Saying good-bye to a live-in LTR, after thirteen years.

treeguy64

treeguy64

Hari Om, y'all!
Location
Austin, TX.
I am facing the end of a relationship that has been going on for about thirteen years. There is no reason to go into the gory details, so I won't. I am now faced with living alone (my little Chiweenie is here, though, thankfully). In the past, when I was a young guy, things were more clear: I knew a new, steady lady was only a few dates away, at least when it came to having someone around, on a fairly regular basis.

I knew I was steady-state for the foreseeable future. Now, I don't. It's like we mature from infancy, going through all the usual milestones, we reach adulthood and a steady-state for about forty years, and then we start regressing back to infancy, if we hang around long enough.

This complicates the whole relationship scene, for me, immensely. I don't know if I want a new gf because I don't know who I am going to be, over the next twenty-four years of my life, the years that take me to the end. I enjoy being alone, but I get the urge to be with a nice woman, to have fun, good conversation, good sex, etc. What to do?

I know the statistics about how our age group is the fastest growing one when it comes to acquiring STD's, and that makes me wonder if it's all worth it. I have found bizarre, life-sized dolls, online, for about $6G's, but do I really want to head into "The Twilight Zone?" I know they are developing technology where you can talk to a doll and have it "talk back" in intelligent conversation, but do I want to go the freak show route? This is all very confusing, to me. How have y'all handled break-ups at sixty-five and beyond? Did you find someone else that you were able to get into a long-term relationship with? Any info/advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
 

Yikes, dolls? Men have hard time facing the fact that biology doesn't want their offers of progeny anymore. The libido didn't get the message, somehow. Doomed to blindly try to procreate even when difficult or nigh impossible, leaning on drugs to help.

You never committed, never married her. Maybe that was for the best, maybe not. Actually, maybe you're too old for "girlfriends", and since you don't even know who you'll be in a few years, what can you offer?

I'm sorry you lost your lady and hope you'll feel better soon. Ladies your age want something different now, maybe something you're not really into. Concentrate on family, friends and companionship.... you can be happy or maybe a doll is what you really wanted all along.

Good luck.
 
Real people are always preferable to synthetic dolls (the delightful film "Lars and the Real Girl" notwithstanding).

Yes, it's never fun to have to plunge back into the dating pool. But you are NOT too old to find another gf. Heck, at your age women outnumber men by an 8 to 1 ratio, LOL.

Friendship is just as important as sex. Social contacts are a critical factor in aging well. It's depressing to have a relationship end, but it offers you the chance to try new beginnings, too.

Keep yourself active and like RadishRose said, "concentrate on family, friends and companionship". Be open to possibilities; you never know where the next turn in the road is going to take you.

Best of luck, and don't get discouraged.
 

I have found bizarre, life-sized dolls, online, for about $6G's, but do I really want to head into "The Twilight Zone?"
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Don't do it there are plenty of warm bodies out there looking for the same thing. Got to get out and mingle now. Take some time and let it all sink in..then move forward.
 
Like the others said. Take your time. There are a lot of good ladies out there looking for someone like you. See how you like living alone for awhile. Rushing into something else can be worse than being alone for a bit.
 
First of all I do not understand what LTR stands for. Second of all, the doll thing, I really do not understand. Maybe a second cup of coffee will clear the mind.
 
Treeguy, sorry your relationship ended, but maybe in the long run it's for the better. There's no reason you can't meet a nice woman and develop a friendly relationship with her. You don't have to move her in, just meet with her to have dinner, go to a movie, or spend time outdoors. You can plan an evening, make a nice meal and rent a movie if you want. Stick with flesh and blood, you're not so desperate as to turn to plastic and rubber. :D

For now, enjoy your independent time alone at home and clear your head. Think positive, there's no reason not to....good luck!
 
RadishRose said:
Yikes, dolls? Men have hard time facing the fact that biology doesn't want their offers of progeny anymore. The libido didn't get the message, somehow. Doomed to blindly try to procreate even when difficult or nigh impossible, leaning on drugs to help.

You never committed, never married her. Maybe that was for the best, maybe not. Actually, maybe you're too old for "girlfriends", and since you don't even know who you'll be in a few years, what can you offer?

I'm sorry you lost your lady and hope you'll feel better soon. Ladies your age want something different now, maybe something you're not really into. Concentrate on family, friends and companionship.... you can be happy or maybe a doll is what you really wanted all along.

Good luck.
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Oh, never getting married was by design, trust me. I only believe in marriage, for legal reasons, when a couple wants to have kids. Other than that, no way, Jose! I didn't lose my lady. I asked her to go her own way. Also, I am not pill dependent, for anything. And - - - - The reason prostate cancer takes its toll on older guys is because, when not actively in use, the plumbing gets backed up, leading to irritation, leading to inflammation, leading to cancer. I don't "blindly try to procreate." I enjoy sex, for its own sake. Always have and, until I gasp my last breath, maybe an immediately post-coital one, always will! I am feeling better, now. I am finding that my options are more open than I thought, when I first posted.
 
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Obviously, you're not the marrying kind. Date when you can and enjoy your solitude when you can't. It's much easier for older men to find dates than it is for women. Like Lethe200 said, " at your age women outnumber men by an 8 to 1 ratio".
 
PVC said:
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Obviously, you're not the marrying kind. Date when you can and enjoy your solitude when you can't. It's much easier for older men to find dates than it is for women. Like Lethe200 said, " at your age women outnumber men by an 8 to 1 ratio".
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Yeah, after two marriages that took up twenty years of my life, some of those happy years, I am, certainly, not the marrying kind, anymore! No desire to have more kids, so no desire, or logical need, to be married.
 
PVC said:
It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Obviously, you're not the marrying kind. Date when you can and enjoy your solitude when you can't. It's much easier for older men to find dates than it is for women. Like Lethe200 said, " at your age women outnumber men by an 8 to 1 ratio".
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8 to 1 ratio ? That’s very interesting PVC. Good point.
treeguy64 said:
I know the statistics about how our age group is the fastest growing one when it comes to acquiring STD's, and that makes me wonder if it's all worth it. I have found bizarre, life-sized dolls, online, for about $6G's, but do I really want to head into "The Twilight Zone?" I know they are developing technology where you can talk to a doll and have it "talk back" in intelligent conversation, but do I want to go the freak show route? !
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Oh and you think I’m ‘crazy’:whome:
 
Just now, I'm facing the end of a twenty-year relationship, and it's rough. Even rougher than I had imagined. She's now in a hospice. This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. and for a few moments things were ok. Then I remembered. It's strange that thru all of this I have been sleeping fairly well, maybe because I have some pretty strong defenses working. This setting aside, temporarily, bad
things that are going on with me and with her is one of those defenses. There was of course a long period of her step-by-step decline that preceded her going into hospice. So for the future, I wonder how long the pain will last. Six months ? One year ?
 
treeguy did I read on here that you are a vegan gourmet cook? If so that's what you get for all that healthy eating........ a healthy sex drive. :)
Just sounds like you are bummed which figures after 13 (?) Yrs.
I agree there is someone real out there for you and surprisingly of myself I don't fault you for the doll idea. We all have our moments.
 
You will know when it's time to jump back up on the horse (excuse my pun). I was in a strange relationship for awhile and finally had had enough drama. I searched three dating websites and managed to meet four nice ladies in the same week. Eventually I met someone else who I really care about and who is like a breath of fresh air. Many women are looking for the same things that we are. Good Luck!
 
Treeguy good luck and I hope that you find the kind of relationship that you are looking for.

While it doesn't sound like my cup of tea I don't find the sex doll particularly disturbing or disgusting (to each his own) but at $6000.00 they are pretty expensive, in the mean time when the sexual urge arises and no partner 'of any type' is yet available as we all know masturbation has always been a common long or short term release method for both males and females with zero concerns of contracting STD's and certainly considerably cheaper than a sex doll......look at it this way, with the $6000.00 savings it would certainly provide you with a lot of dating capital while searching for Ms. Right. :)
 
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OK, I have to update, here: Thanks for your advice, one and all. My LTR sits watching TV, as I type this. We hit a rough spot, but then we worked things out. I have backed off on expecting too much from her, so I'm not disappointed. I have given up on pointing her towards healthier eating and exercising (She is vegetarian, not vegan). She is who she is, and I accept that, even though I am not bursting with joy over making that choice. All in all, we get along pretty well, still crack each other up, at times, and every other part of our relationship is OK. Life goes on - - - -
 
Thanks for the update Treeguy, glad you're back together, not everyone is going to agree on diet and exercise, doesn't seem like a deal breaker to me. Good luck to you both!
 
hearlady said:
treeguy did I read on here that you are a vegan gourmet cook? If so that's what you get for all that healthy eating........ a healthy sex drive. :)
Just sounds like you are bummed which figures after 13 (?) Yrs.
I agree there is someone real out there for you and surprisingly of myself I don't fault you for the doll idea. We all have our moments.
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My LTR's co-workers tell her I'm a freak for still being into "intimacy" 2-3 times a week, at 65. I'm sure their fat, smoking, meat-eating, inactive guys, some ten to fifteen years younger than me, are probably pill-dependent for fun and games, and, even then, probably only get in the mood once a month, or so I've been told. Yeah, my vegan diet, tree climbing and positive attitude do, I'm sure, contribute to my healthy sex drive. I also should say that my LTR hits all of the right buttons, with me, and that get's my motor running! (But we, decidedly, head somewhere other than "out on the highway!")
 

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