Anyone else here estranged from their family?

That has happened many times to me and my families. There is a quote from the past that I like.
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
— Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim", 1969
 
Lawrence said:
That has happened many times to me and my families. There is a quote from the past that I like.
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
— Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim", 1969
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I need to send that to my siblings...
 
My father abandoned my Mother and I shortly after my birth. When I tried to establish contact with him in my late 20's he denied even knowing who I was. I guess that is estrangement.

Frankly, he was a total SOB so I lost nothing by never meeting the jerk.
 
My sister took her two kids all the way across country and disappeared. It devastated my parents. She had a drug problem.
Her kids slowly started reaching out as they got older and finally she did after 20 or so years..
One of my other sisters reached out and paid her and her grandsons way to come out and stay. She had cancer and died shortly after but we all got to say goodbye.
 
I am without family with the exception of 1 cousin, which I call my niece. I have told this story several times, but here goes again. My parents were killed when I was 9 years old. I was never told the whole story about what all went on, but the big thing was my dad's brother (my uncle) who said "What are we going to do with the kid?" No one wanted another kid and mouth to feed, especially a boy.

My uncle suggested "What about an orphanage?" I wasn't there, but Grandma told me that Gramps stood up and said, "Hell no. We will take him and raise him." Grandma said they went to a lawyer and instead of adoption papers, they went for Guardianship, even though there were no living parents. After the judge heard their story, his concern was not their age, but my Gramps' health. He made him get a complete physical and a signed letter from the doctor stating that his health was satisfactory and no ailments were found at that time. The Judge then approved the request. I remember Grandma saying to me, "Your Gramps must have really been upset. That's the only time he said "Hell."
 
Been There said:
I am without family with the exception of 1 cousin, which I call my niece. I have told this story several times, but here goes again. My parents were killed when I was 9 years old. I was never told the whole story about what all went on, but the big thing was my dad's brother (my uncle) who said "What are we going to do with the kid?" No one wanted another kid and mouth to feed, especially a boy.

My uncle suggested "What about an orphanage?" I wasn't there, but Grandma told me that Gramps stood up and said, "Hell no. We will take him and raise him." Grandma said they went to a lawyer and instead of adoption papers, they went for Guardianship, even though there were no living parents. After the judge heard their story, his concern was not their age, but my Gramps' health. He made him get a complete physical and a signed letter from the doctor stating that his health was satisfactory and no ailments were found at that time. The Judge then approved the request. I remember Grandma saying to me, "Your Gramps must have really been upset. That's the only time he said "Hell."
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Thank you for sharing that. I do appreciate it. We Marines have to stick together! Yes, I'm a BAM. For those of you who don't know, that stands for Beautiful American Marine. despite what Been There may tell you!😉
 
Llynn said:
My father abandoned my Mother and I shortly after my birth. When I tried to establish contact with him in my late 20's he denied even knowing who I was. I guess that is estrangement.

Frankly, he was a total SOB so I lost nothing by never meeting the jerk.
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That's not estrangement. That is abandonment and a deadbeat POS. I bombed twice in the father department. I know how hard it is.
 
It's complicated situation for many. If someone was raised with abuse, they may go no contact when adults. In many cases, it might be the right thing to do. If I could do my life over again, I would have.

There are many circumstances as to why family stops communicating or talking. Sometimes forgive and forget doesn't work when it means putting up with continued abuse, gaslighting, blame and non support.

Sometimes people can be isolated from good family by a diabolical partner.

Families can still be close even scattered across the globe. Especially with today's technology. It just depends.

I haven't spoken to my oldest brother since I was 24. I'd like to send him a brief letter and tell him why. Probably futile. I put up with my stepfather. When he is gone, I'm going no contact with my other brother because he is verbally abusive.
 
I was very fortunate when my Grandparents raised me. I remember when I would visit them with my parents, I would hang around Gramps and he would always find something for me to do. When I went to live with them from day 1, he gave me a small list that he said I should be able to do without any help. He said to just try it and if you need help, come get me. The chores were easy, but not necessarily all were fun, like cleaning out the henhouse. I don't know what it is about chicken poop, but it always burned my eyes.

I liked working on the equipment, which is what we did in the winter. Gramps even taught me how to use the welder. My favorite job was feeding the animals. You are their best friend during feeding time. They got me a dog at Christmas. Gramps said every boy needs a dog on the farm. The dog slept inside during the winter, mostly in my room, but she always wanted to be outside, so in the summer, if there was no bad weather, I would chain her to the doghouse. I didn't have the best of everything, but I did have what most of the other kids had.

I had a good childhood.
 
i walked away from siblings and told my mother i would visit and stay connected as long as she did not talk all about them.

3 siblings all with substance abuse problems and zero accountability
It always confused me as we were raised in same household.... same examples and such found out much later mom had some issues i never saw
i did not want my kids exposed to them especially through teen years ........... age about 10 when i walked away....
had to limit contact to MOM as she was always "you should help your siblings .... they are not as lucky as you" .... you should mentor them ( they were older then me)
MOM would tell me things like the car i bought was garbage... then tell my sister if she was smart she would buy one like mine that was a dependable car....etc always pitting us against each other.

they all act like they never knew why because literally nothing as been their fault ....... they all think life is about luck ....not work or making good choices. they must have told their kids things as when i have shown up for funerals etc they stare at me like I am a martian.

their kids all followed into a life of substance abuse and poor choices so ..... i hope none ever reach out for "help"
 
Where I live it is all about family. I think, blah, let the kids go on to make their own mistakes. Same with siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins. Nice to see my sons and the grandchildren once a month, but Lord if I lived with or even near them I'd go nuts. Their in-laws are loud, overbearing, and judgmental. They can't live without one another and have regularly scheduled events. I go to the grandchildren's birthday parties that is it.
It's pretty bad when my youngest son and his wife are thankful the kids were sick over Easter because they had a peaceful holiday at home for once. I had to go to my husband's family reunion every year. It was like a high holy day for him. For me it was three hours of let me out of here. Family was nice growing up but get on with your life already. Just sayin'. I'd rather have strangers care for me when I become infirm. People who are paid to do it. Family is fickle, overwhelming and sometimes cruel because they think they know you and have the right to point out your faults. I have family I don't care if I ever see again. Some I hope let me alone. Then there are those I visit because, well I'm not a total grinch. Don't particularly like being there, two hours is my limit, but it's what you're supposed to do right? Ugh.
 
Been There said:
I don't know what it is about chicken poop, but it always burned my eyes.
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Well now there's something I've never heard anyone say before! 🤭 I stayed with my grandparents on their farm overnight sometimes and I hated that stuff... never got close enough to see if it would burn my eyes or not because I was VERY careful not to get near it or... horror of horrors, STEP in it!
 
Just my father's side. I was too young to have any clear-cut memories other than to realize there was some trouble between my dad and his mom. He rented an upstairs apartment from his parents in a 3-family house where we lived then. It ended up with my grandparents moving out and we moved into the downstairs flat that had more room. Then my dad rented out the two upstairs apartments.
 
Been There said:
I am without family with the exception of 1 cousin, which I call my niece. I have told this story several times, but here goes again. My parents were killed when I was 9 years old. I was never told the whole story about what all went on, but the big thing was my dad's brother (my uncle) who said "What are we going to do with the kid?" No one wanted another kid and mouth to feed, especially a boy.

My uncle suggested "What about an orphanage?" I wasn't there, but Grandma told me that Gramps stood up and said, "Hell no. We will take him and raise him." Grandma said they went to a lawyer and instead of adoption papers, they went for Guardianship, even though there were no living parents. After the judge heard their story, his concern was not their age, but my Gramps' health. He made him get a complete physical and a signed letter from the doctor stating that his health was satisfactory and no ailments were found at that time. The Judge then approved the request. I remember Grandma saying to me, "Your Gramps must have really been upset. That's the only time he said "Hell."
Click to expand...
I wish you had not been told what your uncle said, I hope he was an in-law..
 
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