Anyone else here estranged from their family?

Paco Dennis said:
My son who will be 46 in about a week is being uncommunicative with me. It started a few years ago when he was injured and then went through a messy divorce. His life really changed after those events. He has never "remade" a natural relationship with me since. For the past few months he won't respond to text messages ( which is his preferred way of relating). I talked with his sister/ my daughter about him the other day. More bad news...a refrigerator fell on his leg/s. Nothing broke, but injured pretty bad.
I don't know if I should even text him Happy Birthday soon. Is it me not wanting to be ignored again? or will he think of me and want to begin talking again?
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I have a similar situation with my son who is 49 years old. He hasn't seen me or talked to me in many, many years. This was his choice, not mine. I get a text every once in a while but not very often. It's heartbreaking but I've learned to not dwell on it. I did the best I could raising him but he made his own choices/mistakes in life like we all do but he has never forgiven me for abandoning him when he was 23 years old when I went to CA with my late husband.

I would send him a Birthday text and leave it at that. The choice is his if he wants to pursue it. My blunt advice...move on with your life. I have.
 

I've found that I needed to hold my 2 older half-sisters at arm's length through the years. They have a tendency to need to dredge up unpleasant events from our childhood. We are all old now .. I'm the youngest, they are 79 and 85. Enough is enough.
 

MarkD said:
Have you offered to refrain from foisting gay marriage on him if he’ll keep his hateful religious version of marriage to himself?
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No, it just isn't worth the stress. And I actually never foist gay marriage on anyone. My partner and I have the same mundane life and issues that straight people have. We were actually together for 25 years before we chose to marry, and then it was only for health and tax purposes.

What is interesting is that the cousin I am close to came into town and asked me to have lunch with her mother, who has always been ultra-religious. I asked if I could bring my partner and she said of course. I grew up with this aunt but we've been estranged for many years because she is so religious. (It is her son that doesn't speak to me.)

She was actually very funny and gracious during lunch and invited me to stop by and visit with her whenever I have the chance. My personal life was never discussed, but my partner was there and I'm sure knows who he is. Seeing that we are both so "normal", so to speak, probably made her more comfortable. She is my last remaining aunt, through marriage, so it was great seeing that she is happy and healthy.
 
I could cope with estrangement from any members of my family eventually.. but I could never cope with that of my own offspring.. that would kill me,. I feel terrible for all you parents who are estranged from your children.
 
Paco Dennis said:
My son who will be 46 in about a week is being uncommunicative with me. It started a few years ago when he was injured and then went through a messy divorce. His life really changed after those events. He has never "remade" a natural relationship with me since. For the past few months he won't respond to text messages ( which is his preferred way of relating). I talked with his sister/ my daughter about him the other day. More bad news...a refrigerator fell on his leg/s. Nothing broke, but injured pretty bad.
I don't know if I should even text him Happy Birthday soon. Is it me not wanting to be ignored again? or will he think of me and want to begin talking again?
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Never give up on your kids- text him Happy Birthday. It kind of doesn't matter what his reaction is, does it? He's your kid and it's his birthday. Wish him a good one.
 
hollydolly said:
I could cope with estrangement from any members of my family eventually.. but I could never cope with that of my own offspring.. that would kill me,. I feel terrible for all you parents who are estranged from your children.
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We have two daughters and one we're estranged from and the other lives down the street from us. The estranged daughter broke up with us and her sister by text about five years ago. Just out of the blue, no fights, no issues that we knew of......

It was a very upsetting situation when it first happened and it took me a couple years to figure out how to not let her make my life miserable over it. But we're best friends with the brother of our daughters husband so we still hear a bit what is going on with them and to be honest, it worked out better for us that she's not part of our lives.

My own mom who still was talking to her, said today that she's going to learn to 'bite her tongue' because that daughter has such a hostile personality and we know that she's squatting with her husband and two kids on her in laws property. And that set of grandparents haven't seen the grandkids in a year even though the trailer they live on is only 300' away! So you know, sometimes estrangement is for the better.
 
OlderThanDirt said:
Never give up on your kids- text him Happy Birthday. It kind of doesn't matter what his reaction is, does it? He's your kid and it's his birthday. Wish him a good one.
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Sometimes giving up on them is actually saving yourself from a world of grief and hurt. Just because they're your child and you loved them when they were little, doesn't mean they become nice adults. Or people that you'd chose to have as a friend in your life.
 


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