that one could be married legally with more than on person at a time. It would be terribly complicated. But, if one is married and wants to have other people living with him/them, I don't see how the law could do anything about that, except because of welfare fraud, but as I said, that can happen with single women with children and also either supporting the father and/or him also supporting the women under the table.

I can see a pro with this arrangement, and that is women supporting each other. On the other hand, the usual thing with plural marriages is the thing about them having a lot of children, which I can see is what really is the glue that keeps this kind of family together. A good example is how this is true looking at the problem that Meri has. She was only able to have one child, and now that that child is grown, she has a hard time seeing how she fits with the rest of the family and with Cody. A couple of the women have grown children (two of which had recently gotten married) and also have toddlers. Not the usual setup.

The children all seem to be well adjusted and surprisingly (or not) so far none of them want to live the plural marriage lifestyle. One grown child has come out as being gay, and was immediately accepted. It was Meri's only child and she does seem to have a problem with coming to grips with it and has communication problems about it with her daughter. Both her and her daughter are really sensitive and emotional people and this hasn't helped.

Very interesting show.
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Exactly Olivia...but for the life of me I can't understand why he stayed with Merri...she was vile to Janelle for the first few years so much so Janelle moved out with her children for a couple of years and lived a long way away. ..also Merri always plays the poor me card all the time even to this day.
I do feel sometimes that Christine gets a raw deal from him when she doesn't seem to deserve it..but my favourite is Janelle, and also her kids seem to be the most well adjusted out of a whole family of well adjusted kids. Gotta agree with you about Cody's hair...*ugh*... but I think he's trying to hold onto his youth. That said I suspect the women find him attractive because he's very supporting of them all..and not abusive, as well as initially good looking. I suspect many polygamist men are quite abusive..at least that's what I've read and come to understand . The Brown family also support an organisation for runaway wives from abusive polygamist families..

All that said...with 18 children in the brown family, and 23 in the Brady bunch..and then with them all reproducing now... soon they're going to have to build a town where every one of them is related, and that will lead to a few problems.. lol
 

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