Assessing who to trust and upon what basis

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
So, on Facebook, online in general and in everyday life we make daily decisions on who is safe and trustworthy or not. It's interesting upon what we base this. We have a constant mental process of assessment ongoing about how much of ourselves to disclose to people whom increasingly, we have not met in person and never shall.

I think I am a pretty good judge of character. Yet these days I am almost paranoid about who is harmless and who might turn out to be bad news. I trust my gut feeling more as I get older.

We have to trust and have some faith in our fellow man in order to function. Yet all of us in life have surely tasted the bitterness of betrayal and letdown. I have had to delete and block the odd person both on FB and in my life.
 

I'm a pretty good judge of character as well. It's easier to determine if you can trust someone when you meet them in person, but it can be difficult to trust people you meet online. I'm very careful about who I let get close to me before I'll really open up. I don't blindly trust just anyone. If I decide to trust you I do, unless you show me that I can't. Then there can really be nothing of consequence between us ever again.
 
There are very evil people that walk among us. You may think you are a good judge of character, but I can assure you that many of these evil people are psychopaths. They can make you believe they are the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet, but after they finish grooming you into believing that they are the second coming of Christ, you will begin to slowly see the real person who you now consider your best friend.

I have investigated cases where, especially women have felt the consequences of taking in a man, only to find out later, they took in the devil. You can’t even imagine what some of these psychos have done to women. I have seen women battered so badly that I never thought a man could harm a women to the point where she became unidentifiable.

The worse case was a women who suffered at the hands of a psychopath for 3 years before she finally called for help. When we spoke with her in the hospital, it took her nearly a half hour to tell us all if the things her then husband had done to her. And believe it or not, when we faced him with the women’s accusations, he didn’t deny any of it and in fact, he laughed about some of the things he was being accused of as if he was proud of it.

This woman was beaten (many times), burned, thrown down the cellar steps, given feces to eat while he held a gun to her daughter’s head and the list goes on. He was definitely the most evil man I ever investigated. It was all about power and control.
 

911 said:
There are very evil people that walk among us. You may think you are a good judge of character, but I can assure you that many of these evil people are psychopaths. They can make you believe they are the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet, but after they finish grooming you into believing that they are the second coming of Christ, you will begin to slowly see the real person who you now consider your best friend.

I have investigated cases where, especially women have felt the consequences of taking in a man, only to find out later, they took in the devil. You can’t even imagine what some of these psychos have done to women. I have seen women battered so badly that I never thought a man could harm a women to the point where she became unidentifiable.

The worse case was a women who suffered at the hands of a psychopath for 3 years before she finally called for help. When we spoke with her in the hospital, it took her nearly a half hour to tell us all if the things her then husband had done to her. And believe it or not, when we faced him with the women’s accusations, he didn’t deny any of it and in fact, he laughed about some of the things he was being accused of as if he was proud of it.

This woman was beaten (many times), burned, thrown down the cellar steps, given feces to eat while he held a gun to her daughter’s head and the list goes on. He was definitely the most evil man I ever investigated. It was all about power and control.
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Horror.
 
In all social media I try to remember that all of it, even "closed" Facebook (which I have not used in many years) is basically the front page of a newspaper. We are all writing a newspaper about our lives when we post on FB or this site, or god forbid, make video content for the Tube of You.

I also try to remember that yup, the Internet is forever. Therefore, I'd better have my facts straight when I post an opinion. I have posted opinions in the past and have been proven to be wrong, and while it's not big deal to be wrong in real life (in real life one can usually correct one's words quickly, in-person, and apologize), on the god-forsaken Internet, being WRONG can get AMPLIFIED by anyone who sees you were wrong and dislikes you to begin with. Making a mistake on the Internet is like creating a forever-weapon when people dislike you in real life. Or, when they are trying to justify disliking you. Sure, you can remove the wrong information, but then people say, "Oh look - she took it down. What does that mean?"

On the Internet, we're expected to go along with the majority opinion. It took me a long time to recognize that is what all social media is about - it's an echo-chamber. No one really wants to hear and try to understand the opinions and life experiences of others. E.g., I took a risk on another thread today by posting that I think King Charles is a royal putz.

IDK if a bunch of Seniors will doxx me now because I said that. They might. But that's precisely what I mean - if some obsessive, Charles-lover-fan is here and he/she has the skills, they could do a fake SWAT call on me now because I am not a fan of King Charles. I took a risk there. But a lot of Americans don't understand love of the Royals, so I hope the Brits here will understand that while I love the U.K., if the Royals disappeared from U.K. news, I would not miss them.

I have gone through so much difficulty in my real life, but I'll be damned if I'll post about it online. Because for every ten "good" people online there are probably two bad people and they will see your weakness, your losses, and use that knowledge to hurt or exploit you further. That, from my experience, is how the Internet really works. The young people know this. Thanks to AARP Magazine, I think even Seniors know this now too.
 
You're absolutely right - trust is something that needs to be earned over time, and it's never an easy process. The feeling of betrayal when a friend turns on you can be truly painful, and it can make it difficult to open up and trust others in the future.
I try to remember that just because I have been hurt before doesn't mean that everyone is untrustworthy. Taking a calculated chance and giving people the opportunity to prove themselves can lead to some of the most rewarding relationships in life. The key is to listen to your instincts, be honest about your feelings, and be prepared to set boundaries when necessary.
 
911 said:
There are very evil people that walk among us. You may think you are a good judge of character, but I can assure you that many of these evil people are psychopaths. They can make you believe they are the nicest, kindest people you will ever meet, but after they finish grooming you into believing that they are the second coming of Christ, you will begin to slowly see the real person who you now consider your best friend.

I have investigated cases where, especially women have felt the consequences of taking in a man, only to find out later, they took in the devil. You can’t even imagine what some of these psychos have done to women. I have seen women battered so badly that I never thought a man could harm a women to the point where she became unidentifiable.

The worse case was a women who suffered at the hands of a psychopath for 3 years before she finally called for help. When we spoke with her in the hospital, it took her nearly a half hour to tell us all if the things her then husband had done to her. And believe it or not, when we faced him with the women’s accusations, he didn’t deny any of it and in fact, he laughed about some of the things he was being accused of as if he was proud of it.

This woman was beaten (many times), burned, thrown down the cellar steps, given feces to eat while he held a gun to her daughter’s head and the list goes on. He was definitely the most evil man I ever investigated. It was all about power and control.
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I think it's about evil too. The legal system doesn't usually like to use the term "evil", but it's real. Evil exists in the world. If people want a good book that explains this in less than serial-killer stories, read "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. Explains that 5% to10% of people fall into this cataegory of behavior and they are certainly not all murderers. Many are quite subtle and end up being successful in life because they know how to manipulate people.
 
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VintageBetter said:
IDK if a bunch of Seniors will doxx me now because I said that. They might. But that's precisely what I mean - if some obsessive, Charles-lover-fan is here and he/she has the skills, they could do a fake SWAT call on me now because I am not a fan of King Charles.
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How could anyone dox or have you swatted without knowing a name or address? :unsure: When it comes to personal opinion, mine has often differed here from some others, but there's never been a big issue with it. There's disagreement and then we move on. Know what I've found, though? That no matter how many may disagree, there are always plenty who feel the same.
 
CallMeKate said:
How could anyone dox or have you swatted without knowing a name or address? :unsure: When it comes to personal opinion, mine has often differed here from some others, but there's never been a big issue with it. There's disagreement and then we move on. Know what I've found, though? That no matter how many may disagree, there are always plenty who feel the same.
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On Facebook you are required to use your real name. That's one way. Addresses are published online for most of us whether we like it or not. Go ahead and search for your name, age and your city. Most likely you will find your own address.

Do you know that Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, asked Google Maps to hide his home from their street view option? Maybe people were bothering him: "Tim, can you fix my iPhone?" You can request that Google Maps does that BTW. I just love how Google defaults to public with
everything. I'm sure DV survivors and crime survivors love that too.
 
VintageBetter said:
On Facebook you are required to use your real name. That's one way.
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Ah yes, I see what you're saying if you use your real name. It is not correct that it's required for Facebook, though... I've been on there for 12 years and it's sure not my real name. It's my first and middle name. But you were talking about what you said about King Charles and wondering if "a bunch of seniors" will dox you because of what you said. Meaning this forum. So unless you said the same about Charles on Facebook, no one here can dox you unless your real name is Vintage Better.
 
I use fake names online and I don't get close to anyone online. Also all of my family do not use social media at all and are never online to chat to someone. We are very wary of the internet. In real life, I don't trust anyone. If I meet people at my seniors centre, I am open to meeting people, but you can have nutcases at the seniors centers too.:LOL:
 
VintageBetter said:
On the Internet, we're expected to go along with the majority opinion. It took me a long time to recognize that is what all social media is about - it's an echo-chamber. No one really wants to hear and try to understand the opinions and life experiences of others. E.g., I took a risk on another thread today by posting that I think King Charles is a royal putz.
Click to expand...
:ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO: That's my King you are disrespecting. As an Aussie I am glad he is the titular Head of State of Australia because, if he wasn't, we might have to put up with an elected president. I always go for the least worst option.

Warrigal will now hide behind the lounge until the uproar abates. 🫣
 
VintageBetter said:
On Facebook you are required to use your real name. That's one way. Addresses are published online for most of us whether we like it or not. Go ahead and search for your name, age and your city. Most likely you will find your own address.

Do you know that Tim Cook, CEO of Apple, asked Google Maps to hide his home from their street view option? Maybe people were bothering him: "Tim, can you fix my iPhone?" You can request that Google Maps does that BTW. I just love how Google defaults to public with
everything. I'm sure DV survivors and crime survivors love that too.
Click to expand...
Not so. I've got 2 facebook accounts have had them for years and I do not and never have used my real name..not even a part of my real name
 
VintageBetter said:
In all social media I try to remember that all of it, even "closed" Facebook (which I have not used in many years) is basically the front page of a newspaper. We are all writing a newspaper about our lives when we post on FB or this site, or god forbid, make video content for the Tube of You.

I also try to remember that yup, the Internet is forever. Therefore, I'd better have my facts straight when I post an opinion. I have posted opinions in the past and have been proven to be wrong, and while it's not big deal to be wrong in real life (in real life one can usually correct one's words quickly, in-person, and apologize), on the god-forsaken Internet, being WRONG can get AMPLIFIED by anyone who sees you were wrong and dislikes you to begin with. Making a mistake on the Internet is like creating a forever-weapon when people dislike you in real life. Or, when they are trying to justify disliking you. Sure, you can remove the wrong information, but then people say, "Oh look - she took it down. What does that mean?"
Click to expand...
that old adage...Say it forget it, Write it regret it , has never been more fitting than it is for online social meedja
 
I have been betrayed by most of the significant people in my life, since I was a child and all through my life, culminating in the most recent betrayal of all , by my husband.. . if I was to make a list you probably wouldn't believe it, but it would be true... yet I continue to trust people until they inevitably let me down...
 
The people who have betrayed me were in my own family......first was my husband and 2nd was my niece. I have no problems with my social media friends, in fact I have some very close friends I have never seen in person. For me writing is a better way to get to know someone.
 

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