10 Things You Shouldn't Do After 50

S

SifuPhil

R.I.P. With Us In Spirit Only
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
Though I pride myself on being in pretty good mental, physical and emotional shape for someone who has passed the half-century mark, I realize that there are certain things I used to do that I should no longer attempt.

These have all been personally field-tested for do-ability within the last 5 years, so I have included explanatory notes when needed.


  1. Drinking Champagne from your Girlfriend's Shoe - the taste of Lotrimin spoils ANY vintage of champagne
  2. Mooning People from a Moving Vehicle - remarks of "Look! Their air-bags have deployed!" tends to douse enthusiasm
  3. Ménage à Trois - it's confusing enough with just one
  4. Eating Three Large Pepperoni Pizzas at One Sitting - the ol' stomach and gallbladder just ain't what they used to be
  5. Your Partner is Half your Age - Heart-Attack City, here I come!
  6. "Hey, watch this!"
  7. (in a single's bar) - "Would you like to see the results of my last proctology exam?"
  8. Body shots
  9. Doing the Harlem Shake
  10. X-treme sports


Feel free to add to the list ...
 
Let your underwear show under your jeans, put up posters of your favorite stars on your wall, get obsessed with video games, wait for the next pay check to make ends meet, be financially insecure.
 
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