Anyone Worry What Will Become Of Them?

[Knight]

What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....?

Ice cream, pizza, a good steak, nothing to do & a lot of other things in life are enjoyable. Want to really think about enjoying life?

Take a trip to the crippled children's hospital in Hershey Pa. If you are lucky enough to see kids with legs so deformed they can't walk wheeling themselves around in wheel chairs laughing and playing wheel chair tag. That just might make you appreciate the joy of walking to your refrigerator to get some food that you didn't have to grow.

 

[Knight]

I took this thread to mean what will become of a child that needs care because they for whatever reason can't fully function in society by themselves.

I think like most that was a worry for my wife & me when each son was born. Thankfully we don't have that to worry about. We know people that do & their lives are not easy to relate to.

 

[Remy]

Remi, you live in California and the real estate there is crazy high. Can you move to another state and take your dad with you where rent is inexpensive and find an "Active 55+ Community". You need to build a "family" of supportive friends where there are clubs to join and activities always planned like Bus trips, hiking, playing cards like Bridge, Chess, Birdwatching, walks, dancing, luncheons, crafts...etc

Arizona isn't far. It's pretty hot in the summer but it's dry so good for arthritis and why a lot of retirees like it there. But you go out for walks in the mornings, then stay indoors and do floor exercises, entertain friends, read, TV, etc, Most communities have a pool. Taxes are low.

I wish I could look into other areas to move to. No I wouldn't move and take my stepfather with me. He has his mobile in a park. He's not going to move. He is old age weird and I don't like to be around him much. I think part of the problem is he also put up with my mother's abuse for so long. She made every decision (and when she made one she didn't like she blamed him, she did it to me also) He has issues with that now that she is gone. Like he started sending a bunch of donation checks etc.

I have zero support. My brother is terrible. He twisted things I said to him and stated lies to my stepfather. He's a sick individual. He has zero responsibility regarding our stepfather, knows it, but actually uses my responsibility against me. I can't endure him.

 

[Remy]

I'm "lucky" in that I own my house outright. No monthly payments. I'm 63 and live alone as I always have. I get a small SS check every month but it's more than enough to support myself on. My guess is that I will die inside this house and nobody will know unless/until the smell drifts outside, which it might because I leave my windows open most of the year.

My biggest worry is that I might still have a cat when I go and I'd hate for the poor thing to starve. If that happens, I hope that my corpse can be a source of food for him/her.

Other than that, my main worry is what will happen to a lifetime of stuff I've collected and the money I have in the bank.

I just read something online this morning about setting up an annuity and leaving it in my will to the Humane Society of the United States. Supposed to be a good charity with over 70% of donations going directly to the care of animals. Think I'll look into that.

As far as going into a nursing home is concerned, I learned from the experience of both my parents that one of the most important things you can do to stay independent and in your own home, is to....

EXERCISE YOUR LEGS!!!!

A LOT!!!!!

As soon as your legs go and you can't stand up and move around on your own anymore, that's the end of it. It's into the nursing home you go.

For the past several months, I've been trying to walk for an hour every day. I think I cover about a mile and a half or so.

I think as long as I keep that up, I should hopefully remain pretty healthy and able to stay out of the old folks dump.

OTOH, I'm not even too worried about that. I think I'd have a fairly good time in a nursing home as long as I had my wits about me.

I might even make some friends for the first time in years.

At least I wouldn't be alone all the time like I am now....

So basically, I'm not too worried about what will become of me.

I know I'll be dead eventually anyway, like everyone else.

I'm just hoping there is some kind of reasonably pleasant afterlife.

Had I kept the house I bought in 2001, I probably could have it paid off by now. But I needed to get out of it. It was also in a mandatory evacuation zone last fall but the area didn't burn. Stress I could do without.

I certainly understand the low income housing suggestion and appreciate all the replies I got. I'm worried about pet restrictions however and my savings could be a hindrance, in fact I think it would be.

I still wish I could look at other areas other than the town I'm in. I always worried about my mother in her old age, but my stepfather took care of her in her last year. Now I'm stuck with him and never saw it coming.

 

[officerripley]

Remy, my heart goes out to you; I wish I could wave a magic wand and makes things better for you.

 

[Jim W.]

Some will choose that because they are not trying hard enough. But its not even hard, many our age shoot too much opportunities down in their life. We can't be too picky, we can't expect perfection.

Ice cream, pizza, a good steak, nothing to do & a lot of other things in life are enjoyable. Want to really think about enjoying life?

Take a trip to the crippled children's hospital in Hershey Pa. If you are lucky enough to see kids with legs so deformed they can't walk wheeling themselves around in wheel chairs laughing and playing wheel chair tag. That just might make you appreciate the joy of walking to your refrigerator to get some food that you didn't have to grow.

Well, it's easy to generalize about others but none of us know each other's reality or life circumstances.

You can assume I just didn't try hard enough or I'm not being grateful for the things I have, but I could say to you all.... "Sure, that's an easy thing to say for those who've been happily married for years and have their spouse/significant other in the next room watching TV or reading, etc".

But I don't know any of you, so I'd just be assuming.

As for ice cream, pizza and steak... all foods I cannot indulge in due to Type 2 Diabetes (under control because I stay away from those foods) and high blood pressure, which requires I keep the sodium to a minimum. But even if I could eat all those things, so what? That would be no substitute for love and companionship.

I've spent my life counting my blessings and you know what? I'm sick of it. I'm tired of pretending life's crumbs are a three layer birthday cake. Screw it.

And as for seeing physically handicapped children, I have not only seen my share, but worked with them as a volunteer teacher's assistant at a local elementary school that has a special unit designed specifically for small children who were born with everything from spinal defects, to deformed extremities to deafness and blindness. Seen them and felt sympathy for them. Counted my blessings. "There but for...." etc, etc.

But just because life or God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whoever/whatever it was, decided to crap on their lives even worse than he crapped on the lives of me and others like me, is no reason why I cannot or should not be pissed off over other people being allowed to have the things I was denied.

And understand... I'm not talking about wealth or material junk. I have never had a desire for any of that.

All I've ever wanted in life was love and companionship. To have met a nice, average young girl when I was young enough to have enjoyed life with a girl like that as a spouse. Having a decent paying job. Buying a decent, regular middle class home. Starting a nice little family. Having some good friends and building a regular, everyday life like most people do.

All things, aside from a decent paying job, which I had, I was denied.

So my attitude has changed from "Well at least I've got....." to.... "Screw it."

Sure, I might have a paid off house and car and money in the bank, but I live in that house alone and everywhere I go in my car, I go alone, as I have done for the past 40 years.

So in reality, in that sense, I have nothing.

Am I feeling sorry for myself?

Maybe just a little bit.

But so what? I feel I'm entitled to.

Mainly I'm just pissed off and disgusted.

BTW.... it wasn't always this way. When I was young, I dated a lot and always had nice girlfriends.

For whatever reason, after college, I just stopped being able to meet people and the ones I met, were always people I just had nothing in common with.

Why?

Never have figured that out.

Crappy luck, I guess.

Or, a case of life gave me nothing to enjoy, as I queried about in an earlier post.

 

[Lara]

@Remy Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want (even though I understand you want to be in the vicinity of your step-father). You can keep your cats! No rules. No fees.

You can take day trips, weekend trips, week-long trips...save on rent!! Maybe do some online research with so many inspiring Youtube stories of happy tiny-house owners. You can probably also afford a little piece of land to put your Tiny House on...or have your stepfather buy it since you're his caretaker and he has the money! He's giving it all away you said but he needs it to take care of himself at this time in his life.

Does your step-father need home care 24/7? If so, sounds like he has enough money to have someone take your place until you return from your short (or long) excursions.

 

[officerripley]

@Remy Does your brother live near you? You need to be far far far away from him.

Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want...even though I understand you want to be in the vacinity of your step-father.

But you can take day trips, weekend trips, week-long trips...save on rent!! Maybe do some online research with so many inspiring Youtube stories of happy tiny-house owners.

Does your step-father need home care 24/7? If so, sounds like he has enough money to have someone take your place until you return from your short excursions.

Good suggestions. However, the last one, hiring someone to come in and take care of someone, I've known so many, many people at least a dozen, who tried that and the person they were caring for had the angry form of Alzheimers and would literally try to assault (and in a couple of cases, succeeded) the hired carer. One co-worker caring for her Alzheimers-affected mother and had tried the hired carers with that result, tried having a long-time friend (a friend whom the mother had always thought of as a "second daughter") come stay with the mother while the daughter went to the store. But nope: luckily the daughter was just getting into her car when here came running out of the house the poor friend (whom the mother had seemed to remember just fine 5 min. earlier) with the mother chasing her with a butcher knife. The daughter told the mother she had to run to the store for a min., will you be okay here with girlfriend; the mother said sure, that's fine but the friend said that about 30 sec. after daughter walks out of the house, mother gets a funny look in her eyes, looks at friend and screams "Who the hell are you and how'd you get in my house?!", picked up the knife & chased her out.

So caring for someone even when there's plenty of $$ (and here in the U.S., usually there isn't) is nowhere near being easy.

 

[Murrmurr]

Had I kept the house I bought in 2001, I probably could have it paid off by now. But I needed to get out of it. It was also in a mandatory evacuation zone last fall but the area didn't burn. Stress I could do without.

I certainly understand the low income housing suggestion and appreciate all the replies I got. I'm worried about pet restrictions however and my savings could be a hindrance, in fact I think it would be.

I still wish I could look at other areas other than the town I'm in. I always worried about my mother in her old age, but my stepfather took care of her in her last year. Now I'm stuck with him and never saw it coming.

Most low income housing for seniors (over 50) allow "companion pets". They have strict rules about keeping the pet leashed and cleaning up its feces, but I assume that's no biggie.

Senior housing does have a limit on the amount in your savings account, IRAs, CDs, etc, but the max amount is pretty generous if your accounts are shared; in two people's names. It'd be cool if you could put your stepfather's name on your account without your brother finding out. In any case, there are work-arounds for the financial obstacles.

The biggest problem is the waiting list. I only had to wait 6 months, but I think that's because my son and daughter are military veterans, so I got moved up the list. Most people have to wait 1 to 3 years.

The organization I got housed through is here https://www.mutualhousing.org

 

[Aneeda72]

I took this thread to mean what will become of a child that needs care because they for whatever reason can't fully function in society by themselves.

I think like most that was a worry for my wife & me when each son was born. Thankfully we don't have that to worry about. We know people that do & their lives are not easy to relate to.

Depends on where you live. In my area you had to sign up for group home care when the child was 2 years old, which I did. My totally disabled son entered his group home when he was 18. He was a good deal taller than I am and had a serious accident.

He was in his hospital bed, the old crank up kind. He managed to roll over, fall between the mattress and the bed railing, and thank GOD I heard him scream. His body passed below the railing, his head could not. He was hanging my his neck, strangling.

I could not lift him or extract him from the situation. I was able to squeeze my body under his so he would not continue to hang and choke to death. We had taught our son, with DS, to call 911, which he did. And I screamed and screamed and screamed. (No cell phone days.)

Shortly after that he entered a group home under emergency care situation. Otherwise he would have been home longer. Our son with DS was home until he turned 22. I used to know people with 30 year old children who were still waiting for placements. The wait for housing assistance, with our DS sons rent, was 10 years.

 

[Ladybj]

No. I am 61 years young. I am enjoying life one day at a time. Sure, I have challenging days but I am grateful and blessed. As one of the other post stated as long as we have food, shelter - we have all that we need. I try not to dwell on the "what if" - I'm learning to live in the present moment. My heart goes out to those that have no support, family, friends, etc.. But this is a great site for support. I have come across valuable information.

 

[Remy]

@Remy Have you thought about buying or renting a "Tiny House"? You can quickly and easily leave when fires cause evacuations. You can go wherever you want (even though I understand you want to be in the vicinity of your step-father). You can keep your cats! No rules. No fees.

You can take day trips, weekend trips, week-long trips...save on rent!! Maybe do some online research with so many inspiring Youtube stories of happy tiny-house owners. You can probably also afford a little piece of land to put your Tiny House on...or have your stepfather buy it since you're his caretaker and he has the money! He's giving it all away you said but he needs it to take care of himself at this time in his life.

Does your step-father need home care 24/7? If so, sounds like he has enough money to have someone take your place until you return from your short (or long) excursions.

One area that had many houses burn to the ground has those lots for sale. Once they were cleaned and cleared. That area is still high fire danger IMO though I was looking at some lots online. Someone I work with who lives in the area swears someone bought the lot next to them (her house didn't burn) and is going to grow pot on it. I don't know where she got her info but she's convinced.

So that area concerns me. It's an idea. I wish they had more tiny house communities. Also no new mobile parks are going up and too many of those burned down. They are building apartments and expensive houses however. So it's rent or have plenty of money. Nothing in-between.

 

[Jules]

Tiny homes aren’t designed to be easily moved. Nor are mobile homes. If you felt confident enough to drive an RV, you could consider that. There’s still lots of maintenance.

Why do you feel that you must look after your stepfather? How many more years might he go on like this? I know there’s no definite answer, just guessing based on his age and health. Does he have anyone as his POA? If he runs out of money because he gave it all away, will you have to support him? Maybe someone/you needs to take over his affairs.