Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
My son #2 is a drug addict, in recovery now for 4+ years, the longest he has ever been clean and sober in the last 18 years. I am hopeful that his recovery will maintain. He will always be an addict, the only question is whether he's in recovery or relapse. Fingers crossed for continued recovery!
For the longest time I refused to go to a Naranon meeting (it's for the loved ones of addicts, similar to Al-Anon being for the loved ones of alcoholics) because I was leery of the 12 step program, believing it to be religious in nature and not wanting to have religion forced down my throat, subject myself to proselytizing, be prayed over, or any of the other things that I have dealt with since moving to the South....a very religious region!! And then, when I did finally decide to check one out, I discovered there were none in Nashville!! Luckily I happened to connect with a couple of people who were wanting to start one here, and so I jumped in and became a founding member because I knew how badly *I* needed help and figured there were plenty of other folks in the same shape!
Though I had misgivings in spite of my enthusiastic desire to help, I could no longer continue this struggle alone, I was having major PTSD episodes and triggering almost daily, I was on anti anxiety meds and anti depressants, and was so thoroughly beaten down by my son's addiction that I needed more than family support.
I had to get used to the form of the meetings, and the rules regarding the way they were run. No cross-talk and long silences when no-one felt like sharing were two major hurdles for me. At the start of each meeting, new members were encouraged to attend at least 6 meetings before deciding that Naranon wasn't for them. I took this to heart even though I was uncomfortable.
6 meetings in, and I was hooked. It is NOT a religious program as I thought. It's spiritual, flexible for any belief or none, and though it's slanted a bit towards religion here in Nashville, we (the founders) have all made SURE it doesn't become a religious meetings. My own Higher Power (for the purposes of the program) isn't God though for the majority of the attendees it is. (no offense intended to anyone!) The program is whatever works for the individual.
As a result of working the steps of the program, which initially I worked only in relation to my son, my entire life has improved because at some point I realized that this wasn't just a program for dealing with the affects of addiction on me. I re-evaluated what I realized was an obsessive need to control, not just my own life but things peripheral to it, I reigned in my expectations...not just my unrealistic ones, but really ANY of them in relation to anyone but myself, and I let go of the micromanagement I was doing in my addict son's life. That control and micromanagement was simply an effort to keep him alive, but nonetheless it wasn't actually doing anything except continuing to enable his addiction.
It still surprises me sometimes what a complete about-face I did! For my whole life I was completely negative towards 12 step programs. It's amazing what a good dose of desperation can do lol!!!
Do any of you have familiarity with any kind of 12 step program? Have any of you used any kind of program or group support to overcome something in your life?
For the longest time I refused to go to a Naranon meeting (it's for the loved ones of addicts, similar to Al-Anon being for the loved ones of alcoholics) because I was leery of the 12 step program, believing it to be religious in nature and not wanting to have religion forced down my throat, subject myself to proselytizing, be prayed over, or any of the other things that I have dealt with since moving to the South....a very religious region!! And then, when I did finally decide to check one out, I discovered there were none in Nashville!! Luckily I happened to connect with a couple of people who were wanting to start one here, and so I jumped in and became a founding member because I knew how badly *I* needed help and figured there were plenty of other folks in the same shape!
Though I had misgivings in spite of my enthusiastic desire to help, I could no longer continue this struggle alone, I was having major PTSD episodes and triggering almost daily, I was on anti anxiety meds and anti depressants, and was so thoroughly beaten down by my son's addiction that I needed more than family support.
I had to get used to the form of the meetings, and the rules regarding the way they were run. No cross-talk and long silences when no-one felt like sharing were two major hurdles for me. At the start of each meeting, new members were encouraged to attend at least 6 meetings before deciding that Naranon wasn't for them. I took this to heart even though I was uncomfortable.
6 meetings in, and I was hooked. It is NOT a religious program as I thought. It's spiritual, flexible for any belief or none, and though it's slanted a bit towards religion here in Nashville, we (the founders) have all made SURE it doesn't become a religious meetings. My own Higher Power (for the purposes of the program) isn't God though for the majority of the attendees it is. (no offense intended to anyone!) The program is whatever works for the individual.
As a result of working the steps of the program, which initially I worked only in relation to my son, my entire life has improved because at some point I realized that this wasn't just a program for dealing with the affects of addiction on me. I re-evaluated what I realized was an obsessive need to control, not just my own life but things peripheral to it, I reigned in my expectations...not just my unrealistic ones, but really ANY of them in relation to anyone but myself, and I let go of the micromanagement I was doing in my addict son's life. That control and micromanagement was simply an effort to keep him alive, but nonetheless it wasn't actually doing anything except continuing to enable his addiction.
It still surprises me sometimes what a complete about-face I did! For my whole life I was completely negative towards 12 step programs. It's amazing what a good dose of desperation can do lol!!!
Do any of you have familiarity with any kind of 12 step program? Have any of you used any kind of program or group support to overcome something in your life?
