As We Age, Death Gets Closer

How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?

I'm not afraid of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.

I'm not worried about who will be left behind, except for my foster nephew, formerly my foster son. He's only 3. I'm very much involved in his life, and he needs me in it. I hope I stay until he's old enough to know what death is. My wife understands that she will likely outlive me, but she'll be all set, so no worries there, either.

Everyone else - kids and grandkids - are grown or old enough that I'm not needed.
 
Murrmurr said:
How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?

I'm not afraid of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.

I'm not worried about who will be left behind, except for my foster nephew, formerly my foster son. He's only 3. I'm very much involved in his life, and he needs me in it. I hope I stay until he's old enough to know what death is. My wife understands that she will likely outlive me, but she'll be all set, so no worries there, either.

Everyone else - kids and grandkids - are grown or old enough that I'm not needed.
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I feel much the same and I'm 75. My grandson turns 13 in December. When he was born my son Owen, his dad, informed me "You have to live to see him graduate High School at least." I promised to do my best.

As for last sentence: Just because one is no longer needed, doesn't mean one isn't wanted, and won't be missed when they/we transition.
 

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We, too, are getting up in years. We are in fairly good shape, but that could change at any time. We are concerned about not leaving a big mess for the kids when we pass. We have done all the paperwork....trusts, wills, etc., and are starting to downsize some of our stuff. If we live as long as our parents did, we still have a few more good years....knock wood....but we know our day is coming. In the interim, we just try to enjoy every day, and try to plan a bit for the future.
 
Mitch86 said:
As we age death gets closer and closer. How do we face it's certainty. I'm 86 and realize I've outlived my dad, my grandfather and all my friends. How should we face the inevitable? I never thought I would get this old.
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Deaths certainty is a fact, not knowing when or how is the gift we have. Best we can do is be happy we see our reflection in the mirror when we get up & then enjoy what we can until we can't.
 
Murrmurr said:
That won't stop me from relaxing and "giving up the ghost", though.
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Oh, i get that, my best friend from high school has had several strokes in recent years and now cancer. She is 2 1/2 months younger than me, has decided no surgery or chemo and has moved into a hospice care facility, because the strokes are effecting her ability to speak what she is thinking, she's decided to let go. I told her i understand completely, i've had that talk with my kids about when to let me go. But it stills hurts i won't get to see her in person again and i will miss her.

Learned a long time ago that life is full such ambivalence, full of bittersweet moments of varying emotions at the same time.
 
I'm with Murrmurr. I'm 86 & I give thanks every morning to God for another day. I lost my wife 6+ years ago to cancer. G.K's are all grown. It's just me & my little dog Rosie here now. We are trying to see who will outlive the other as she is 10+ years old. Beagle Terrier mix.
When the good Lord calls me I'll be ready.

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My mother was 93 when she was diagnosed with fast-acting pancreatic cancer. She was given 5 months if she chose not to have treatment. She chose no treatment. The entire 5 months was so very peaceful and she looked beautiful. She would sometimes smile and say, "I can't wait to be in Jesus arms".

She took meds in the last month and it wasn't until about 3 days before her passing that she whispered she had some pain. Hospice upped her dosage and she was pain-free and clear-headed. Her mind was very sharp right to the end. Again she said, I can't wait to be in Jesus arms. And that was it. I know not everyone has a peaceful experience while waiting but I couldn't help but share this.

I feel the same way she did...just like the video I shared in post 6.
 
I will soon be 75.

My youngest son with DS has finally progressed to the point where he no longer “NEEDS” me. It’s such a relief. I can now die without the horrific feeling that I will be “abandoning”him; and without feeling I have to “fight“ to stay alive.

With that in mind, and a firm belief in the hereafter, I am not afraid of death, never have been afraid for myself. I am DNR/DNI. “When the roll is called-I’ll be there.” 😍
 
I agree with understanding when someone decides to let go; while that's not for everyone, in some situations, I'd feel the same. In fact sometimes I feel irritated by Dylan Thomas' poem, Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night ("Do not go gentle into that good night; Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light."); from first-hand experience taking care of 5 altogether over the years elderly parents, some of whom weren't going gentle, my feeling is, "Oh by all means, don't go gentle, go ahead and rage; sure, make the life of everyone around you a living hell; thanks, Mr. Thomas, thanks a lot.
 
Lara,
My wife also died from Pancreatic cancer slow kind. But, she kept telling the Dr's she wanted to see our G.S. graduate 6th grade.
She made it as I had to take her in a travel chair as to many kids running around. I didn't want her knocked over with her 4 wheel walker.
She saw him walk across the stage, had brunch in the cafeteria with him. We rushed her to the hospital the next day, where the Drs said she only had 3 or 4 weeks to live. Went into Hospice that day, got down to 10 days she went into a coma & was moaning, the daily nurse told me to up her Morphine to 4 ml every 2 hrs to keep the pain down. She never came out of the coma but went peacefully at 1:30 am in morning. I called the nurse & she came right over & said yes she had passed. She signed all the paperwork & the funeral people came to get her. We had both already pre-paid for our cremations & everything.
 
I can't "give up the ghost" yet. My wife and our dog need me.

Plus I need to get rid of a lot of crap before I go. I have far too many guitars, among other things. And I need to sell our Accord since we no longer need two vehicles, but I just don't feel like dealing with prospective buyers. Guitars can be sold online and shipped, but car buyers want to test drive and socialize, and haggle... and there's transferring the title. I sold a car about 20 years ago to some kid who never registered it in his name. I made the mistake of leaving my plates on it. He got a bunch of parking tickets and the city wanted me to pay them. It was a hassle trying to convince the city that I sold the car. I'll never leave plates on a vehicle again when I sell it. Maybe I'll just trade in both our vehicles on a newer SUV.
 
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Thank you for sharing your story, @Tom 86 . How special that was for her to be able to hold on until she saw her grandson graduate. And now you have your little dog Rosie to give you joy and love. Dogs are so healing. You have much to be grateful for. You and Rosie have a purpose. Take care of one another. Give her a hug for me 🤗
 
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Nathan said:
Well I have to say up-front that I do not want to die any time soon. But, I do understand that a person has no control over that. I have this mindset that keeps me thinking that I'm still in my mid 40s. Kinda weird, but gosh the past 25 years zipped by like it was only a month!
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Same here, I feel like I'm still in my early 40s... that is, until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Aak! What the hell happened to my hair?!!

My 50s were fairly productive, so that decade seems long when I look back.
 
I'm not afraid of death but I am afraid of dying.

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"Lord, I want to go to heaven, but I don't want to go tonight ..." -
 
Murrmurr said:
How do we prepare mentally and emotionally?

I'm not afraid of death. I don't think about it much, but I'm only 66; closer than I've ever been, but not as close as I will be going forward.

I'm not worried about who will be left behind, except for my foster nephew, formerly my foster son. He's only 3. I'm very much involved in his life, and he needs me in it. I hope I stay until he's old enough to know what death is. My wife understands that she will likely outlive me, but she'll be all set, so no worries there, either.

Everyone else - kids and grandkids - are grown or old enough that I'm not needed.
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I do not fear death either and I am approaching 79 years. I am no longer necessary to my children, grandchildren and now my great grandson who hardly knows me because of social isolation and lockdowns since he was born nearly 2 years ago. However, I am still very much needed as am important presence in their lives. I know that when I eventually die I will be mourned and I will be remembered. In the meantime I an encourager, a source of unconditional love and a presence at all of the rites of passage and special occasions, just as my mother and her sister were and as my dear mother in law was. These things are important in a family I sense that you are an important part of your family.

Do not deny your mortality but do not dwell on it too much. Live now and count your blessings past and present. Let the future unfold as it should.

Peace, love and respect to you, Murrmurr, you wonderful man.
 
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