Approaching a sensitive subject

Nathan

Nathan

SF VIP
Location
High Desert- Calif.
A lady friend's(just friends) recently took her husband to learn the results of a lung biopsy, as a result of a CT scan for lung cancer / mesothelioma. I am concerned, and yes, curious...but am hesitant to call or text...and unsure of what to say, as the test results have a high probability of reporting a grim prognosis.

I feel like a teenager asking advice from Dear Abby, but here I am, throwing it out to you folks.
 

A friend would probably welcome a follow up call to enquire how she and her husband are doing. Then just listen. She might want to get things off her chest.

My sister's husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, inoperable, a couple of years ago. Although the diagnosis sounded grim the treatment was successful and his cancer has been shrunk to just about nothing. He is in remission now.

Your friend, either way, might be glad if you offer her your moral support at a very challenging time. We all need companions on the journey of life.
 
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Address the lady by her first name, then say: "Much as I am hoping (praying if you are of a religious kind) for a good biopsy, the not knowing preys on my mind. You and (his first name) are in my thoughts. Please, if you are able to, let me know the the result of the CT scan.
Here, if you need me.
Love, as always,
(your first name.)
 
I agree 100% with Warrigal. I've been in this situation and I did call the friend's wife, and she did spill her guts, and she seemed grateful for the opportunity to do so. Sadly, the friend, her husband, didn't want me to go see him. He was a terrible sight, he said. But we talked on the phone and he died a few weeks later.
 
If you are able to, Nathan, I would call and ask something very general, such as how they are both doing,
or even make a simple statement, on the phone or by note, that you are thinking of them.

I would not ask for any specific feedback, but let them decide what they want to share with you, how much, and when.

But let them know you are thinking of them or keeping them in your thoughts and/or prayers.
 
When my brother had mesothelioma he was hospitalized in fatal condition (50 tumors). We carried on like it was not there. We went outside to smoke a cigarette then I wheeled him back inside. Later, I visited him at his home and again we just shot the bull. I flew to California on a work assignment that day and two days later he died.
 
If she's a good friend and you call or text her often, I wouldn't hesitate to contact her and ask about her husband. I think a call would be more personal and appropriate over a text. Hoping for the best.
 
fmdog44 said:
When my brother had mesothelioma he was hospitalized in fatal condition (50 tumors). We carried on like it was not there. We went outside to smoke a cigarette then I wheeled him back inside. Later, I visited him at his home and again we just shot the bull. I flew to California on a work assignment that day and two days later he died.
Click to expand...
My condolences for your loss fmdog.
 
When my husband had a MRI and the results were grim (Brain Glioblastoma), it was a touchy situation with him. He didnā€™t want anyone to know. He took out all his anger and frustration on me.šŸ˜¬. Then, two weeks later he started telling everyone.

If I were you, wait a little while. They will come around.
 
Perhaps text first. Start with something like, 'I've been thinking of both of you...any news.' I think it would be accepted as only kindness by the recipient and they may want to talk further.
 

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