grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Quote:
"I should like to call the attention of parents to three points, in which they often transgress, often, I believe, from pure thoughtlessness.
(1) The habit of criticizing teachers before the children, or, still worse, allowing the children to sit in judgment of them. Love and reverence are the main elements of influence for good, and these can be destroyed in a moment by a few disparaging remarks. Under the present day school system, the home influence is stronger than formerly, for either good or evil. I remember gratefully my own mother's answer to a childish growl of mine, "Miss --- is so cross." "I dare say you are very provoking sometimes." Of course, the child's side has to be considered; but that will be done by quiet observation better than by questioning. For instance, when, after some months at school, it was clear that a master had not won the respect and affection of a little boy whose reports, both in work and conduct, were all that could be desired, I should have liked to remove him, because the want of personal influence was such an infinite loss to the child.
(2) Justice. -- In every large family there is sure to be one peculiar or domineering temper; instead of grappling with it, the parents too often make the others submit, preach family peace, "it takes two to make a quarrel," &c., instead of going into the right or wrong of the case. Children have a very strong sense of justice, and the justice in their little world ought to differ from that in the great world only by degree. Present peace is often too dearly purchased; the unchecked tempers often lead to life-long estrangement.
(3) The toleration or even encouragement of teasing. -- This is almost the only fault I should deal severely with in a child, because it has in it far more of the devil than many offences deemed more serious; it is the love of giving pain for its own sake; it asks no equivalent. This seems a hard saying, but it is true. Who does the teaser love to tease? Not the brother or sister who does not care or who can give it back, but the weak and sensitive and awkward, the temper and nerves most easily upset; stigmatise it as cruel and cowardly, and we shall soon have an end of it. Perhaps under the head of justice I ought to have mentioned the greater indulgence so often shown to the boys of a family. "Mamma is so much sooner angry with us than with the boys," said two dear little girls to me one evening. "Yes, she is," I answered, "but you see I cannot help it, what can't be cured must be endured. Your brothers will be exposed to more temptation than you, and this does not make it easier for them to keep straight; you must try and help them." I wish we could get the spirit of the noble American lady, a widow, with a large family, who said to me once, "I always told my boys -- 'I will not insult your manhood by allowing you a lower standard of morals or manners than I allow your sisters.'"
AO Parents' Review Archives AmblesideOnline.org
"I should like to call the attention of parents to three points, in which they often transgress, often, I believe, from pure thoughtlessness.
(1) The habit of criticizing teachers before the children, or, still worse, allowing the children to sit in judgment of them. Love and reverence are the main elements of influence for good, and these can be destroyed in a moment by a few disparaging remarks. Under the present day school system, the home influence is stronger than formerly, for either good or evil. I remember gratefully my own mother's answer to a childish growl of mine, "Miss --- is so cross." "I dare say you are very provoking sometimes." Of course, the child's side has to be considered; but that will be done by quiet observation better than by questioning. For instance, when, after some months at school, it was clear that a master had not won the respect and affection of a little boy whose reports, both in work and conduct, were all that could be desired, I should have liked to remove him, because the want of personal influence was such an infinite loss to the child.
(2) Justice. -- In every large family there is sure to be one peculiar or domineering temper; instead of grappling with it, the parents too often make the others submit, preach family peace, "it takes two to make a quarrel," &c., instead of going into the right or wrong of the case. Children have a very strong sense of justice, and the justice in their little world ought to differ from that in the great world only by degree. Present peace is often too dearly purchased; the unchecked tempers often lead to life-long estrangement.
(3) The toleration or even encouragement of teasing. -- This is almost the only fault I should deal severely with in a child, because it has in it far more of the devil than many offences deemed more serious; it is the love of giving pain for its own sake; it asks no equivalent. This seems a hard saying, but it is true. Who does the teaser love to tease? Not the brother or sister who does not care or who can give it back, but the weak and sensitive and awkward, the temper and nerves most easily upset; stigmatise it as cruel and cowardly, and we shall soon have an end of it. Perhaps under the head of justice I ought to have mentioned the greater indulgence so often shown to the boys of a family. "Mamma is so much sooner angry with us than with the boys," said two dear little girls to me one evening. "Yes, she is," I answered, "but you see I cannot help it, what can't be cured must be endured. Your brothers will be exposed to more temptation than you, and this does not make it easier for them to keep straight; you must try and help them." I wish we could get the spirit of the noble American lady, a widow, with a large family, who said to me once, "I always told my boys -- 'I will not insult your manhood by allowing you a lower standard of morals or manners than I allow your sisters.'"
AO Parents' Review Archives AmblesideOnline.org
