The Pathological Critic
The Pathological Critic
defined:
Negative self talk that attacks and judges you
We all have him or her but people with depression, low self esteem have a more vicious and vocal pathological critic. I call mine Melinoe or meli.. it means Dark Mind (melas,noos), Propitiating Mind (meilia, noos) I am a huge fan of mythos, and patheons of the old world. Thus my online name Arachne and my critics name.
What might yours do, you may ask? For we as humans all know it. Us with depression struggle with it daily. I sometimes think although we struggle perhaps we are the enlightened ones. We recognize this demon within, while the so called regulars just push it away.
* it blames you for things that go wrong.
*It compares you with others, e.g. achievements and abilities
*It sets up impossible standards of perfection and then beats you up for small mistakes.
*It keeps records of failures
*It disregards strengths or accomplishments
*It calls you names, e.g. stupid, incompetent, ugly, fat
*My meli reads others minds and convinces me of what they are thinking
*It exaggerates weaknesses, e.g. she berates me for
always saying stupid things,
always screw up relationships,
never finishing anything on time
* Your critics voice can be male or female, your mother's or father's, husband or wife's and even your own.
*The critic's voice is almost
always believed no matter how negative, distorted or false.
*It puts your self esteem through the wringer
*The critic is always with you- judging, blaming, finding fault.
For me melione has weapons at her disposal which are my values and rules of living how I grew up. Perhaps you are the same? The more rigid and fixed your values and beliefs are, the more the critic can use em against you. There is no room for flexibility or mistakes.
E.G. " A marriage should last forever" calls you a failure after divorce.
" A real man supports his family " calls you a loser when you are laid off.
" The kids come first" calls you selfish when you want a night off to do something for yourself. This was huge for me when my kids were growing and even today as they journey into their 30's marry, buy houses etc I feel I am not entitled to live my own life.
So I asked my shrink where does this critic come from... his reply. " The critic is born in childhood from the earliest memories of socialization with our caregivers."
* insert quizzical look from curly haired blonde here..
"D we are taught appropriate behavior through hugs and praises. We are taught inappropriate behavior through punishment and scoldings. Thus my dear we inherit values, beliefs and ideas which may be irrational."
hmm I sure know that last Sunday my Meli was up to her old tricks. Her voice in that case was deep and accented in a form of my demon. The battle will go back and forth and one day there will be no battle at all for D would have won and melione will be sent back into the Hades she emerged from. You can also bet I will not be giving her any coins to pay the ferry man ..
Blessed be
