Alcoholic definition?

P

Patnono

Member
Location
Whittier,Ca
Whats the definition of an alcoholic? I have a boyfriend who I believe is an alcoholic? The first time the thought came to me, was when we went out to dinner with his parents. He had 7 glasses of champagne. I called him out on it and he said it was the cheap kind that it did nothing to him. I'm not a drinker, but not stupid.
My ex-mother in law was a functioning alcoholic. So I do know about it. He keeps denying it. I Don't go over his house because he gets drunk, and not a nice person when he's drinking.
We've had many arguments about this. He does sneaky things thinking I won't know? He'll say he's not going to drink, but is drunk before I pick him up. After leaving dinner he'll say he has to go to the bathroom leaving me waiting in the car. One time I went in cause he was gone awhile, I caught him at the bar drinking. He still deny being drunk??? Even catching him red handed he Denies, Denies, Denies I've suggested Alcoholics Anonymous, he gets mad saying he doesn't have a problem. His mother has made comments about it, but then denies he has a problem? Am I Wrong???
 

I'd say he has an alcohol problem. If he can't have one or two drinks without having seven, and gets drunk often, and has negative personality changes when he's drunk, he's an alcoholic. He needs to acknowledge he has a problem controlling his drinking and admit that it may be running his life every day. But your approach may not be very good, he probably resents being treated like a child and getting 'caught' by you, or even having to sneak around behind your back.

You may look into a program for him to join that isn't 12 step, and then suggest it to him. You really can't have a serious discussion about it until he's sober and able to think clearly about it. How long have you been going out with him, he must have had this problem when you first met him?

https://www.verywellmind.com/early-signs-of-an-alcoholic-4062471
 
He is an alcoholic! When your drinking starts interfering with your life then you are one. Until he wants to get help there is not much you can do. I joined al anon and that helped me a great deal. After 3 years I removed myself from him completely and he never got help after that.
 

A person is an alcoholic or an addict if that person forms a dependency for the drug. And, yes, alcohol is a drug. If a person cannot get through the day's normal challenges without taking a drink or using a drug, then that person is more than likely addicted, which in turn makes that person an alcoholic or an addict. Smoking is also an addiction. Nicotine is the most addictive drug on the market.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I think that you already know the answer.

Nagging won't help, people don't/can't change until they are ready.

Leave him in peace, wish him well and move on.
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Yes, OP already knows the answer.
Finding the right label/definition is pointless.

Based on various threads OP already has plenty of drama and chaos; strange to add an alcoholic boyfriend to the pile.
 
My wife had a total alcoholic, now ex, husband. The dude loved to drink, got DUI's, but wasn't a nasty drunk. After trying to help him, and finding out that he didn't want the help, she divorced him. He later committed suicide by taking too many sleeping pills. IOW, he wanted to die after the divorce. She was very, very glad to finally get out of the marriage.
She had me get rid of all of the photos, including the wedding ones, of her and him.

IMO, way to many husbands, wives, finance's, boyfriends and girlfriends try to "save" their partner, who refuses to be saved from alcohol and it can/does create a "living Hell" for the couple and family. However, there are some that actually do get saved.
 
911 said:
A person is an alcoholic or an addict if that person forms a dependency for the drug. And, yes, alcohol is a drug. If a person cannot get through the day's normal challenges without taking a drink or using a drug, then that person is more than likely addicted, which in turn makes that person an alcoholic or an addict. Smoking is also an addiction. Nicotine is the most addictive drug on the market.
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Qft.
 
Butterfly said:
I do not believe that nagging, threats, or anything else will stop an alcoholic from drinking until he/she is ready. Patnono, you are wasting your time and breath on this guy. Get away from him before he causes you serious harm.
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Agree 100% with Butterfly. At best it may work for a week or two but without his own desire to recover with professional help, he won't change.

There is no "cure" as such, for addiction. Once an addict, always an addict. However, many, many addicts can stay in "recovery" due to their own desire to, professional help and maybe sponsorship.

It's a day to day thing, sometimes, hour to hour but they say it can be done if the addict wants to- for himself, not for his family or even his children, but himself/herself.

I'm guessing you've encouraged and pleaded many times. Like Butterfly, I say it's time to get rid of him before you get hurt. Best wishes!
 
applecruncher said:
Yes, OP already knows the answer.
Finding the right label/definition is pointless.

Based on various threads OP already has plenty of drama and chaos; strange to add an alcoholic boyfriend to the pile.
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Pile, indeed!

I didn't realize this was from that poster until you pointed it out, AC. Thanks! I am starting to think that this person is a troll, like the one I recently outed, in here. This person has so much wrong in her life, and seems to post more and more terrible scenarios, daily. While our resident psych "expert" in here has (predictably) quickly championed her cause(s), the way she did with the last (obvious) troll who was outed and banned, I am thinking this person probably needs to be given a hard look at by our esteemed moderator. It is one thing to occasionally have a bad experience, or two, that one wishes to share, to elicit feedback and (possibly) sympathy. It's quite another to go on and on about all of the bad things in one's life to the point where you truly have to question the poster's authenticity.
 
If the alcoholic or addict is ignoring consequences then they have a problem. Anything I've ever heard, read or seen is that the alcoholic has to want to change. Just like a person who wants to loose weight or stop smoking they have to really really want it. That means you have to allow them to hit the rock bottom they are already en route to.
 
Many years ago, a couple of pilots from a large airline were caught drinking before their flight. Obviously, they were both suspended pending further investigation. When the smoke had cleared, both were fired. I’m not sure if they were drinking just before their flight to calm themselves or just stupid. After thinking a little more about it, I’m going with stupid.
 
Many of the posts on this thread are both an honest and encouraging attempt to help the OP find her way. For others who may not have experienced prolonged chaos and drama in their own lives, aside from uncontrollable events which may challenge any of us

regardless of our best efforts, one of the prime symptoms of severe depression and anxiety is the inability to see clearly and make appropriate decisions to improve one’s environment. When one lives in a black tunnel of fear and doom, everything is negative, terrifying, overwhelming, it is unreasonable to expect that individual to be rational, upbeat, in control, embracing

positive change when it hurts to breathe, and getting out of bed almost impossible. Further complications can occur when people doubt the honesty of their words, simply because they have never been there, or they live under the false assumption

that they are the masters of their destiny, never to be in such a state. It requires courage to admit one’s life is a train wreck. I have seen doctors, police officers, Emergency personnel reduced to gibbering in corners, even a catatonic politician, Mesdames et Monsieurs, there but for luck go any of us.
 

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