Being an Adult "Orphan"

fureverywhere

fureverywhere

beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
Location
Northern NJ, USA
Another one of those serious topics some of us try not to think about. Hubby's parents both passed ten plus years ago. We were separated at the time. He had both parents, one with cancer and one hallucinating. I will always regret I wasn't there to help him. My Mom passed in 1989. But Dad at ninety-four is still living independently.

I dunno am I being morbid bracing myself for the call? He has lived a fuller life than a lot of folks. One of those memorial services where you have to keep it under two hundred people. But something I think about. One of the few times I saw him cry, the call that his mom was gone. Something you think about ya know?
 

My Dad passed when I was 12, my Mom when I was 22, so I've been an "orphan" for over 36 years.

No, I don't think you're being morbid - death is a part of life. We all encounter it sooner or later.
 
My father passed on when I was 21, my mother when I was 38. Since then, I've had brothers and sisters passing on what seems to be quite frequently. I have just one brother left now out of an original family of 15 siblings and he is four years older than me.
 
I guesbefores it's the recent realization. I always thought my Dad who I was closest to. But no...my Mom. Damn I wish I had known, outspoken, critter lovin', not one to suffer fools gladly. My Mom and if I could embrace her today...I still smell the Emeraude...**** I miss her like never before.
 
I think I have had depression since my mother passed away over 3 years ago. She could be very difficult at times but she loved her kids. We could talk about the cats in detail and about this and that. I really don't have anyone to talk to much anymore. My stepfather lives near by. We have to use the caption phone for him since he is hearing impaired. I can't really talk to him too much about stuff.
 
My mom passed in 2003 from cancer and my dad passed in 2006 from a heart attack or stroke (they weren't sure which one) I have been an orphan since 2006. It's not as hard as it once was. Life does go on and seems to heal quite a bit.
 
My mom passed away when I was 7. My father remaried a year later and is in the states alive and well.
After a lot of thought and soul searching I made the decision to end any 'relationship' with him,I felt that any rellationship takes 2 to make it work and after a not so good childhood in his wifes hands and in his home,I tired of being the only onee trying.


I don't know how I will feel when he passes,I will probably mourn a relationship that never was,between a father and a daughter.
 
I just heard a piece on NPR about the growing number of 'elder orphans'.
Elder people not only without parents, but also without family members close to help with aging issues.
 
There was a time when we were all "family". That was decades ago. Throw in alcoholism, divorce, feuds, and hundred of miles between us. Sadly, we're not family any more. It's not always a rose colored, Disney life.
 
My Dad Passed in 1993 and my Mom passed in 2004. I miss the both of them very much. I lost my older brother 2yrs ago. I can't even count how many Aunts and Uncles and cousins I have lost. Having a lot of relatives is a wonderful thing until they start passing away.
 
Actually, for both DH and I it's been a relief. Our stepfathers had died and we had many worries about our aging moms. I am one of 3 kids but DH was an only child. Lots of discussions between us of "what if?".

My mom lived with us for five years. But fortunately my brother stepped up and found good inexpensive senior housing for her close to where he and his wife lived. His wife is an immigrant from Japan who brought her own elderly parents over (who are still going strong in their late 80's, impressive!) so she was very supportive of our mom being involved in their social/religious life.

It was great for her and she spent six very happy years in the Los Angeles area before finally passing away peacefully in her sleep.

My MIL was more financially secure but much needier in a social sense. After my mom left, my MIL moved in and stayed with us. However, she suffered from mild dementia and our situation was not ideal for her. She didn't like our lifestyle and couldn't adapt to it. After six years the situation was too stressful for all of us. DH and I began to thoroughly research on a good senior living facility for her.

It took almost 18 months to find what we wanted (multiple visits to the finalists) and then another 3 months of gradually introducing her to the place. She was reluctant to go at first but quickly fell in love with living there. The regular schedule of very good meals and pleasant activities suited her to a "T". The staff loved her and many residents became friends. She also passed away peacefully in her sleep.

We have no regrets. We did the best we could for them while they were alive, and they lived their last years very happily. Our parents had rich full lives. DH and I hope we will [all of us] be so lucky!
 
I found out that there is an 'Elder Orphans' group on FaceBook.

There is an ElderOrphans website; but it's just selling insurance and generic aging stuff.
 

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