“You scared me!” – accusatory? normal?

applecruncher

applecruncher

SF VIP
Location
Ohio USA
I (again) heard from a friend about how annoyed she’s getting because a co-worker jumps/gasps everytime she’s approached by someone and doesn’t notice them until they’re right there. Then she says “You scared me!”

From what I hear it’s a normal office arrangement with a few offices, and mostly cubicles and desks. The first few times she told me about it, I thought “Gee, sounds like the woman startles easily and over-reacts”. However, it’s not like people are coming up behind her and saying “Boo!”. In a work environment people have to approached each other to talk, hand over files, etc.

Apparently a few people at the worksite have been talking about it and someone suggested calling out her name a few seconds before approaching, tapping on cubicle wall, or even on her desk. I can see this if she has her back turned or is in deep concentration at her computer, but meh…

It’s the “You scared me!” that I’d have a problem with. Then, to compound the problem the woman can be heard later talking to others about how so-and-so “scared the crap out of her”. :rolleyes:

If it were me, after this happened a few times I might say “Mary, you say that a lot. How did I scare you – by approaching your desk? Am I really that frightening?”…maybe with a little smile. Or..”Mary, I really wish you’d stop that. I’m not doing anything wrong.” Not sure whether I'd mention hearing her complain to others or not. Maybe.

I think it’s Mary’s problem to solve, but I can understand why others are getting annoyed I don’t think they should modify their behavior or tiptoe around her. (As yet, no one has mentioned it to the supervisor.)

What say you?
 

It's possible she has some sort of anxiety disorder, is taking certain meds (amphetamines?) or even has Jumping Frenchmen Disorder.

I think the onus is on her, though, for solving this problem. As you said, co-workers cannot be tip-toeing around constantly or wearing bells around their necks.

I've known people like this - some are just not aware of their environment so any intrusion is frightening to them. Of course, I make it a point to move silently, so I have the gratification of scaring lots of people. :D
 
I say the same as you..., the woman is clearly not only easily startled, but she sounds like a drama queen who's looking for attentional support from others.

In a nutshell, , it sounds as though she probably shouldn't be working in such close proximity with other people if she finds their approaches so intimidating!
 

I’ve only had such a reaction if (for example) I walk into a dark room, turn on the light, and see someone is there. I say “Oh! Didn’t know someone was in here.”

But the “YOU scared me!” combined with blabbing about it to others would honk me off.:mad:
 
Another possibility is that she really enjoys it. People seek out thrills all the time - roller coasters, horror movies - they come out and say "Boy, was I scared!", then get in line for a second or third time.
 
Or maybe she’s doing personal things and doesn’t want anyone to see her……..surfing the web, personal emails, trolling dating sites, games, paying bills, etc. instead of doing her work. The whole “shame on you, invading my space and scaring me” thing would not only get old but also raise a red flag.
 
applecruncher said:
Or maybe she’s doing personal things and doesn’t want anyone to see her……..surfing the web, personal emails, trolling dating sites, games, paying bills, etc. instead of doing her work. The whole “shame on you, invading my space and scaring me” thing would not only get old but also raise a red flag.
Click to expand...

Excellent idea!
 
We also don't know if certain coworkers enjoy making her jump--I have met people who find such things amusing. Until Silent Shalimar gave them a dose of their own medicine, on behalf of a friend who is hard of hearing--even with her aids in place.
 
When someone I’ve known for a long time tells me about a situation, I tend to take the information provided at face value. I doubt that my friend and others “enjoy” making her jump since 1) they’re annoyed and insulted by her reaction and 2) they’re considering talking to the supervisor. That wouldn’t make any sense.

I know people who are amused by a lot of things which would not necessarily amuse me, and vice-versa, but I see no reason to point the finger at everyone else and pull out some far-fetched conspiracy theory.
 
A solution might be everyone wearing a little bell around their neck. How cute is that - and so very amusing. Office staff need to be amused, it is such boring work.
 
jujube said:
I startle easily, especially if I'm off in a world of my own. It drives the Spousal Equivalent crazy....he's always saying, "Well, who the hell did you THINK was it going to be?"

I can sort of understand; perhaps she has a hearing problem and doesn't hear them coming?
Click to expand...

I asked and was told there's no hearing problem. Actually, based on a few other things I was told, her hearing is excellent.
 
I react the same way. Do not tell anyone that they frightened me though. It is not anything I can control. My children are very aware and careful...announce their presence. Perhaps she has a history of being abused?
 
Nona, quite possible. Startle response is often difficult for "normal" people to comprehend. Sometimes it can be contained, but often is very pervasive. Sufferers are understandably loathe to discuss such problems in the work place. Not everyone is empathetic/compassionate.
 
Cookie said:
A solution might be everyone wearing a little bell around their neck. How cute is that - and so very amusing. Office staff need to be amused, it is such boring work.
Click to expand...
LOL Short term solution. I have bells on some of my doors....quickly become conditioned though....and no longer hear the bell. LOL
 
My martial arts training taught me to be stealthy, so I don't see it as necessarily "bad" if it works. I see it as the other person's problem.

That being said, I would never do it as a joke on a hearing-impaired person.

But sneaking up on naturally-aware species - dogs, cats, fully-armed cops - is a joy and a source of constant training.
 
SifuPhil said:
A lot of people say the same thing about PTSD, fibromyalgia, Pseudo Bulbar Affect ...

I guess it just depends upon your point of view.
Click to expand...
Under the circumstances of the OP, I see it as a non-issue. The person could have limited peripheral vision and whether she was "scared" or more likely "startled" by anothers approach seems to me to just of no major concern. Does it impact someone somehow? I don't get it.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top