Alcohol, problem drinkers, and the family…

F

Fyrefox

Well-known Member
My mother was a problem drinker, frankly a borderline alcoholic, although she never thought that she was. I saw the problem creep in insidiously and grow during my childhood and adult years. Mother drank a lot of beer, beginning with lunch with more to follow at dinner, and then yet more in the evening. She would often pass out in her chair while watching television at night from the influence of it.

My mother and father would finish a pitcher of beer between them at restaurant meals. Regardless of how good the restaurant was, my mother couldn’t be satisfied with any meal unless beer was available there. A “bring your own bottle” arrangement was, if necessary, acceptable to her.

How bad did her drinking get? So bad that she was cut off by a bartender at a bar as a senior after my father’s death. So bad that she vomited up her false teeth at a senior’s gathering where alcohol was available. So bad that my sister and I had to worry about her driving while under the influence.

Have any of you ever had a family member with a drinking problem, and how did it affect you and your family?
 

I was married to an alcoholic and I left him within 2 years of marrying him. On our wedding night I left him passed out on the lawn as he was trying to make it from the car to the house. He died at 52. Why did I marry him since I did not drink? I thought I could change him......
 

My parents were both drinkers
The amount of alcohol they could drink was staggering . What puzzled me most was how well they handled it. I never saw parents staggering around. Their bodies seemed to adapt to it. My father wanted my mom to quit drinking while he still drank. lol My parents were good at concealing their addiction but I think most people are. I was never embarrassed about my parents behaviour. They could handle themselves well.

I don’t drink. I love coolers and dessert type drinks but I love them a bit too much. Unlike my parents, I don’t handle booze well at all. Probably because my body hasn’t adapted to it.
 
My father, us four boys and my sister all were problem drinkers. I think we went from a baby bottle right to a beer bottle. Lots of sad and terrible stories, drama, tramau and destruction.

I am the only one who was able to stop. At age 22 I was being booked into the local jail and the officer at the desk greeted me like an old friend, knew my name without having to look at the file, I'd been a frequent visitor. That was it for me, I saw me following the same path as my dad and siblings and didn't like that future.

The sad thing is even though I never had another drink alcohol has still negatively affected my life because of family issues. Somehow I ended up marrying a woman with a drinking problem and my son developed a drinking problem, coincidentally he quit at 22, just like me.

I hate alcohol, absolutly hate it.
 
My Father and older Brother were alcoholics. Neither sought help. From the age of 14 to 19 I lived with my Father and younger brother. My live centered on how dysfunctional our family was. So many gruesome memories. I drank more than moderately for 18 years. I have a DWI, and ended up some nights in very strange places. I really have no regrets, except for the wear on my body. I could stay functional until I got sleepy, so no real problems or injuries. My older brother was violent when drunk and lost his family because of it. He was a millionaire ( crippled by a wrecking ball - settlement ) and he left his kids nothing.
 
My dad had an occasional beer and my mom liked her fancy “ladies” drink (whatever that was) when they would go out dressed for dinner. I like a cocktail with my meal at my club on if my wife and I go out for dinner.

Over my years of policing the roads, I arrested my share of DUI’s, including older women and of course, men.

I remember getting a call from the barracks operator telling me that a person on the interstate at mile marker 98 SB was all over the road. I was 6 miles away also SB. I got behind the vehicle that was described and the driver was going from lane to lane for no apparent reason. I turned the lights on and he failed to stop, so I hit the siren a few times to get his attention and he finally pulled off the road and ended up hitting the guardrail.

When I walked up to the car, I asked him if he was OK. He asked me “Why wouldn’t I be?” His speech was a bit slurred. I told him “Well, you did hit the guardrail.” He said “I did?” I had him step out of the car and he almost fell out of the vehicle. I gave him a sobriety test and he failed at 2.2. But, that wasn’t the worst one.
 
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My parents were tea totalers and I'm grateful for that. Then I grew up and, although I only drank occasionally, it was always to excess. Once started I couldn't seem to stop. I quit completely 30 years ago at the same moment I quit smoking because I knew if I ever had a drink, it would only take me five minutes to start bumming cigarettes.
 
I grew up trembling in fear when my father did not show up for dinner, knowing the havoc that would commence once he got home intoxicated. I thought I could do better as an adult, but failed in the same way. But through Christ my need to become intoxicated was taken away.

Alcohol is a slightly intoxicating beverage when consumed in moderation, and a nice supplement to a meal. But drunk in excess, it is a tool. A tool of Satan to unleash all sorts of sinful tendencies and create misery in many ways. For my household, I choose to abstain completely, not for my sake, but for the sake of others in my household. If I were living alone, I might drink an alcoholic beverage in strict moderation.
 
Michael Z said:
I grew up trembling in fear when my father did not show up for dinner, knowing the havoc that would commence once he got home intoxicated. I thought I could do better as an adult, but failed in the same way. But through Christ my need to become intoxicated was taken away.

Alcohol is a slightly intoxicating beverage when consumed in moderation, and a nice supplement to a meal. But drunk in excess, it is a tool. A tool of Satan to unleash all sorts of sinful tendencies and create misery in many ways. For my household, I choose to abstain completely, not for my sake, but for the sake of others in my household. If I were living alone, I might drink an alcoholic beverage in strict moderation.
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I never understood how men can sit in a bar for hours or even all day drinking one beer after another. I drink a beer and that’s good for me. We had a brewery here in PA called Rolling Rock. They were made in western PA. They have since sold out and moved the company. But, it was a 12 oz. bottle with a rating of 4.4% alcohol. A lot of the younger crowd drank those.

I also wanted to add that they made a 7 oz. bottle or what was called a pony bottle. Pennsylvania is known for making some good beers. Yuengling is probably our most popular beer and Iron City was our worst.
 
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I am an alcoholic. I do not drink. I credit the online group Women For Sobriety (womenforsobriety.org) for helping me. Throughout my life I drank more than was good for me. After my son married in 2014, I felt I couldn't stop. Joined my neighborhood AA also. I would never take even a small sip of alcohol again, I know I wouldn't stop...........So, I don't start.

My drinking never interfered in my life, and before 2014 I would stop for months, even years, at a time, without thinking about it. HALT, an acronym which means a drinker should never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired if they want to stop drinking. And I did want and need to stop when my grandson was born in 2018.

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Fyrefox said:
My mother was a problem drinker, frankly a borderline alcoholic, although she never thought that she was. I saw the problem creep in insidiously and grow during my childhood and adult years. Mother drank a lot of beer, beginning with lunch with more to follow at dinner, and then yet more in the evening. She would often pass out in her chair while watching television at night from the influence of it.

My mother and father would finish a pitcher of beer between them at restaurant meals. Regardless of how good the restaurant was, my mother couldn’t be satisfied with any meal unless beer was available there. A “bring your own bottle” arrangement was, if necessary, acceptable to her.

How bad did her drinking get? So bad that she was cut off by a bartender at a bar as a senior after my father’s death. So bad that she vomited up her false teeth at a senior’s gathering where alcohol was available. So bad that my sister and I had to worry about her driving while under the influence.

Have any of you ever had a family member with a drinking problem, and how did it affect you and your family?
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That doesn't sound "borderline" to me.
My wife grew up with alcoholics in her family and we have friends with them in their family.
 
Pepper said:
HALT, an acronym which means a drinker should never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired if they want to stop drinking.
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I like that for my tendency to comfort myself with food.

Pepper, I once heard you say you had stopped eating. Or did I misread that? If you did say it, what did you mean exactly?
 
My grandfather was the town drunk. When I knew him, he never would touch a drink at all. Four out of his 5 daughters married alcoholics to be. One uncle was in the yard, naked, on all fours, and barking like a dog. Another uncle beat my aunt, and put her in a hospital for two months. I lucked out with my dad. My brother had a drinking problem. He crashed into a power station and knocked power out for the whole town. He won't touch a drop , now.
 
My maternal grandmother was a long time beer alcoholic. Three of my 5 brothers are too, serious beer drinkers now with end of life liver issues. Another deceased brother was addicted to pain pills that led to a stroke.

I tried drinking during my post high school era in the military but soon didn't much enjoy being drunk, mentally diminished. That noted, I still don't mind an occasional few small swallows of beer or sweet wine. I even more hated cigarette smoking so never did that. So for awhile hung out at coffee shops instead of bars but then that came to an end. Even many people that claim they don't approve of or like recreational drugs A to Z, are caffeine consumers, especially coffee and tea. It is most certainly a mentally affecting drug.
 
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I was married to an alcoholic who became increasingly aggressive as the years passed. At first he only drank moderately but when we returned to California, he began drinking more heavily - particularly when out of town on company business.
When he lost that job and we moved to Sacramento, he would go drinking with the guys after work and come home very drunk. After we'd been marries for 10 plus years I knew I had to do something to give myself some choices and I went back to school to finish my nursing degree. (I had 4 kids and no way to earn enough of a living to support me and the kids.) I only had a year and a half to go.
His drinking got worse until he descended into physical violence. At that point I filed for divorce. We split the money for our property giving me enough for a down payment on this house which I ultimately paid off. Getting my Rn license/degree was the best thing I ever did!
I completely quit drinking at all many years ago. I wasn't a problem drinker, but I figured I would need all my brain cells as I aged further. I haven't had a drink in over 20 years.
 
My father was one of three sons and both of his younger brothers were alcoholics. One died in his early 40's from a stroke. The other died in his late 50's from colon cancer. The one who lived the longest had a wife that would not allow him to drink, so when he would leave home he would go on a bender. He once visited us when we lived in Tampa. I was in Junior High and my parents and my girlfriend were headed to Busch Gardens with him. My dad went to his hotel room and he had been on such a bender that he couldn't leave his room and didn't join us. That was my first exposure to alcoholism.

My parents both liked their drinks, but not in excess. When my mother got older she loved her red wine. She had a retired registered nurse that took her grocery shopping. She once called me and said "I'm concerned at how much red wine your mother is consuming". My response was "she has lived to 86 and if she isn't falling down drunk she can have all the wine she wants." :ROFLMAO: She lived to 89 y/o.
 
I too am an alcoholic. It caused a lot of hurt, pain, and chaos to my sisters , my dad and to friends. I avoided all the chaos I caused by numbing myself most every nights (black out drinker most every night). I am very thankful that I sought help and started going to AA before dementia hit my dad so we could heal the hurt and pain I caused him.

My mom was an alcoholic. She was very distant and remote as I grew up and I held a huge resentment toward her for a very long time. While I was going through treatment I finally was able to get over that resentment and forgive her even though she had passed 20 years earlier. I had always considered her as a mom that failed in her duties instead of realizing that she was a human being who had flaws and was sick. She lived in that time when it was considered a weakness for a woman to seek help. Thankfully times have changed and many of the meetings I have attended have more women at the meetings than men.
 
Wow, it’s obvious that alcohol has adversely impacted many lives here, and it helps to know that others have struggled with it, or suffered because of it. In my mother, I had a powerful negative example of what alcohol could do, so quite an incentive to stay away from the drinking lifestyle. My father was able to control his drinking, but not so my mother. She induced an element of shame in both my sister and myself over her drinking, but denial ran strongly in her, and together with her narcissistic personality she thought that she could never do any wrong. It’s a deal of a note to feel ashamed of your own mother, and at times have to run interference for her.

I haven’t consumed any alcohol now in years, and prior to that time just had an occasional red wine with an Italian dinner, or a mixed drink in social settings where there was the opportunity and expectation that drinking would occur. I no longer have friends around who expect me to drink with them as a condition of maintaining the friendship, and really don’t miss alcoholic beverages at all… 🍺 🍹
 
My parents were both big drinkers; definitely alcoholics but to give them credit, I never really saw them staggeringly drunk. They could handle it, for the most part.
Sorry everyone. I answered this question already. My short term memory isn’t good.
 
Alcohol is a very addictive substance. It’s easy to become addicted to it. I love reading all the stories about people quitting.

A really good book on the topic is The Naked Mind. Annie Grace has a different approach to stopping as well as an online support group.
 

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