Yes it startled me but I’m rather accustomed to the unpredictable violent outbursts. I’ve got parents with similar tendencies as they have Alzheimer’s or are now senile. It comes with the territory. Note: NOT stated for pity!!!
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Ah, those wonderful, no-class folks, and their kids.
- Thread starter treeguy64
- Start date
Completely agree.
Ditto!
Maybe we all owe each other everything. The truth is, it doesn't work that way. That's the truth of the world and the truth is what must be taught. There is definitely room to also teach idealism.
Find some of the post peculiar: the kids acting out may or may not have emotional problems, a diagnosis can quickly be
obtained by bust their little hinnies. Not slaps on butt, full whacks, at least eight.
If the kid has issues, butt smacking will have little effect on his behavior.
It's a poor man's diagnostic guide.
Every child and teen, every one, will test the limits, you did-remember.
Gary O-that lady is smacking the wrong culprit
obtained by bust their little hinnies. Not slaps on butt, full whacks, at least eight.
If the kid has issues, butt smacking will have little effect on his behavior.
It's a poor man's diagnostic guide.
Every child and teen, every one, will test the limits, you did-remember.
Gary O-that lady is smacking the wrong culprit
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
No coddling, lesson learned, and nobody got hurt.
Someone got emotionally hurt and that someone has learned not to trust. That someone will one day find the worst nursing home on the planet to put the old lady in and she will deserve it.No coddling, lesson learned, and nobody got hurt.
You’re kidding right?No coddling, lesson learned, and nobody got hurt.
To me it’s more of a wtf moment
You've questioned and have been appalled by the violence you've seen in others in your own life, and here you go, guaranteeing it will continue forever. Is this an example of personal insight? Adjust the mirror. Thank you.
Find some of the post peculiar: the kids acting out may or may not have emotional problems, a diagnosis can quickly be
obtained by bust their little hinnies. Not slaps on butt, full whacks, at least eight.
If the kid has issues, butt smacking will have little effect on his behavior.
It's a poor man's diagnostic guide.
Every child, every one will test the limits, you did-remember.
do lemons grow on trees
obtained by bust their little hinnies. Not slaps on butt, full whacks, at least eight.
If the kid has issues, butt smacking will have little effect on his behavior.
It's a poor man's diagnostic guide.
Every child, every one will test the limits, you did-remember.
do lemons grow on trees
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
Actually, if it were me, I would take the food away and wait until he's hungry. No need to beg and nag or use psychology or fear of violence.
Butterfly
SF VIP
- Location
- Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
Back when I was a kiddo in the stone age, if we misbehaved in a store or other public place, we were jerked out of there so fast it made our heads swim. Then we were told that if we could not behave ourselves in a public place we didn't deserve to go there and we were taken home and we didn't get to go on the next few trips.
It worked.
My mother strongly believed that learning to behave in public was an important part of growing up being respectful of others and learning that the world didn't revolve around us.
It worked.
My mother strongly believed that learning to behave in public was an important part of growing up being respectful of others and learning that the world didn't revolve around us.
Aunt Bea
SF VIP
- Location
- Near Mount Pilot
Me too!
I still remember the lectures that we were given before we got out of the car so all that it took was the look if we started to get out of line.
When I see people frustrated by the way their children behave in public I think of this old saying and am thankful for the training and discipline that I received when I was young.
“Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” - Aristotle
Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
Seriously, folks??? 
First of all, the author Azaerrad that someone referenced earlier, assumes that all the children being medicated are the ones being positively disciplined. NOPE. Do your research. Does he realize a large portion of the the children being medicated for learning disabilities and behavior problems are the millions that are either in the foster system, or belonging to abusive, neglectful, addicted parents?
Nowhere does he (or many of you for that matter) acknowledge the difference between POSITIVELY DISCIPLINED (which is what Spock and his successors teach) and truly permissive “parents” who DON'T actually parent. Because that's what those folks you're seeing in Walmart who are ignoring their children are doing..or NOT doing. They're not parenting their kids, they're not positively disciplining them. They're not even negatively disciplining them! They're doing nothing!
How the hell does spanking a kid or screaming at them or sending them to stand in a corner teach a child to deal with their anger or their emotions? How does it do anything other than teach them to repress their feelings, which then bubbles over into aggression when they are old enough not to be controlled by an authoritarian parent anymore?
How could teaching a child how to recognize, name, and cope with their feelings do anything other than teach them how to handle themselves??
First of all, the author Azaerrad that someone referenced earlier, assumes that all the children being medicated are the ones being positively disciplined. NOPE. Do your research. Does he realize a large portion of the the children being medicated for learning disabilities and behavior problems are the millions that are either in the foster system, or belonging to abusive, neglectful, addicted parents?
Nowhere does he (or many of you for that matter) acknowledge the difference between POSITIVELY DISCIPLINED (which is what Spock and his successors teach) and truly permissive “parents” who DON'T actually parent. Because that's what those folks you're seeing in Walmart who are ignoring their children are doing..or NOT doing. They're not parenting their kids, they're not positively disciplining them. They're not even negatively disciplining them! They're doing nothing!
How the hell does spanking a kid or screaming at them or sending them to stand in a corner teach a child to deal with their anger or their emotions? How does it do anything other than teach them to repress their feelings, which then bubbles over into aggression when they are old enough not to be controlled by an authoritarian parent anymore?
How could teaching a child how to recognize, name, and cope with their feelings do anything other than teach them how to handle themselves??
Butterfly
SF VIP
- Location
- Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
I remember THE LOOK very well! It could strike fear into the heart of a stone statue. Maybe "fear" isn't the word, because I wasn't afraid of my parents, but you know what I mean.
StarSong
Awkward is my Superpower
- Location
- Los Angeles Suburbs
When raising my children, every night I prayed for more patience. Not for a more violent response to their behavior, but for more patience.
Just as war is a failure of diplomacy, striking a child is failure of parenting.
Just as war is a failure of diplomacy, striking a child is failure of parenting.
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
Oh, crap, I came to edit and deleted the whole post.
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Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
@Ronni - So, how would you handle the brat that kept kicking Gary's ankle at post #27 or the brat that pulled Liberty's mother's hair on the airplane at post #31. If you ask the parents to intervene, what if they don't do anything? I'm sure the parents of the two brats knew exactly what they were doing and just ignored it.
Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
I’d be really annoyed but they’re not my kids so that’s something I can’t control beyond asking the parents for help. If they didn’t I’d ring/yell/scream for an attendant.
Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t condone that kind of behavior at all. The kinds of things I have talked about here are the ways in which I raised my own children, but others kids are not mine to discipline positively, negatively or otherwise. All I can do is make the situation known and then as necessary remove myself from it.
Ronni
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nashville TN
I need to add this, because I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be holier than thou or a hypocrite.
My 4th child, Cameron, a toddler/preschooler at the time, was the most vicious and determined biter I have ever encountered.
I was very involved with kids when mine were young, ran my own child care facility, and later a private school, so I had lots of exposure to other kids, and a lot of experience dealing with them. Cam had been raised no differently than the other kids, none of whom exhibited that kind of aggressiveness. He was a sweet child in other regards, and probably the most intelligent though they're all very bright and test high. He was also very high need.
Dealing with him tested every bit of both my patience and my child rearing approach and philosophy. I realized that he bit another kid only when faced with a conflict that he could not otherwise resolve....i.e. you have my toy and I want it. You're pushing me. Etc. Recognizing that it was a reaction to a conflict rather than overt aggression helped me tackle it.
Regardless of what caused it, I still had to deal with it. I went through a period of just under a year where whenever we were in a group of other kids, (playdates, birthday parties etc.,) I made sure before we got together to warn every parent there that my son bit, and bit HARD, and to be very alert. I wanted their child protected, but I also didn't want to exclude the rest of my kids (I have 5 remember?) from every get together by always staying home or never inviting any other kid over. And meanwhile, working HARD on Cameron's conflict resolution skills.
I won't say I never got angry because I did. I won't say I never reacted to his aggression, because that would be a lie too. It was the most frustrating behavior of all my kids. I did the very best I could under very trying circumstances, and worked with Cameron to improve his conflict resolution skills, reinforcing every day that biting was NEVER OK, and that he needed to come get me if he felt pushed into that kind of a reaction, meanwhile never relaxing for even a moment when he was with a bunch of kids so I could intervene and redirect. And over time, whether because of my parenting or because he just aged out of the behavior, it stopped and I stopped having to be hyper-vigilant.
Cameron is a well adjusted, emotionally healthy 35 year old. He is a computer programmer and web developer, earns a 6 figure income, has a lovely girlfriend who is a teacher, a large circle of friends, just bought his first house, and is "normal" whatever that means lol! I've asked him about his biting when he was little, and he vaguely remembers it, and the only thing he can tell me about it is that he just remembers being scared and that was his way of dealing.
I have no way of knowing if my approach helped him or not, if he'd have stopped sooner if I'd punished him (other than removing him from the other kids for a time till he calmed down because he always cried when he bit) or whupped him or put him in time out or whatever.
But I'll tell you this....learning that he bit because he was scared? And knowing that my responses didn't feed his fear, make things worse, cause him to internalize what was going on with him emotionally? That to me is priceless!
My 4th child, Cameron, a toddler/preschooler at the time, was the most vicious and determined biter I have ever encountered.
I was very involved with kids when mine were young, ran my own child care facility, and later a private school, so I had lots of exposure to other kids, and a lot of experience dealing with them. Cam had been raised no differently than the other kids, none of whom exhibited that kind of aggressiveness. He was a sweet child in other regards, and probably the most intelligent though they're all very bright and test high. He was also very high need.Dealing with him tested every bit of both my patience and my child rearing approach and philosophy. I realized that he bit another kid only when faced with a conflict that he could not otherwise resolve....i.e. you have my toy and I want it. You're pushing me. Etc. Recognizing that it was a reaction to a conflict rather than overt aggression helped me tackle it.
Regardless of what caused it, I still had to deal with it. I went through a period of just under a year where whenever we were in a group of other kids, (playdates, birthday parties etc.,) I made sure before we got together to warn every parent there that my son bit, and bit HARD, and to be very alert. I wanted their child protected, but I also didn't want to exclude the rest of my kids (I have 5 remember?) from every get together by always staying home or never inviting any other kid over. And meanwhile, working HARD on Cameron's conflict resolution skills.
I won't say I never got angry because I did. I won't say I never reacted to his aggression, because that would be a lie too. It was the most frustrating behavior of all my kids. I did the very best I could under very trying circumstances, and worked with Cameron to improve his conflict resolution skills, reinforcing every day that biting was NEVER OK, and that he needed to come get me if he felt pushed into that kind of a reaction, meanwhile never relaxing for even a moment when he was with a bunch of kids so I could intervene and redirect. And over time, whether because of my parenting or because he just aged out of the behavior, it stopped and I stopped having to be hyper-vigilant.
Cameron is a well adjusted, emotionally healthy 35 year old. He is a computer programmer and web developer, earns a 6 figure income, has a lovely girlfriend who is a teacher, a large circle of friends, just bought his first house, and is "normal" whatever that means lol! I've asked him about his biting when he was little, and he vaguely remembers it, and the only thing he can tell me about it is that he just remembers being scared and that was his way of dealing.
I have no way of knowing if my approach helped him or not, if he'd have stopped sooner if I'd punished him (other than removing him from the other kids for a time till he calmed down because he always cried when he bit) or whupped him or put him in time out or whatever.
But I'll tell you this....learning that he bit because he was scared? And knowing that my responses didn't feed his fear, make things worse, cause him to internalize what was going on with him emotionally? That to me is priceless!
There are different interpretations of that saying. Some believe it means physical punishment. Others believe that the "rod" is like the rod that shepherds use to guide sheep (not hit them). So it can also mean firm guidance.
You kept trying, that's the point. You didn't enable him by saying, "Oh he has (such and such) disorder, he can't help it."I need to add this, because I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to be holier than thou or a hypocrite.
My 4th child, Cameron, a toddler/preschooler at the time, was the most vicious and determined biter I have ever encountered.
Dealing with him tested every bit of both my patience and my child rearing approach and philosophy. I realized that he bit another kid only when faced with a conflict that he could not otherwise resolve....i.e. you have my toy and I want it. You're pushing me. Etc. Recognizing that it was a reaction to a conflict rather than overt aggression helped me tackle it.
Regardless of what caused it, I still had to deal with it. I went through a period of just under a year where whenever we were in a group of other kids, (playdates, birthday parties etc.,) I made sure before we got together to warn every parent there that my son bit, and bit HARD, and to be very alert. I wanted their child protected, but I also didn't want to exclude the rest of my kids (I have 5 remember?) from every get together by always staying home or never inviting any other kid over. And meanwhile, working HARD on Cameron's conflict resolution skills.
I won't say I never got angry because I did. I won't say I never reacted to his aggression, because that would be a lie too. It was the most frustrating behavior of all my kids. I did the very best I could under very trying circumstances, and worked with Cameron to improve his conflict resolution skills, reinforcing every day that biting was NEVER OK, and that he needed to come get me if he felt pushed into that kind of a reaction, meanwhile never relaxing for even a moment when he was with a bunch of kids so I could intervene and redirect. And over time, whether because of my parenting or because he just aged out of the behavior, it stopped and I stopped having to be hyper-vigilant.
Cameron is a well adjusted, emotionally healthy 35 year old. He is a computer programmer and web developer, earns a 6 figure income, has a lovely girlfriend who is a teacher, a large circle of friends, just bought his first house, and is "normal" whatever that means lol! I've asked him about his biting when he was little, and he vaguely remembers it, and the only thing he can tell me about it is that he just remembers being scared and that was his way of dealing.
I have no way of knowing if my approach helped him or not, if he'd have stopped sooner if I'd punished him (other than removing him from the other kids for a time till he calmed down because he always cried when he bit) or whupped him or put him in time out or whatever.
But I'll tell you this....learning that he bit because he was scared? And knowing that my responses didn't feed his fear, make things worse, cause him to internalize what was going on with him emotionally? That to me is priceless!
Aw, c'mon. Don't you recognize a tall tale when you read it?
Catlady
Well-known Member
- Location
- Southern AZ
I'm not saying this is what happened to Cameron, I'm just using it as an example of bad behaviors in children. I'm so glad he turned out to be an exemplary young man.My 4th child, Cameron, a toddler/preschooler at the time, was the most vicious and determined biter I have ever encountered.
My daughter's SIL had a boy that was a terror, not a biter but he once took a plastic baseball bat and hit my granddaughter on the head. Good thing it wasn't the real thing! He was also very hyperactive and destructive. His mother let him drink soda, and when she finally stopped giving it to him he calmed down considerably and started acting decent for a child. I think kids nowadays drink too much soda/caffeine and that, besides lenient parents, could be part of the problem.