Flowers from my son that went in the garbage :(

Colleen

Colleen

Senior Member
Location
Pennsylvania
A few months back I posted about my son, who never calls and I haven't seen him in 4 years, sent an email at Christmas that he and his live-in girlfriend of 10 years are engaged. I asked him to keep me informed even though we're not going to the wedding (second marriage for him). We haven't heard from him since Christmas. Then, yesterday, I received a delivery of flowers and a "we love and miss you" electronically generated at the florist card enclosed. I immediately threw the whole thing in our garbage can outside and I don't intend on acknowledging that I got them.

This behavior of his has been the same for over 20 years (he's 44) and I'm done with feeling badly over it. Happy Mother's Day to me.....ha
 

I agree with Jim.

It seems like your son is making an effort and IMO you should be willing to meet him part way.

Best wishes to both of you.
 

Wow! Couldn’t you perhaps compromise?
Clearly he is making an effort. Even stated he loves and misses you.
So you are going to hold a grudge until...... (?)

This can’t be good for either of you .
 
Aunt Bea said:
I agree with Jim.

It seems like your son is making an effort and IMO you should be willing to meet him part way.

Best wishes to both of you.
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And I also agree. If doing that made you feel better, I think your situation is very sad indeed. Perhaps the gesture was from his wife/fiancee who is trying to bring the family together. Can that be a bad thing?
 
My wish to you; Happy Mothers Day. Don't blame you ONE BIT for trashing the (innocent) flowers.

There are many jerks in the world and even in some families.

Time to get on with your life and hope it is a happy one.
 
Falcon said:
My wish to you; Happy Mothers Day. Don't blame you ONE BIT for trashing the (innocent) flowers.

There are many jerks in the world and even in some families.

Time to get on with your life and hope it is a happy one.
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I love ya John, you are a genuine hero but a grouch as well. *LOL*
 
I don't correspond with my daughter, who will be 42 in June and has a son, who is our grandson. We both chose it this way and my wife totally understands.

It was her choice to toss the flowers, for whatever reason/reasons she has. Basically speaking, none of us know the 100% story behind the OP's son and her. One thing that we should all remember.........no matter what, not all families get along.
 
ClassicRockr said:
I don't correspond with my daughter, who will be 42 in June and has a son, who is our grandson. We both chose it this way and my wife totally understands.

It was her choice to toss the flowers, for whatever reason/reasons she has. Basically speaking, none of us know the 100% story behind the OP's son and her. One thing that we should all remember.........no matter what, not all families get along.
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Welcome back again CR!!
 
I can tell you that this was NOT an olive branch situation. In the past 20 years, the only time he's had time for me is when he wanted something. He did the same thing to my mother (his grandmother). When he needed a new washer and dryer, he wrote to my mother and boo-hooed about not being able to afford them (even though he's got a good paying job). My mother sent him the money. She passed away in 2006 and he never even went to her funeral.

I hate to say it about my own son, but he's selfish to the max. He didn't even help me when his dad was injured in 2012 and I took care of him at home for many months. I had to take him to doctor's appointments in another town and get him in and out of a wheelchair and put the chair in and out of the car by myself (do you know how heavy they are???) and we had a huge yard that needed mowed and do you know how much our son helped?? Never. Didn't even call to see if we needed anything. His dad had 4 surgeries within a 10 week period and he never showed up once or called. But when we moved across the country 4 years ago, he was right there with his hand out and I gave him a lot of things that were his grandmother's plus he got a ton of household things. His girlfriend's mother was right there also and she took a ton of stuff, too. Do you think any of them thanked us?? I've kicked myself for giving them anything.

That's just some of the reasons that have built up in the last 20+ years that made me just dump the flowers in the garbage.
 
Colleen said:
I can tell you that this was NOT an olive branch situation. In the past 20 years, the only time he's had time for me is when he wanted something. He did the same thing to my mother. When he needed a new washer and dryer, he wrote to my mother as boo-hooed about not being able to afford them (even though he's got a good paying job). My mother sent him the money. She passed away and he never even went to her funeral.

I hate to say it about my own son, but he's selfish to the max. He didn't even help me when his dad was injured in 2012 and I took care of him at home for many months. I had to take him to doctor's appointments in another town and get him in and out of a wheelchair and put the chair in and out of the car by myself (do you know how heavy they are???) and we had a huge yard that needed mowed and do you know how much our son helped?? Never. Didn't even call to see if we needed anything. His dad had 4 surgeries within a 10 week period and he never showed up once or called. But when we moved across the country 4 years ago, he was right there with his hand out and I gave him a lot of things that were his grandmother's plus he got a ton of household things. His girlfriend's mother was right there also and she took a ton of stuff, too. Do you think any of them thanked us?? I've kicked myself for giving them anything.

That's just some of the reasons that have built up in the last 20+ years that made me just dump the flowers in the garbage.
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I hope you find peace in your heart, you have paid your dues!
 
Colleen, I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son, it's heartbreaking to have a child be so selfish as to treat their parents so cavalierly . So many parents endure the bad behaviour of their adult children for fear they get cut off completely from the tenuous attachment to their lives , but unfortunately your son from your description sounds toxic to your life, and therefore there comes a time when you as a parent /s for your own health and mental well-being have to sever the umbilical cord for the final time.

I feel for you, I really do...
 
Sometimes the people we have loved the most deserve it the least. Family is no guarantee of fair and honest treatment. Twenty years of bad behaviour speaks to character, his, not yours. However painful it must be, it is better to face the truth and remove yourself from his toxicity, rather than attempt to have a relationship with someone who disturbs your peace and is motivated by self interest. (Colleen, I work with some offspring who would give anything to have a mother like you!)
 
I know family strife too and have no criticism of your action and thoughts on this family situation. No one can really know as an outsider enough to say right or wrong. I've stopped trying in my situation and apparently you have also. Good luck.
 
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate having a place I can "unload" on every once in a while. It helps.

I wasn't feeling bad when I got the flowers...I was mad because I knew it was a false gesture.

We've gotten to the place that we've just let it go. It's taken a long time to "cut the cord" but for our own mental health, we needed to step away.
 
I can understand what you did Colleen, the flowers didn't make you happy because they was no sincerity behind them. I would have done the same. I feel for you because throwing them away didn't feel good either, sad situation, my heart goes out to you. You do sound realistic and reasonable, and seem to be a strong woman, so that definitely helps to cope.

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