A question for the guys but ladies can also weigh in

My first ex trained me right. After she cooked our first dinner together, she said, " Your dishes aren't going to get to the dishwasher by themselves". And I thought she was quite capable of opening her car door. When I went back home for Thanksgiving, I noticed the men watched TV, and the women waited on them. And the women seemed to be happy to do that. My ex would get me a beer, but I'd better not think that was her job.
 
In my mother's case, she expected and demanded courtesy from others, but seldom rendered it herself. For example, she didn't say "Please move so I can see the TV screen," but rather "Move!- - Gawd!- -You make a better door than a window!" I guess that this is what they mean by adding insult to a perceived injury... :rolleyes:
 
LoveTulips said:
I have and still do stuff for my husband without him asking. For example, vacuuming, making beds, laundry or picking up a favourite dessert at the store for him. He never says thank you. However, if he asks me to do something for him and I do it, he says thank you.

When I was much younger (40) and working, there was a young man working with me, he was about 19 maybe? Anyways, I would hear him on the phone (work phone landline )when he had a coffee break, and he would be arguing with his young girlfriend....well, actually, it sounded like she was the one upset, I could hear her voice, from where I sat, he was calm. So anyways, he gets off the phone, and tells me that his girlfriend is upset because she made breakfast for him and he didn't thank her at all.

So I said, why didn't you thank her? And he told me, because he didn't ask her to make breakfast for him. He says that she'll do stuff that he never asks her to do and then wants to be thanked for it.

Now, another example, my brothers, if you do something for them, they say thank you. And they are like that with their wives as well.

And another example, are women, well at least all the women I have met in my life. If I did something for a woman, helped her at work without her asking for help, I got a thank you. If I surprised my girlfriend with a coffee, she said thank you. I'm not saying all women are like this, but every woman that I have personally met.

So what do you think, say thank you for something you did not ask for or you don't have to thank the person.
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Sadly, we get lazy. We forget to say thank you. We take things for granted. It's not a good trait, but alas is a common one. No excuses.
 
Jules said:
Yes and no.

In your first sentence doing laundry, etc is just part of our everyday living and I wouldn’t expect several expressions of thank you. I don’t thank my husband for washing the windows or vacuuming, etc. It could go on all day. If he brought flowers as a personal gift to me or I gave him candy, then there’d be a thank you.

As suggested in a store or going to friends’ for dinner, there’d be a thank you.
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Totally get it, not daily. But once in 30 years would be nice. :ROFLMAO: But I do love my hubby, he is what he is.
 
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jet said:
i even thanked a lovely policewoman for booking me for speeding:rolleyes:
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In the film Anaconda, one dude thanks the former priest for allowing him to carry his baggage.
Bella said:
I say thank you when someone does something for me, whether I've asked them to do it or not. I don't expect to be thanked for every little thing I do. Fortunately, most of the men in my life have appreciated my efforts and have appropriately thanked me.

Apparently, most employers haven't deemed it necessary to instruct their cashiers to say "thank you." After checking out and being told, “Here you go." or “Have a nice day." repeatedly, I no longer say, “Thank you” for spending my money in those establishments. They are supposed to thank me for my purchase. Sometimes I say, “You're welcome.” 🤨 At times, I've been irritated enough to say to the cashier, “Saying “here you go” or “have a nice day” is not an acceptable substitute for saying “Thank you” to the customer." Then they give me the deer in the headlights look :oops:, but still don't say, “Thank you.”

However, I'm often thanked for my purchases at local farmers markets. 🙂
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Such behavior can be especially annoying when they very happily and smilingly say "Thank you!" or "Have a nice day!" or "Merry Christmas!" to everyone who preceded you on the checkout line, but then suddenly become tense and deathly quiet when it is your turn.
 
Aunt Bea said:
“So I said, why didn't you thank her? And he told me, because he didn't ask her to make breakfast for him. He says that she'll do stuff that he never asks her to do and then wants to be thanked for it.”

Sadly, we often treat strangers better than we treat the people closest to us.

In these situations it’s not thank you for breakfast as much as it is thank you for thinking of me.

Appreciating the people in your life with a kind word is always appropriate but l’m not sure that we should expect it.

Relationships are complicated.
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Actually, my hubby is not one to thank anyone for anything. If we are in the store, and a sales rep has helped with, let's say choosing sizes for curtains, he just says ok or just leaves without saying anything. I say thank you constantly to everyone. When he gets Christmas gifts from my brothers he doesn't say thank you. He is very frank with his feelings. So when he received a gift card from Canadian Tire, he said he doesn't like shopping at Canadian Tire. There have been many times when I wanted to bop my hubby on the head when he opens his mouth. :ROFLMAO: I do love him, it's just the way he is.
 
Bella said:
What irritates people is subjective. If not being thanked repeatedly doesn't matter to you, that's fine. You wouldn't feel irritated or feel any need to chastise them about it, but it's perfectly acceptable for you to criticize me by calling me petty. So much for courtesy.
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this is a discussion - I quite courtesly gave my opinion on what you wrote. Not about you personally but about what you wrote in your post.

What irritates people may be subjective - and I too am sometimes irritated by irrational things - but I wouldnt think it ok to chastise other people about them, I know when it is a me problem, not anything they have done wrong.
 
When it comes to please and thank you in stores and with service people it’s pretty much automatic for me to say it along the same lines with good morning, how are you, etc…

That may be due to my upbringing or over thirty years of being paid to be nice. 🤔🤭😂

If the other person doesn’t do the same or chooses not to respond that’s on them, not me.

In situations where I’m a regular I usually win people over or wear them down to the point where they will extend a greeting or thank you.

I’m not sure that any of this is necessary or sincere but IMO it makes the world a better place.
 
I always say please and thank you to anyone who I ask for help or who helps me. Now when I was living with my husband if he did something special for me (like go to the store for something I needed or brought me a cup of coffee in the morning, etc.) I would say thank you. But he did so many chores for the way we lived that I would be saying it all day long. So I didn't thank him for everything. He said it to me often for various things I did for him. Not for the normal household chores though. He didn't actually thank me for cooking a meal but he complimented me often for what I made. That was good for me.
 
Mr. Ed said:
If a person's motive for doing things for people hinges on being thanked for their efforts seems rather selfish and self-centered.
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Well, no, I'm still going to do things for my hubby as I love him and like him. But come on, I think you're taking it a step too far to say, that it's selfish or self-centered of me......after all, it is only common courtesy which I guess you don't believe in. And as I have said in previous posts, I don't expect a thank you every single time I do something nice for someone but it would be kind of hubby or whomever, to want me feel cherished by saying, Hey, Hon, thanks for your effort. And hubby has at times, I just wish he did it more in almost 35 years of marriage.
 
Bella said:
I say thank you when someone does something for me, whether I've asked them to do it or not. I don't expect to be thanked for every little thing I do. Fortunately, most of the men in my life have appreciated my efforts and have appropriately thanked me.

Apparently, most employers haven't deemed it necessary to instruct their cashiers to say "thank you." After checking out and being told, “Here you go." or “Have a nice day." repeatedly, I no longer say, “Thank you” for spending my money in those establishments. They are supposed to thank me for my purchase. Sometimes I say, “You're welcome.” 🤨 At times, I've been irritated enough to say to the cashier, “Saying “here you go” or “have a nice day” is not an acceptable substitute for saying “Thank you” to the customer." Then they give me the deer in the headlights look :oops:, but still don't say, “Thank you.”

However, I'm often thanked for my purchases at local farmers markets. 🙂
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Oh come on, for example, working at Walmart, the cashiers working their butts off, why do they have to say thank you for your business. They're so busy, they look exhausted at the end of their shifts... they probably just figure, just get me the hell out of here so I can go home. If they say thank you, or have a nice day, or something nice that is fine but I don't expect them to say thank you.
 

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