Aspects of Death and Dying-Warning-May be Distasteful

[debbie in seattle]

Being actively involved with watching my husband dying due to cancer, for both of us it is the fear of the unknown and my husband doesn't want to suffer in pain nor be drugged up and hooked to a machine. Talk is cheap and easy until it is looking you in the face.

 

[chic]

Death bothers me terribly, in part because I've seen too much of it. I think we, as humans, have a terrible burden to bear lifelong knowing that one day we will die. This is a sorrow animals are spared. The teenaged daughter of a friend was struck by a car and dying. Her mom was a nurse and with her in the O.R. She screamed, "I don'twant to die". But she did, right there, at fifteen. (Her parents later divorced due to the grief). I don't really believe in an afterlife, so death holds no comfort to me either, only fear. I hate losing family members and close friends to death. The loss leaves a void in my life that is so painful and can be downright depressing.

So it's hard for me to find anything at all comforting to say on the subject of death. It's harsh, it's cruel and it's final.

 

[IKE]

I believe that when you're dead, you're dead. No angels, no afterlife, no anything - Nothing!

That's pretty much how I feel also.......once the switch is turned off that's it.

 

[Sunny]

I agree with you both. Thinking about what happens after death, well, what happened to you before you were conceived? Same thing. You're just not there.

Although I don't want death any time soon, I don't fear it as much as other things that can happen, such as losing control of your own life, losing your mental functioning, privacy, existence as an independent adult. To me, spending the rest of my life in a nursing home would be a fate worse than death, literally.

 

[Buckeye]

Exactly ! I have always believed the same thing. I am the last one of my group of friends still alive and after my 2nd heart attack I occasionally think to myself 'This could easily be the last day, or even the last minute. Enjoy it'. All I ask for is that it be ... sudden.

Ditto sudden. My plan is to go out by being shot in the back by a jealous husband.

 

[C'est Moi]

I agree with you both. Thinking about what happens after death, well, what happened to you before you were conceived? Same thing. You're just not there.

Although I don't want death any time soon, I don't fear it as much as other things that can happen, such as losing control of your own life, losing your mental functioning, privacy, existence as an independent adult. To me, spending the rest of my life in a nursing home would be a fate worse than death, literally.

I believe most of us "of an age" share those same fears and if we have our wits about us, we aren't "ready to go" yet!! It's such a shame that old age has to be so cruel. I suppose death is like other unpleasant but unavoidable things; no need to fear it because it is inevitable.

 

[Butterfly]

Being actively involved with watching my husband dying due to cancer, for both of us it is the fear of the unknown and my husband doesn't want to suffer in pain nor be drugged up and hooked to a machine. Talk is cheap and easy until it is looking you in the face.

I deeply sympathize with you. I was the caretaker for my mother while she was dying of cancer and, besides the physical difficulties of doing so (picking her up, keeping her clean, etc.), I had huge emotional issues over the whole thing. It is a terrible thing.

 

[Ruthanne]

It doesn't bother me either way if there's nothing after death or if there's some kind of survival. But since I don't personally know (regardless of what anyone else thinks) I choose to live as if there is some kind of after death survival. And if I'm wrong, what have I lost? I couldn't even complain because there wouldn't anything left of me to complain with. :untroubled:

That makes a lot of sense and I think a lot like that.

 

[Ruthanne]

I believe that when you're dead, you're dead. No angels, no afterlife, no anything - Nothing! But then, why should the nothingness after you die worry you any more than the nothingness before you were born ?

Exactly.

 

[Ruthanne]

Being actively involved with watching my husband dying due to cancer, for both of us it is the fear of the unknown and my husband doesn't want to suffer in pain nor be drugged up and hooked to a machine. Talk is cheap and easy until it is looking you in the face.

Death is looking me in the face, too. Won't go any further on it but I do understand. I took care of my mom until she went into hospice so I know about cancer and what it does. I feel for you and your hubby.

 

[Ruthanne]

Death bothers me terribly, in part because I've seen too much of it. I think we, as humans, have a terrible burden to bear lifelong knowing that one day we will die. This is a sorrow animals are spared. The teenaged daughter of a friend was struck by a car and dying. Her mom was a nurse and with her in the O.R. She screamed, "I don'twant to die". But she did, right there, at fifteen. (Her parents later divorced due to the grief). I don't really believe in an afterlife, so death holds no comfort to me either, only fear. I hate losing family members and close friends to death. The loss leaves a void in my life that is so painful and can be downright depressing.

So it's hard for me to find anything at all comforting to say on the subject of death. It's harsh, it's cruel and it's final.

hug to you chic. I have seen so many of my friends die that I hardly have any more of them. My mom feared the very end but she would divert herself, a good coping mechanism she had. I think we all have the coping mechanisms inside of us that will help us out, especially at our time.

 

[Ruthanne]

I went to emergency in a ambulance then almost immediately "died" with a heart attack. They brought me back but while I was gone there was nothing, no anything. I woke up surrounded by probably 14 doctors, nurses etc. They said "welcome back, you gave us quite a scare there!"

So glad you are still here Jim!!

 

[Ruthanne]

Ditto sudden. My plan is to go out by being shot in the back by a jealous husband.

And I bet you will Terry! LOL

 

[Smiling Jane]

I'm on the fence about life after death because of a personal experience and also because when I was in my early forties a friend gave me a galley copy of a book by Adela Rogers St. John about the death of her son Bill in WWII. St. John and her daughter Elaine mourned him deeply, and one day Elaine felt a very strong compulsion to pick up a pen and begin writing. What she wrote was Bill's words, asking them to stop grieving him so deeply so he could move on. I can't quote directly but one of the things he said was something to the effect of they want me to move to another place and your grief is holding me back. A tough LA crime reporter, St. John was skeptical enough to ask the writer some questions about something only she and Bill knew, and the answers convinced her it was Bill. The book St. John wrote about it was No Goodbyes: My Search Into Life Beyond Death. It made such a deep impression on me that I have never forgotten it.

If some of you don't know Adela Rogers St. John, she was the first woman newspaper journalist and William Randolph Hearst's right hand at the Herald. A fascinating no-nonsense woman, I saw her a number of times on television as a guest on late-night talk shows. She came out of retirement in her 80s at the request of Hearst to write about Patty Hearst's kidnapping. I don't believe all that many people, but I found her story entirely credible.

 

[Ruthanne]

I'm on the fence about life after death because of a personal experience and also because when I was in my early forties a friend gave me a galley copy of a book by Adela Rogers St. John about the death of her son Bill in WWII. St. John and her daughter Elaine mourned him deeply, and one day Elaine felt a very strong compulsion to pick up a pen and begin writing. What she wrote was Bill's words, asking them to stop grieving him so deeply so he could move on. I can't quote directly but one of the things he said was something to the effect of they want me to move to another place and you grief is holding me back. A tough LA crime reporter, St. John was skeptical enough to ask the writer some questions about something only she and Bill knew, and the answers convinced her it was Bill. The book St. John wrote about it was No Goodbyes: My Search Into Life Beyond Death. It made such a deep impression on me that I have never forgotten it.

If some of you don't know Adela Rogers St. John, she was the first woman newspaper journalist and William Randolph Hearst's right hand at the Herald. A fascinating no-nonsense woman, I saw her a number of times on television as a guest on late-night talk shows. She came out of retirement in her 80s at the request of Hearst to write about Patty Hearst's kidnapping. I don't believe all that many people, but I found her story entirely credible.

I am on the fence, too, about such issues. I recently read a book that made me think very much about this:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_gnr...t&keywords=Joni+Hewitt&ie=UTF8&qid=1517152767

 

[Smiling Jane]

A friend who was pronounced clinically dead and I were thrilled when Yale University published its findings on life after death based on actual experiences, and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross began sharing her enlightening observations.

I can say I'm on the fence, but I lean heavily toward the side of death not being the final end.

 

[drifter]

I have read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's book on Death & Dying. I have done some searching on this subject and have not come away with any worthwhile answers. I don't want to die and if I must I'd rather not be around when it happened. Is there any kind of existence after the act of dying? No one knows. Dying may be the final act. What I fear, other than not being around anymore, is the pain some suffer with some kinds of dying. Should there be a heaven I don't want one of those mansions, that's not my style. On the outskirts of the holy community I'd like to have a small cabin beside a running stream and chronicle the hereafter. On the other hand that might not be necessary. Things of that nature might already be known before I could write it up. Still I'd hope for some hills with wild flowers growing so I could walk again and never grow old. If death is the final solution, I would hope to be somewhat well thought of, at least on my homefront. It is okay to think these thoughts for the sweet by and by for some of us is merely a skip and a hop on down the road.

 

[C'est Moi]

... It is okay to think these thoughts for the sweet by and by for some of us is merely a skip and a hop on down the road.

I think we seniors naturally begin considering the inevitable more as we get older. Believing in the afterlife makes the thought of death not so terrifying or "final." Wish I could believe in it, but I don't.

When we were young, we were invincible and thought we had all the time in the world to carry on our lives. Now that we are looking back instead of ahead, we realize just how short our allotted time on earth actually is.

Of course, no one is guaranteed any time, so the fact that we have made it to "seniors" is something to appreciate.

 

[Butterfly]

I have read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's book on Death & Dying. I have done some searching on this subject and have not come away with any worthwhile answers. I don't want to die and if I must I'd rather not be around when it happened. Is there any kind of existence after the act of dying? No one knows. Dying may be the final act. What I fear, other than not being around anymore, is the pain some suffer with some kinds of dying. Should there be a heaven I don't want one of those mansions, that's not my style. On the outskirts of the holy community I'd like to have a small cabin beside a running stream and chronicle the hereafter. On the other hand that might not be necessary. Things of that nature might already be known before I could write it up. Still I'd hope for some hills with wild flowers growing so I could walk again and never grow old. If death is the final solution, I would hope to be somewhat well thought of, at least on my homefront. It is okay to think these thoughts for the sweet by and by for some of us is merely a skip and a hop on down the road.

Sounds like a wonderful place, Drifter. Should I go there, I would hope that there were some dogs there, too -- big, happy dogs running and playing and giving me big fat sloppy doggie kisses and lying by my feet in the evenings.

 

[senile1]

Death is a natural progression of life, am not rushing it, but am ready when my time comes. There is naught about death to fear or be depressed about .