Truth or Fiction: the very thing that attracted you, will likely be what ends you

From my observation, couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs. We did not, and I take the blame. I was too immature and unprepared to settle down at the time we got married. And so, the early years were a struggle that could have ended our relationship, but thankfully we finally got on the same page and made it through.
 
I will explain the relationship I referred to. A co-worker and I began to date and stated he admired very much
my relationship with my sons. He never had a close one with his parents and he commented on it all the time.
He wanted to have the same with his daughters. But he didn't consider he was not me and a very different person.
He became jealous eventually of the close relationship of my sons and I then in so many words told me to choose.
So , I did. I had enough love for all but he wanted it all basically.
 
Similar beliefs go back to biblical times.

IMO it’s just a simple way of explaining something that we do not understand or care to admit to ourselves about ourselves.

moths_to_a_flame.jpg
 
@Aunt Bea ... I was the moth! lol .....

I was married to my first husband for 20 years and had 2 children together. It was a roller coaster relationship, and in the end -- it did not work out.

@IrishEyes Several things that initially attracted me to him turned out to be very bad things for us in the long run!
For young girls, Bad Boys can be very attractive --- but in the long run, not so much.


I think @MACKTEXAS is very correct --- "couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs."
 
CaliS said:
For young girls, Bad Boys can be very attractive --- but in the long run, not so much.
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Yes, this is almost a truism. But this will go on and on. The girls don't learn from the experience of their older sisters, mothers or aunts.
You can't persuade another person that he/she is wrong. They won't believe it. They must try it and fail. And not even then they learn from it. No, they do it again. I know several examples.
 
George1959 said:
Yes, this is almost a truism. But this will go on and on. The girls don't learn from the experience of their older sisters, mothers or aunts.
You can't persuade another person that he/she is wrong. They won't believe it. They must try it and fail. And not even then they learn from it. No, they do it again. I know several examples.
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Well, George - I did learn from my mistake.

I was lucky to meet a very nice man later in life and we are very happy together. He is NOTHING like my first husband. We have a lot in common and share the same core values. And, while he is kind, honest, hard working and a good person - he is in NO way boring!!

I agree that many young girls are unable to learn from other's and have to make their own mistakes. That is true for almost everyone. Also true, that some folks seem to make the same mistakes over and over. Thankfully, not me. ;)
 
IrishEyes said:
I have heard this saying quite a bit in my life.
That what attracted a person to a mate would be "the" or "a" reason the relationship ends.
I know it was true in one relationship I was in
how about you?
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I married my wife mostly for her body. She passed away just after our 45th anniversary. The very night she passed away as she laÿ in her death bed I found myself admiring her body. I often told her that I married her for her body and she would thank me with warmth and an affectionate smile. The glue that held us together for almost a half century to was lust for each other.
 
I've had several long term relationships in my life. I was always attracted to the "needy" types, probably because I wanted to feel wanted. A couple of them ended because I felt they took advantage of my kindness and ended the relationship. When I met my husband, he didn't need me, he wanted me for me. Unfortunately towards the end of his life, he needed me and I was glad I could be there for him.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
From my observation, couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs. We did not, and I take the blame. I was too immature and unprepared to settle down at the time we got married. And so, the early years were a struggle that could have ended our relationship, but thankfully we finally got on the same page and made it through.
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When we're young (generically speaking) a lot of kids are attracted to someone not so much as themselves because opposite attracts. I fell in that category. As we get older, that attraction gets old and we start to prefer someone more like ourselves. That's our comfortable zone. That's how I felt when I met my husband. Our dispositions and values were a lot a like. Had we met when we were younger, we probably wouldn't have been attracted to each other.
 
CaliS said:
Well, George - I did learn from my mistake.

I was lucky to meet a very nice man later in life and we are very happy together. He is NOTHING like my first husband. We have a lot in common and share the same core values. And, while he is kind, honest, hard working and a good person - he is in NO way boring!!

I agree that many young girls are unable to learn from other's and have to make their own mistakes. That is true for almost everyone. Also true, that some folks seem to make the same mistakes over and over. Thankfully, not me. ;)
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I think our past experiences makes us appreciate future experiences.
 
Jules said:
When we were still dating, I told my aunt that he was too immature. She assured me that once we were married he would settle down. I valued her advice; she was wrong that time.
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Hugsss tight! If only we had a crystal ball!

We can watch for red flags, listen to our elders, do everything right - and still end up in a bad situation. :(
 
Well that's certainly true for some people. Look how many have died from drug addiction. Look how many have been killed by their lovers, husbands and wives.
 
IrishEyes said:
I have heard this saying quite a bit in my life.
That what attracted a person to a mate would be "the" or "a" reason the relationship ends.
I know it was true in one relationship I was in
how about you?
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Sure, if you use those particular glasses to describe the relationship. But, for me there are bunches of variables that caused us to part. :)
 
IrishEyes said:
I have heard this saying quite a bit in my life.
That what attracted a person to a mate would be "the" or "a" reason the relationship ends.
I know it was true in one relationship I was in
how about you?
Click to expand...
I admired his ability to take on things no matter what......... make things happen etc.
somewhere he lost that I have looked for it everywhere. :ROFLMAO:

He now is the biggest procrastinator, and I end up doing more and more myself. I have grown tired and angry he does so little in our lives but has kept up trying to do it all and pull off amazing projects for his Work .... house could fall down but he will talk about one time he managed some great feat at a Job.
at this point of 40+ years we are friends or roommates ... nothing more.
 
smiley said:
pre-marriage counselling can be a great asset - with the accent on Pre- not during or after!
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You don't have to marry. I think sometimes we carry some baggage into our concepts of marraige. I have lived 40 years with a women and she is my friend. We made a life together happen by choice. :)
 
What I'm seeing and hearing about more and more is "gray divorce" or at least severe problems in longer marriages that were good until the couple became old enough and then disagreements arose as to how a retirement/old age would be spent: lots of travel vs. no travel, babysitting or even raising grandkids vs. not, downsizing where one lives vs. letting an old house fall down around you, etc. Sometimes I think humans just weren't meant to live as long as some of us do now.
 
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