Among Longtime Couples...Do You Switch Roles?

fureverywhere

fureverywhere

beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
Location
Northern NJ, USA
For folks who have been together for decades. Do you notice a change in temperaments? Maybe it's hormonal, maybe just knowing each other too well? The first ten or twenty years with hubby and I was the quiet mouse and he was Sonny Corleone. It hurt me because I didn't understand all the histrionics backed by love.

But now as he looks at sixty he is the quiet one. I've grown my gonads. Maybe just taking after my Mom who was outspoken her whole life. But it's amusing, tonight we had a disagreement and I had no problem telling him I was pissed. Then just as neatly I forgave him and changed the conversation. Age has it's wisdom ya know?
 

Well, we've been together for over 40 years and I can't see any real change in temperaments for either of us. We both got older and mellowed with age like a lot of folks do. Neither of us have ever been unusually loud or quiet, just regular I guess. Maybe you're taking on so much of the responsibilities lately that you're just cutting to the chase and letting him know what's what without wasting time or mincing words. Nice that you changed the conversation and moved on, life's too short to do otherwise with those we love.
 
I think we're the same in basic temperaments. Habits have changed some. He is accepting of a more vegetarian diet. (Probably mostly because he doesn't like to cook and I do.) I'm quieter. Mostly we're about the same but maybe more comfortable with what our basic values are. They've served us well.
 

My Husband and I recently celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. We met at 15yrs old. Up until my husband retired things were wonderful. Since he retired he is cranky and picks on a lot of things. I believe he is having difficulty realizing he is getting old. I think he feels worthless because he isn't as active as he used to be. It's a good thing he gets to do things with our Grandchildren. It makes him very happy when they need his help.
 
We have been together for 45 years. We are like a pair of comfortable old shoes. I did have a bit of a problem when he first retired. Having him underfoot all day was a challenge, but we got through it. I am a person who needs a lot of personal space and he knows it and lets me have time to myself. I don't go out, but have made my daughter's bedroom into my very own private retreat. I have everything I need in there to keep me happy for a few hours. I leave him alone in our little sitting room in front of the TV with his car races or whatever. It works for us. I just wish I could figure out how to keep him off the wet kitchen floor after I have moped it,same with the bathroom. It's like a magnet. Sort of like the don't touch sign on wet paint,which makes everyone do just the opposite.
 
We will celebrate our 52nd anniversary next Spring. We each have our "space"...I, my outdoor workshop, and she, her converted spare bedroom where she sews and quilts. We share the cooking and housekeeping, etc., so that I know how to survive should something happen to her, and she does some of the basic yard work in the Summer, so if something happens to me, she can keep the place presentable until it sells. We have common "likes" with family affairs and casino hopping, and just pretty much give each other plenty of space.
 
Don M. said:
We will celebrate our 52nd anniversary next Spring. We each have our "space"...I, my outdoor workshop, and she, her converted spare bedroom where she sews and quilts. We share the cooking and housekeeping, etc., so that I know how to survive should something happen to her, and she does some of the basic yard work in the Summer, so if something happens to me, she can keep the place presentable until it sells. We have common "likes" with family affairs and casino hopping, and just pretty much give each other plenty of space.
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Looks like you have a good system also Don. The one thing I'm going to have to be more involved in are the financial matters. I have left this up to the hubby,mainly because I am not good with numbers and actually hate anything to do with it. The hubby was an accountant so he just took it over, much to my relief. He is seven years older than I and I really need to take more of an active roll in this should anything happen. I guess that will be my New Years resolution.
 
Ruth n Jersey said:
Looks like you have a good system also Don. The one thing I'm going to have to be more involved in are the financial matters. I have left this up to the hubby,mainly because I am not good with numbers and actually hate anything to do with it. The hubby was an accountant so he just took it over, much to my relief. He is seven years older than I and I really need to take more of an active roll in this should anything happen. I guess that will be my New Years resolution.
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Finances are a Very Important part of retirement planning....probably equal to Healthcare. I keep everything in a file, regularly updated, and with all the appropriate contacts, etc. Like you, my wife rarely expresses any interest in the finances...expect spending money...but one of the daughters is a junior exec at a bank, and one of the granddaughters is a CPA. So, I keep them updated, and show them where everything is, and that way, should I "croak" the wife has two good people she can trust to help keep things in balance.
 
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