I am glad to say I have finally come to terms with my family and that is just to accept them plain and simple the way they are. I used to whine about them and be so frustrated because they are different than me. Now I just accept they have all the rights in the world to be as they are. There are a lot of reasons why we aren't close but they try to make up for that. I try to make up for it, too. I am not the easiest person to get along with in the world and it's okay that they are not either. We all come from the same mold but our histories make us somewhat different. It feels good to quit the whining about them not being the way I want them to be. p;I now feel that they are okay as they are.
Accepting Family
- Thread starter Ruthanne
- Start date
fureverywhere
beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
- Location
- Northern NJ, USA
Yeah I realize more than ever that "family" is so subjective. I have a best buddy who is the sister I never had...and he would be proud of me saying that. My Dad's side are white trash hillbillies and my Mom's side not a whole lot better. But I have immediate family and adopted family...that's what really matters:love_heart::love_heart::love_heart:
FazeFour
Member
Good for you, Ruthanne. It's not as easy as one might think.
I have had to distance myself from some family members. After Mom and Dad split up, everyone went nuts; started drinking and using drugs, stealing from each other, getting into physical fights. My youngest sister got help, and has been clean and sober for about 2 years. We have become close again because while I remained distant, I also remained hopeful and open-armed.
I have had to distance myself from some family members. After Mom and Dad split up, everyone went nuts; started drinking and using drugs, stealing from each other, getting into physical fights. My youngest sister got help, and has been clean and sober for about 2 years. We have become close again because while I remained distant, I also remained hopeful and open-armed.
That's true that family is subjective. I'm glad you have the best buddy!! Many people have adopted family's.
I was the only one who went nuts after my parents divorce. That's part of the reason why the rest of the family distances itself from me. They still think I'm going nuts. Oh well, to each his/her own.
AutumnOfMyLife
Member
- Location
- Midwest
I have a very dysfunctional family of origin. About five years ago I separated from them permanently. My father passed when I was 15 and mom passed about a year and a half ago. All that's left is a biobro and biosis that I have not had contact with for 5 years. I was the only one making inroads to change and I was highly criticized by a narcissistic biosis and a biobro who was sexually abusive when I was a young girl. As I look at it, they aren't people I would choose to be friends with if we weren't related and being related doesn't change that fact so I changed my name and moved on five years ago.
nitelite
Member
- Location
- Western Massachusetts USA
We can choose our friends but we cannot choose our family. Accepting family members for who they are can be a challenge that sometimes can not be overcome. We do have the choice to surround ourselves with people that are loving and caring. A true friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same.
Shalimar
SF VIP
- Location
- Vancouver Island Canada
I applaud your strength Autumn.
Actually we CAN make our own family of people who are basically friends that mean much more to us. I don't know many people that have unconditional love for me but accept for my dog Suzy. She is the greatest friend I've ever had.
jujube
SF VIP
Insanity doesn't run in my family......rather, it strolls through slowly, taking its time getting acquainted with everyone.
Edited: No, really, there are some "odd ducks" in my family, but we love them all the same.
Edited: No, really, there are some "odd ducks" in my family, but we love them all the same.
Last edited:
Debby
Well-known Member
- Location
- East coast of Canada
Love your comment jujube! I think most families have degrees of disfunction. I can attest to it in my family relationships too. I haven't talked to my sister in 32 years. Every conversation with my mother seems to grind on my nerves, my fault, their fault, probably 'our' faults. Family is no guarantee with regards to personalities.
! I think most families have degrees of disfunction. I can attest to it in my family relationships too. I haven't talked to my sister in 32 years. Every conversation with my mother seems to grind on my nerves, my fault, their fault, probably 'our' faults. Family is no guarantee with regards to personalities.
fureverywhere
beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
- Location
- Northern NJ, USA
Insanity doesn't run in my family......rather, it strolls through slowly, taking its time getting acquainted with everyone.
An example, my cousin's long time partner. He's been to every reunion for a decade, I don't know if he's ever said a word to anyone in that time except her. He always sits off by himself staring into space, eating whatever food she brings to him...in full camo, like he's going off hunting as soon as he endures this event...every time.
An example, my cousin's long time partner. He's been to every reunion for a decade, I don't know if he's ever said a word to anyone in that time except her. He always sits off by himself staring into space, eating whatever food she brings to him...in full camo, like he's going off hunting as soon as he endures this event...every time.
AutumnOfMyLife
Member
- Location
- Midwest
fureverywhere
beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
- Location
- Northern NJ, USA
But you know you can pick and choose, yup you're of a certain age and you can really...with no guilt. The family reunions used to be at my uncle's place. We've all aged like thirty, forty years. He still felt free to address us as children. You know what? Beep you son, I've had enough of life.
We are going to my niece's baptism. Her Mom is a saint in our family. I can see my grand-boy and open bar and brunch. Yup find a baby gift and it's all good.
We are going to my niece's baptism. Her Mom is a saint in our family. I can see my grand-boy and open bar and brunch. Yup find a baby gift and it's all good.
Karen99
Senior Member
- Location
- California
Ruthanne..I lost a favorite Aunt this week and seeing my family together was such a good thing. We may have differences but that is always going to happen. I agree that it's good to live them but get on with your own life and realize people can't always be what you wish or need them to be.
Acceptance isn't approval..but it brings peace when you can get to that point.
Acceptance isn't approval..but it brings peace when you can get to that point.
AutumnOfMyLife
Member
- Location
- Midwest
I wouldn't call it strength, I'd call it courage.
Shalimar
SF VIP
- Location
- Vancouver Island Canada
I hear you Autumn. I guess to me, true strength equals courage.
I'm glad you can accept them, too, it does bring peace to oneself and so does forgiveness.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Phoenix
Senior Member
- Location
- Oregon, U S
One of the ways to ensure that the hair stands up on the back of family members' necks is to express political opinions. Most of my family members remained in the mindset of our youth, very conservative in all ways. Once I got on the Internet, I made the mistake of expressing my opinions about certain political figures to family members. The good that came of it was that I now know who did not grow. I now know why I'm not close to these people. It took a while, but I've learned to accept that.