Am I no longer needed?

Tally

Tally

New Member
I don't know if this is the place for my problem but here it goes. I'm 85 yrs old woman and for the past 15 years have been with a Thoroughbred horse rescue. We take them from the race tracks and rehab, retrain and rehome. My life is horses and I've been on the board of directors for 14 years.
I apply for grants, do regular posting to our facebook page, keep current on the state and federal agencies filings plus apply for certification with a number of national race horse foundations. I also groom, bathe and help orientate the horses to a non-racing life. Until about a year ago, everything was fine but now I find I'm being left out of major decisions and am left out of activities in which I always participated.
I've tried to ask if I've done anything wrong but am ignored. My doctor says I'm the only patient he's ever had who was in such good shape both physically and mentally, and could run circles around a person 20 years younger. If it hadn't been for me, the farm wouldn't have the annual funding that they now receive. I am stumped as to what to do next. I feel so badly about what is happening. I can't be without the farm and the horses. I need the constant stimulation of all the paperwork that I do.
Everyone is at least 40 years younger than me and I suppose that's the problem. They think that I'm going to keel over one day soon and they are not so subtlety forcing me out. They have no idea of how much time I put into keeping the place running. What would be a suggestion on how to handle this? I'm being treated like a doddering, old person.
 

Hello Tally. I can see why the upset. Part of your reasoning may be correct in that the staff are concerned about you loosening the reins. Perhaps a good place to start would be to sit down and discuss everyone’s duties and suggest that you are willing to train and mentor someone to step into your shoes. Letting go is never easy but maybe having a lesser role and still being part of the farm would be a solution. And Welcome to SF.
 
The problem is that there is no one who has the time to do all that I do. Everyone works and we only have 5 board members, 2 of which have jobs that frequently take them out of the country. One of the other 2 works 12 hour days and another, in addition to working full time, referees on the weekends. The 5th, has no clue how to use a computer.
 

If it’s important to you have the grace to accept these changes and continue contributing without comments about the past or other members of the group.

If it was me, I would step aside without comment or explanation and find something else to occupy my time.

Good luck to all of you, especially the horses.
 
Hello and welcome to the forum!

First, I tip my hat to you in a HUGE way not only for all the desk work you do, but you are still able to get to the barn and care for the horses; that is a tremendous amount of work.

You don’t mention if those much younger board members have shown any concern for you handling unknown horses (they are unknown when they come in). That should be their honest and caring concern for you.

If they have not they should be ashamed. I have to agree, it sounds as if they want you to retire and that is even more of a shame, as I don’t think they realize they would be losing a person who is such an important part of the organization.

I trust you are a 501(c)(3) organization. Is there someone you answer to in that regard, that may be able to force a board meeting to discuss your future responsibilities.

Who owns the facility, or is it donated? If owned or leased, perhaps the owners could force a board meeting.

Or you might force a board meeting and tell them all to speak their peace regarding whatever concerns they may have about you. Just shutting you out certainly is not an ethical answer.

I am 78 and have been paying for my own horses, nonstop, since I was 12. I have rehabbed several horses who were soured by people, and rehomed them. I am down to my last horse, a retired show jumper and was gifted to me in 2022. He is around 30 by now.

My point is I truly ”feel” your need to be involved in the paperwork aspect and also the grooming of the horses. Those horses are your world. There are women your age who are still trail riding.

If the other board members are sincerely worried about your ability to perform all of the duties you have been doing to date, perhaps a letter from your doctor may be in order.

As long as you truly are still “sharp” in all aspects of your duties; i.e. not making mistakes in any paperwork, still able to quickly get out of the way of a horse’s sudden movements, get them safely out of the crossties to take them back to the stall or for turnout (but there should be volunteers for that), you need to “keep on keepin’ on”, because that is the world that keeps you going.

I hope this is helpful😇😇

Welcome again to the forum and please don’t be a stranger.🤠🤠
 
I would force a meeting with every single person and confront them. Point out to them that pushing you out could be the end of the rescue. They may not be aware of all that you do.

Thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for the Thoroughbreds (who will always have a special place in my heart).

Welcome to our forum! We have a board here where we post pictures of horses and will welcome you there.
 
It may be interesting for them to learn just how much you will be missed. Perhaps you could "disappear" for a few weeks or even months, especially when something important is coming up. Either one of them will have to step up to the plate (that doesn't sound very viable) or they may be forced to call you for help. The downside of this could be the entire organization may shut down. That would be sad.
 
Welcome Horse Sign Painting by JQ Licensing - Fine Art America
 
Unfortunately, we reach an age where we are expected to step aside and retire as expected. With the advances in medicine and technology, we are living longer because we are healthier. Most companies back in the day had mandatory retirement rules and that was it.

Paperwork has been replaced by digitalization. Everything is done with a computer these days and rapidly. Like it or not, most folks at advanced age are really unable to keep up.

I am 93, a retired nurse, and am in reasonable health at the moment. I feel I could run any department in the hospital. Of course, I have accepted the fact that there is no way, by today's approach, not only to medicine, but businesses everywhere that I am delusional in this thinking.

Due to the lack of responses to your concerns in your case, you might possibly be able to speak with whoever is in charge and learn just where they think you fit in today. Perhaps a consulting position or teaching capacity is something all might consider.

I wish you the best, for I know how frustrating this can be when we still are able to function well.
 
Tally said:
... I can't be without the farm and the horses. I need the constant stimulation of all the paperwork that I do.
Everyone is at least 40 years younger than me and I suppose that's the problem. They think that I'm going to keel over one day soon and they are not so subtlety forcing me out. They have no idea of how much time I put into keeping the place running. What would be a suggestion on how to handle this? I'm being treated like a doddering, old person.
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Welcome, Tally, from Alaska
The younger generations seem very strange, at least to me. They often feel and show their hostility toward the elderly.
You say you 'can't be without the farm and the horses' and the paperwork but of course you can. Actually, the fact is that you love these things and would be a lost soul without them. You care.
I don't hold much hope for sympathy among the board members, they don't seem to like you. The only thing I can think of is an attorney. Begin to document things, you'll be good at that. Get mentally militant, fight this thing.
Good luck, Tally. PLEASE KEEP US POSTED! We care.
 
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I feel a lot of empathy for you. It must be scary and hurtful to assume you are become irrelevant. I wonder if a meeting where all the players were present might shed some light on what..exactly…is driving the attitude change. Perhaps some key players are either losing faith in the current vision and goals…or they envision another future of the rescue. Unfortunately times have changed tremendously in the world…and the saying “adapt or die” comes to mind. Good luck…and welcome.
 
It is not a matter of you being needed.

You are valuable.

If the current group is wanting to push you out, then help someone else, start a different farm, or join a different group.

If any of the others are actually personal friends, then talk to them one on one off the premises. If they confirm that the majority wants you out, then leave on your own, and write a new story.

If none of them are your friends, then just leave. Some people are not who they pretended to be, and you don't need toxic people in your life.
 
Lewkat said:
Unfortunately, we reach an age where we are expected to step aside and retire as expected. With the advances in medicine and technology, we are living longer because we are healthier. Most companies back in the day had mandatory retirement rules and that was it.

Paperwork has been replaced by digitalization. Everything is done with a computer these days and rapidly. Like it or not, most folks at advanced age are really unable to keep up.

I am 93, a retired nurse, and am in reasonable health at the moment. I feel I could run any department in the hospital. Of course, I have accepted the fact that there is no way, by today's approach, not only to medicine, but businesses everywhere that I am delusional in this thinking.

Due to the lack of responses to your concerns in your case, you might possibly be able to speak with whoever is in charge and learn just where they think you fit in today. Perhaps a consulting position or teaching capacity is something all might consider.

I wish you the best, for I know how frustrating this can be when we still are able to function well.
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BACK!!!!!!

I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been here for 12 years yet haven’t posted much..
You’ve been offered some very helpful advice. I think having a general meeting and coming right out with the questions you wanted answered is the wisest thing to do. Write down all the questions you need to ask. Let them know that you’d appreciate their honesty.

Your life sounds amazing. I’ve always had a soft spot for horses. I hope you feel comfortable enough to share more about yourself in the near future.
 
I know more about computers than the board. My son is a tech and has taught me everything, including how to build a computer. I post our farm activities on our FB page so the digital world doesn't faze me. I have no problem handling our horses as I've been around Thoroughbreds for most of my life. There are only 3 of us who will handle a difficult horse and I'm one of them. I love the challenge.

The person in charge is a young woman of 27 who I've known since she was 12. Her mother was the founder of our rescue but she passed 8 years ago so she and I ran it with no problem until about a year ago.

We added a man to the board who brings absolutely no horse knowledge but is a "promoter". He has presented a different vision and goal for us. I've no problem with it. He directed our last fundraiser and he seems to think he's in charge of much more than his ability to direct funding. Our last fundraiser was held at night and I cannot drive at night. I didn't take part in the preparations for the event because they had enough people to help. I did, however, find a donor who matched the amount that the entire fundraiser took in. I felt this was my contribution to the event.

I'm having a belated Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday with the young woman in charge. It's at her house with her family. I'll talk to her then. Finding another group isn't possible. We are nationally known and there simply aren't any other farms in the area that do what we do. I'll keep you all posted on what happens.
 
I can't imagine them doing this if they didn't have a plan. There might be someone waiting in the wings. Talk to someone who is knowlegable on the outside and see if there might be another opportunity out there for you. I wish you the best.
 
I remember when they phased out my job. I was quite content with the arrangement, but then the company hired some experts to trim the fat from the total. My job just ended, and I had to find something similar right away. We had a 4 & 2 year old, and were in the middle of building the house I designed by a lake. I can't give you much helpful advice because only chaos Insued for me for several years. I hope you have better luck.
 
Welcome From BC Canada. I was first laid off at 51 years of age and then at age 60, talk about stress! And I had to work, I needed the money. At least at 85 years of age, it seems you have had a good run. I would not hold out much hope unless the young lady in charge (whom you really know well) has any real power over the whole group. Good luck to you.
 
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