After effects of work

Patnono said:
First IAM Not getting ANY assistance from Anyone. So get your FACTS right before you go making assumptions??? If you don't like what me and others are writing and getting frustrated? then don't answer or read it or get off this site?? That's LIFE... We're not always going to be able to please everybody. So I'm guessing you've never complained and have the perfect life right??? You know you do have the option of blocking those who you don't want to hear from??? Have you ever heard of the First Amendment right to freedom of speech??? Obviously not if you're trying to tell us what to and not to say???
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Whoa! That was quite a reaction to Olivia's relatively neutral remark. Patnono, ever since your "Bad financial situation-HOMELESS???" thread many SF members have reached out to you with emotionally supportive comments and creative, constructive recommendations (including getting in touch with social services).

Like most of us who've read your posts, Olivia undoubtedly presumed you had gotten in touch with SS, particularly since your opening statement February 4th on the above referenced thread included the following: "I was looking into senior housing, was given some miss information by a friend who said they don't check credit? Well they do. And there are waiting list, so who knows how long i'd have to wait? I have no where to go...money is going fast. I can't keep living here. Don't want to get evicted...worse than Bankruptcy. So trying to get out now trying to find a room to rent. Everyone who's a senior know getting a job at our age is TOUGH. I'm SCARED to DEATH!!!" That sounded pretty dire - as if you had mere days - or at most a few weeks - to sort this out.

I'm not sure what you want or expect from SF members.
 

Patnono said:
This website is suppose to be about support not to abuse those of us who are looking for support. You obviously have underlying issues in your life that you lack compassion. Constructive criticism is fine, but to be just downright MEAN, is another thing. I'll pray for you, sounds like you need compassion in your life? Take care
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I assume this is directed at me...

Well, ma’am, when I read wunna the threads, I thought maybe I could offer something.
Then saw the other offerings.
And your thumbs in the eyes.

Then the contradictory threads.

Then came to the understanding;
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As for praying for me? Please feel free to do so. Lord knows I could use all I can get.
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Truly wishing you the best, and answers to your dilemmas.

You take care, now.

Tomorrow will be better
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Just a thought, often, a core part of severe anxiety and depression/despair, is an inability to escape one’s inertia, it literally hurts to breathe. Tunnel vision rules the day, protracted, focused rational thought, changes/decisions are virtually impossible, there is literally no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Everything is negative. Therefore, irritability, fear, rational or otherwise, is the norm, getting out of bed almost impossible. I have been

there folks, almost died from attempting suicide. Soooo. If the lady needs to vent, please let her. Try not to be judgemental, it can take some time for the fog to clear, to learn to function again. I am saddened at some of the harsh remarks on this thread.


Mental illness is not a character flaw. When will we learn to recognize this? I was Patnono for a long long time. Her behaviour is consistent with her diagnosis. If a psychologist can be flattened by depression/anxiety, how is it ok to expect miracles of those without specialized skill sets?
 
Shalimar said:
Just a thought, often, a part of severe anxiety and depression/despair, is an inability to escape one’s inertia, it literally hurts to breathe. Tunnel vision rules the day, protracted, focused rational thought, changes/decisions are virtually impossible, there is literally no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Therefore, irritability, fear, rational or otherwise, is the norm, getting out of bed almost impossible. I have been

there folks, almost died from attempting suicide. Soooo. If the lady needs to vent, please let her. Try not to be judgemental, it can take some time for the fog to clear, to learn to function again. I am saddened at some of the harsh remarks on this thread.


Mental illness is not a character flaw. When will we learn to recognize this? I was Patnono for a long long time. Her behaviour is consistent with her diagnosis. If a psychologist can be flattened by depression/anxiety, how is it ok to expect miracles of those without specialized skill sets?
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I'm a little shocked too but didn't get involved and haven't read any past...I'm new and have been at another group with a lot of mean spirits. thanks....
 
We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.
Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.
 
Keesha said:
We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.
Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.
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One must first have the capacity to listen and learn before change is possible. I am pleased you had an epiphany while at your lowest point, it took me much longer to reach that place.
 
Keesha said:
We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.
Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.
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The frustration was normal, some of the comments were cruel. One does not require a PhD to behave in a compassionate fashion.
 
Shalimar said:
Just a thought, often, a core part of severe anxiety and depression/despair, is an inability to escape one’s inertia, it literally hurts to breathe. Tunnel vision rules the day, protracted, focused rational thought, changes/decisions are virtually impossible, there is literally no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Everything is negative. Therefore, irritability, fear, rational or otherwise, is the norm, getting out of bed almost impossible. I have been

there folks, almost died from attempting suicide. Soooo. If the lady needs to vent, please let her. Try not to be judgemental, it can take some time for the fog to clear, to learn to function again. I am saddened at some of the harsh remarks on this thread.


Mental illness is not a character flaw. When will we learn to recognize this? I was Patnono for a long long time. Her behaviour is consistent with her diagnosis. If a psychologist can be flattened by depression/anxiety, how is it ok to expect miracles of those without specialized skill sets?
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I gotta bow to this
and retract my observations
I can only deal with logic
and sometimes not even that
 
Shalimar, could you give us a guide as to how to respond to someone like Patnono to one of her questions that no one was able to answer to her satisfaction. How would you do it. I mean in words. I only responded to her once trying to make her understand us and how we can only help to a limited degree. Yes, saying some nice words is kind, but in the end she is still frustrated because we are unable to help her in the way that she can actually use the advice, and then she stops getting responses.
 
Olivia said:
Shalimar, could you give us a guide as to how to respond to someone like Patnono to one of her questions that no one was able to answer to her satisfaction. How would you do it. I mean in words. I only responded to her once trying to make her understand us and how we can only help to a limited degree. Yes, saying some nice words is kind, but in the end she is still frustrated because we are unable to help her in the way that she can actually use the advice, and then she stops getting responses.
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I think all you can do is try to be kind, not judge her harshly if she does not respond in a positive way. Ultimately, you are not shrinks, can’t be expected to professionally analyze her life. I often spend months listening to clients who are unloading years of pain, it is a form of lancing a poisonous emotional infection, a catharsis, once enough has been released, then healing can begin. Of course, that is not the

role of people here. If, after people offering sound advice, she is still unable to manifest change, clearly she is not yet well enough to do so. I totally understand the frustration this can cause for all concerned. Mental illness is difficult for the sufferer and the people

around them. You have the right to express your helplessness when all suggestions are shot down, or not followed up. It does no good to perpetuate a myth that this forum has a quick fix plan. I don’t know what avenues of professional help are available

to her, particularly if money is short. Therapy is very important at this juncture. I would be honest with patnono regarding your limitations, and if it becomes too draining, explain that and back off. If she can’t change her life, all she can expect here on sf is a sounding board from time to time.

There are also many online support groups for people dealing with depression and anxiety. I believe this would be very helpful for her. Oops, I forgot to suggest that when she asks questions that no one can answer to her satisfaction, remind her of your efforts, that you don’t have the right answers, not that you lack compassion. Suggest that if sf is not helping her, she could

also access the online support groups who would have a better understanding of what she is going through. Sorry for my disjointed reply, I lost one of my favourite vets to suicide, and my heart grieves.
 
StarSong said:
Thank you for giving us the benefit of your wisdom.

Patnono, please accept my sincere apologies for my harshness with you. I wish you the best.
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Yeah

I was waaaay outa line
not even in the ballpark

I'm goin' back to the sandlot
no rules there (that we hold to)
 

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