Anything Scottish, just for fun!

Tourist: “I’m sorry, waiter, but I only have enough money for the bill. I have nothing left for a tip.”
Highland Waiter: “Let me add up that bill again sir.”
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Sandy became depressed and decided to end it all by hanging himself.
However, his friend Donald came along in the nick of time, cut the rope and saved his life.
Sandy, true to form, sent Donald a bill for the cost of the rope.
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Donald: “Have you ever seen one of those new machines that can tell when a person is telling a lie?”
Sandy: “Seen one? I married one!”
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A teacher is asking the children in class about their ambitions in life and to tell the class in a rhyme.

The class favourite puts up his hand,
  • Miss, “My name is Dan, and when I’m a man, --- I would like to go to China and Japan”….
”Very good Dan” comments the teacher.
“Miss” cries out the class beauty,
  • “My name is Mary Grady. --- When I become a lady, I would like to have a baby, maybe”….
“Very good Mary..anyone else?”

The wee Govan Terror at the back of the class stands up
  • “Haw Miss, my name is also Dan, --- bugger China and Japan, --- If Mary Grady wants a baby……Dan’s yir bliddy man!!!”
 
Scottish Aye
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The Polar Opposite Haggis is said to emerge only under the rarest cosmic alignments, when its lifelong craving for the Milky Way becomes too strong to resist, no not the chocolate, but the galaxy itself.

To witness Scotland’s night sky in all its glory and capture this cosmically elusive species in the same photo? The odds are astronomical. In fact, some are already calling it a first for wildlife photography, and a contender for National Haggeographics’ Photo of the Year.

An image like this is more than rare, it’s truly out of this world
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