18 Months to Retirement and Beyond

I've been noticing something over the last couple weeks...

I am suspicious of feeling happy

As things come together both personally and planning for retirement, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I find myself thinking, "Things are going too well. The other shoe is going to drop. I'm due for something unpleasant to happen."

(That probably sounds crazy, I know)

Guess it's safe to say that I've lived most of my life as a anxious perfectionist. Over-thinking; over-analyzing. Fearing failure; fearing success.

Even as I have the opportunity to live more freely, and am trying to "learn the rhythms of grace," it's really hard to break out of those old patterns.

I won't ever get it completely right, but God gives me grace and I will keep giving myself grace as well, allow myself to fail--allow myself to succeed!

Thank you for allowing me to be open and honest here.
Please learn to be kinder to yourself. You deserve it.
 

I stepped out of my comfort zone today, and introduced myself to a lady after daily Mass. Turns out she is a retired nurse/midwife— boy I’ll bet she has some stories to tell! I feel good that I put myself out there and it was successful
The two of you should get together and write about your stories. What a book that would be!
 
As things come together both personally and planning for retirement, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, but I find myself thinking, "Things are going too well. The other shoe is going to drop. I'm due for something unpleasant to happen."
I've been retired for over six years now

That 'other shoe' remains light as a feather

I no longer care where it goes

Heh....retirement

It's what slippers are all about

.....and who cares if they drop or not

You'll get the hang of it, CS

Enjoy
 

Today's "high-five" to myself...

Saw my massage therapist last week and r/t some acute issues, she recommended seeing me again in five days (that would be today). She told me she had an MD appt in another town in the AM but that once she got home she would call me and I could come over for my follow up visit.

Fast-forward to today... it was past two PM. Did she forget? Would I be 'pushy' for calling?

I waited til 3pm, then called. I didn't allow myself to get tied up mentally and emotionally in knots, I just politely/assertively asked if the appt was still an option for today. Result, I will have the appt shortly.

Proud of myself =)
 
The Perils and Pleasures of Being More Outgoing

Wow, it's been an interesting week.

Case one: approached by a homeless person in the grocery store parking lot-- previously this caused me to have mild panic, to give a curt response in answer for money, to (I'm sure) have a disapproving/stern look on my face before I turned away. (Lots of baggage/reasons behind this, too much to go to into here)

But I had decided to try a strategy... keeping a calm, compassionate look on my face, I offered to buy water/food and bring it out to him. He agreed. Delivering the food, I (hope) I kept a pleasant look on my face; he was a bit, um, aromatic... politely refrained from engaging in nonsensical conversation and went on my way.

Felt pretty good about that. (A tiny step forward; I'm pretty sure I would still be freaked out by masses of panhandlers, like they have in some large cities, walking right out into traffic to knock on your window... oy oy oy)

Anyway, Case two:

Was in a fast food place yesterday evening getting some supper. The lady ordering after me came and stood next to me while we waited for our food. I smiled and said, "How're you doing today?"

I was unprepared for the full-on diatribe answer about what a rotten year it had been, how the economy was tanking, how the people in Washington was totally messing everything up... I think my face betrayed me because she said, "You probably don't agree." Well, shucks, I was just asking a simple question! lol

Lesson learned: expect the unexpected when you open yourself up to people but it's still good to be kind and polite.
 
The Perils and Pleasures of Being More Outgoing

Wow, it's been an interesting week.

Case one: approached by a homeless person in the grocery store parking lot-- previously this caused me to have mild panic, to give a curt response in answer for money, to (I'm sure) have a disapproving/stern look on my face before I turned away. (Lots of baggage/reasons behind this, too much to go to into here)

But I had decided to try a strategy... keeping a calm, compassionate look on my face, I offered to buy water/food and bring it out to him. He agreed. Delivering the food, I (hope) I kept a pleasant look on my face; he was a bit, um, aromatic... politely refrained from engaging in nonsensical conversation and went on my way.

Felt pretty good about that. (A tiny step forward; I'm pretty sure I would still be freaked out by masses of panhandlers, like they have in some large cities, walking right out into traffic to knock on your window... oy oy oy)

Anyway, Case two:

Was in a fast food place yesterday evening getting some supper. The lady ordering after me came and stood next to me while we waited for our food. I smiled and said, "How're you doing today?"

I was unprepared for the full-on diatribe answer about what a rotten year it had been, how the economy was tanking, how the people in Washington was totally messing everything up... I think my face betrayed me because she said, "You probably don't agree." Well, shucks, I was just asking a simple question! lol

Lesson learned: expect the unexpected when you open yourself up to people but it's still good to be kind and polite.
Having been somewhat of a semi-nerd, self-sufficient and more private person; I learned that opening yourself up can result in discomfort and, sometimes, even ridicule. With time and practice, however, whatever slings and arrows you might feel coming your way will diminish, if not mostly disappear. I've also come to understand that "opening up" can make others feel uncomfortable so you may make judgements as to "when and how much". Knowing that I will probably never perfect that practice, I no longer worry about it and just take things as the come and go. In any event, kudos to you for the direction you're going.
 
Having been somewhat of a semi-nerd, self-sufficient and more private person; I learned that opening yourself up can result in discomfort and, sometimes, even ridicule. With time and practice, however, whatever slings and arrows you might feel coming your way will diminish, if not mostly disappear. I've also come to understand that "opening up" can make others feel uncomfortable so you may make judgements as to "when and how much". Knowing that I will probably never perfect that practice, I no longer worry about it and just take things as the come and go. In any event, kudos to you for the direction you're going.
Good words of wisdom, @JonDouglas
 
I'm ruck in a stut

I mean, I'm stuck in a rut, lol. That is seriously how strained my brain is after two weeks of pretty much off-the-chain busyness at work.

I've got three days off and I'm thinking about what to do/how to relax, give myself a break

Optimally, I'd love to drive to another city about 2 h away, stay in a nice hotel a night or two... stroll through a museum, find a treasure in a used book store, savor a iced latte while people watching from cafe seating. Get a facial.

I don't know if I can bring it all together (or even part of it) over the next three days, but I'm going to aim for some off-time activities that will enrich me, re-energize me and give the two poor brain cells I have left a chance to recover.

I'll let you know how it goes....
 
F/u to mini-vacation

Enjoyed a day-and-a-half here in Warner Robins, GA. No art museum (unless I drove to Macon) but did get a facial (ah, bliss), found a good book store and bought two books. My idea of excitement--yes, seriously. =P

Also enjoyed Dal (Tadka? I think--yellow lentils) at a local Indian restaurant and found a fun coffee shop.

Fortunately there was a supermarket right across the street from the hotel, so I picked up a lot of my meals/snacks there and saved a bunch. Also brought along an insulated bag so the restaurant leftovers currently in the room's mini-fridge will survive the trip back to Americus (<2 h) and make delicious additional meals at home =)

I took advantage of the lovely (non-humid) weather and sat outside under a palm tree, reading a book.

I return to work Friday refreshed.
 
I will retire in December 2022; I turn 65 in that month.

I want to make a plan, not just financially, but also for personal growth and goals to be ready for this change.

(And it *will* be a change... I love what I do (RN) and have a hard time imagining not nursing)

Some things on my 'to do' list over the coming months...
Plan for travel--I want to go places where I can see live ballet, orchestra, theater, art
But
Also plan for staying at times in my 'base camp' in South Georgia. The area has changed a lot since I raised my kids there; the pandemic has closed or hindered a lot of businesses and activities; people I knew 3 years ago (before I started travel nursing) have moved, passed away or their life has gone in another direction. So I want to take the time (each month I have five days off in a row I can spend there) to reconnect with folks I know that are still there, find out what is again available (like Community Chorus or Community Theater; does the public library still have a reading group?, etc.) and become involved again with my home church

This is probably the most challenging aspect for me, the social aspect.

I am good at work, I flourish in a productive atmosphere that challenges my intellect and creativity.

But in a social situation I'm about as comfortable as a cow on concrete. Not good at reading social "cues" and tend to shrink from situations where I have to put myself forward and meet new people, especially if everyone is standing around in already-established circles of conversation--body language seems to say, "We're fully involved here, no room for a new person"

So I'm setting myself some challenges/goals:
>>Learn something new every month
>>Be thankful for something specific every day
>>Give myself a daily "high-five"; compliment myself on something I've accomplished or at which I've succeeded

Lastly: Do Something I Fear at least once a week. Starting this diary checks off that box ;)

Will you help me be accountable? Look forward to sharing the journey with y'all.
Also, to add to your list, give yourself a BIG HUG everyday - you deserve it.
 
Continuing to plan for retirement... which plan remains to be seen

I was looking forward to my six days off in my hometown next weekend, being able to celebrate a special anniversary at my home church and see friends after almost two months.

But with the COVID #s up, think I'll have to go with plan B (or maybe even C).

Maybe I will concentrate on practicing photography. Some days I can find interesting things to photograph and then other days, it's like nothing comes together. But the main thing is I'm getting out of the house, using my brain and my creativity.

Dancing--I'm due to learn a new dance; I have fun doing free-style to music I love but the process of learning something new is good and healthful.

Taking time to spend in a peaceful (shady) spot, meditating on the goodness of God and being grateful for His Presence during the journey.

Cooking: trying new, healthful recipes or even treating myself to something special.... I'm thinking tea and scones =D I enjoy watching some of the cooking shows that feature recipes from different countries but I do have to laugh at the idea that the host (who lives in a large city and has access to international markets) assumes everyone can purchase the unique ingredients needed. Bitter gourd? Paneer cheese? Cassava? Shoot, up til about 20 years ago, we were doing good to get *tortillas* here! lol

My journey toward retirement may not look exactly how I envisioned it, but I'm flexible and will make lemonade (or maybe a Tom Collins) out of those lemons and keep moving forward :) :cool: ;)
 
We're finally arriving at my favorite time of year.... autumn (well, in the south, "cooler"). I am enjoying sitting on the screened-in back porch with fairy lights, sipping a glass of chardonnay, and listening to the birds chirping being replaced by crickets. The air is soft and cooler. It's such a pleasure.
 
Thoughts From October

So I continue to try to keep the Big (retirement) Picture in mind even as I navigate the daily-ness of work, family and expenses going through the roof.

One thing I’ve noticed…. Being an introvert and trying to connect with people on my time off tends to be a catch-22. By that I mean by the end of the work day I have had all the contact with humans I can deal with and must retreat to my books and music at home to get my feathers smoothed out and find my center again. But then when I feel lonely and would just like a short chat over coffee/glass of wine, I don’t have the foundation of already-established friendships I can call on to fill that.

I don’t mean to make it sound like friendships are all about me and my needs

I need to be in the lookout for folks I can connect with. I’m going to the library this AM… I’ll ask if they have a reading group…. That’s something I enjoy, the give and take of a discussion on books.

anyway, a good day to all
 
Whoo-boy. What a weekend... The MD's decided Thanksgiving was the weekend to discharge a bunch of patients and refer them for hospice. Which is fine in the long run but it is rather exhausting when it all happens in just a few days.

Honestly, I'm just not sure I can last out a whole 'nother year (yes, it literally has changed from 18 months to retirement to 12 months). I have to do some serious thinking. I'm not a quitter but there's a point where you say, "Enough"
 
A little advice from someone who retired in June 2020 due to Covid. Starts finding other interests now. (Sounds like you have a great list.) Don't define yourself by your work. I knew I would be retiring in the near future, so I started reflecting more on who I was outside of work. (Provider, husband, friend, son, uncle, etc.) Every day I thought about the things that made me happy in my personal life. This made it much easier to transition.

Like you, my goal was to become a better version of myself since I had the time, and I've kept that up by reading self-help books. I also find that exercising, for me personally, makes me feel better. At my gym, it is also nice to be around other people, even if I don't talk to them.

I was all about volunteering, but due to Covid their were no opportunities. Now I volunteer at our local arboretum, but I've actually found that I've become very selfish about my time and enjoy having absolutely no commitments. I felt guilty for the first few months, always thinking I needed to be doing something productive, but I eventually realized that these truly are my "golden years" and I need to enjoy them MY way.

Lastly, I'm not by nature a social person, but I have found myself talking to strangers and getting to know them. I am interested in what makes other people tick. I started talking to a lady outside the grocery store when she was loading her groceries into the back of a Miata convertible. I just said, "wow, those trunks are deceptive in how much they will hold. I used to have a Miata." We ended up chatting for 10 minutes. She asked me about my career, we exchanged names and we waved to each other as we drove off.

My friends all told me I would be less stressed and would live longer. I think they were right.

And BTW, my mother was recently in hospice and her caregivers were saints. It is by no means an easy job, and it takes a really special person to do it correctly. You are clearly special! I know you will be just fine in retirement. Here's to much success!
 
Whoo-boy. What a weekend... The MD's decided Thanksgiving was the weekend to discharge a bunch of patients and refer them for hospice. Which is fine in the long run but it is rather exhausting when it all happens in just a few days.

Honestly, I'm just not sure I can last out a whole 'nother year (yes, it literally has changed from 18 months to retirement to 12 months). I have to do some serious thinking. I'm not a quitter but there's a point where you say, "Enough"
the thing is , you're job is not just physically exhausting but seriously mentally exhausting too....

When I took retirement, I hadn't had any plans to do it the year I did, but I had been given more and more work to do without any help... and I much as I tried to do everything it was just impossible and it was making me ill .. so ultimately I felt I had no other choice, and took retirement at 62 long before I had , had any plans to do so ...
 
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I'm pushing thru my last few shifts... 15 more to go, ending almost 36 years as a Paramedic at the same service. No way I could do 7 more years.
I'm very familiar with Hospice professionally and personally and commend you on your job. Seems big holidays always spurn an increase in our Hospice transports. It is common that in our line of work it becomes a large part of your identity. Wishing you the best of luck.
 


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