Can a man love two women at the same time?

Grailhunter57 said:
I am not talking bad about marriage. Marriage is the foundation of society and religion. And in love is the goal and those that find it are fortunate.
No where in the Bible does it say that a wedding ceremony is required to be married. That is a fact.
In the 17th century the Protestants made church weddings a requirement to be married and shortly after that the Catholic Church followed suit. Making it a requirement was a good decision. A lot of history there.

Most wedding ceremonies have Pagan aspects and there is a good reason for that. Wedding ceremonies go back millenniums but they are Pagan. When the Apostle Paul converted the Pagan/Gentiles into Christianity they brought wedding ceremonies with them. So wedding ceremonies have been happening in Christianity but were voluntary until 17th century. The first documented Christian wedding occurred in the 8th century. But I am sure there were a lot weddings happening before that.

The Bible talks about the marriage in Cana, scholars speculate a lot about what was happening there. Either way the storyline pickup at the reception. We do not know who the couple was and why it was important to Miriam and Yeshua.
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I won't argue with any of that, but it doesn't address the question which got my attention and is making me wonder about the topic.
 
JustDave said:
I won't argue with any of that, but it doesn't address the question which got my attention and is making me wonder about the topic.
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I can say if you are "in love" that is only one person. But love as a whole can happen, a person can love more than one person. Difference in I love you and I am in love with you. I love my pets and going hunting. But deep love....one person.
 
KSav said:
Thanks. For clarity, I just reposted the part to which I particularly objected given that I was quoted.
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I hadn't completely come down from a tiny negative interaction with a longtime member last night when I saw this thread and this newer member's rude response to you.. Is it acceptable on this forum to refer to individuals as obnoxious windbags? I'd put both of them in that category.

The way I deal with them is 'refuse to engage.'
 
I can only speak for myself and how I feel. I have no doubt if my late DH had not passed, we would still
be together. If he had been alive and I met current DH, I probably would not have given him a second
thought in a love connection. Probably would have admired his personality as a friend though.

They are complete opposites of each other, I have to be thankful that DH came into my life when he did
even though I made him wait 8 years before I said yes. Funny thing is, I was not physically attracted to DH, until
much later when I got to know him and the person he is.

I still have deep love for my late DH, but I don't use it to hurt my DH now. My being a person of extreme
observation of those around me taught me very early , physical attraction is not "being in love".
 
IrishEyes said:
I can only speak for myself and how I feel. I have no doubt if my late DH had not passed, we would still
be together. If he had been alive and I met current DH, I probably would not have given him a second
thought in a love connection. Probably would have admired his personality as a friend though.

They are complete opposites of each other, I have to be thankful that DH came into my life when he did
even though I made him wait 8 years before I said yes. Funny thing is, I was not physically attracted to DH, until
much later when I got to know him and the person he is.

I still have deep love for my late DH, but I don't use it to hurt my DH now. My being a person of extreme
observation of those around me taught me very early , physical attraction is not "being in love".
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You can love someone without physical attraction but can you be in love without physical attraction? I think love without physical attraction is called platonic.
 
From personal experience I can say that I agree with one thing Grailhunter 57 said.

He said, "But the end result is the husband is neglected. Less touching less tongue kisses less sitting on his lap and less enjoying each other."

Sadly I experienced this when my father-in-law died and my wife promised him she'd look after her mother. Her mum stayed living in their marital house, and for the next five years my wife spent every evening, and most weekend days with her mother.

That situation ended when my mother-in-law passed away, but during those five years I was left on my own as though I was a single man. The only time we saw each other was for an hour at most in the evenings as I had to get up at 5:15am to go to work so I had to go to bed at 9:30pm, and she finished work at 7pm and went straight to her mother's house from there and didn't get home till just as I was going to bed.

Often I wouldn't see her to talk to for a week at a time. The loneliness and complete feeling of disconnection became overwhelming. I lost my lover, my best friend, my companion, all in one fell swoop, and I still feel the after effects to this day, eight years after mother-in-law died.

After the old lady died my wife began spending more time with me. However, it's never been the same since, and now we're more like friends than lovers, which is a shame. I still love my wife a great deal, and I'd never cheat on her, but I still feel as though we lost something very important when she more or less deserted me in favour of her mother for those five years.

As such I can understand why men stray, and no doubt women do as well when they feel as though their partner no longer treats them as the most important thing in their lives.
 
Grailhunter57 said:
You can love someone without physical attraction but can you be in love without physical attraction? I think love without physical attraction is called platonic.
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Not quite what I meant. Love has depths as I see it. I can love many people in different depths. It's very hard to describe something in type
as people will read it with emotions they are feeling at the time. I will tell you this, if a man approaches me with come-ons and flirty words.
that is a sign he is purely seeing me in a physical sense and that for me is a turn off.
I fell in love with current DH and even my late DH because I got to know them, respect them and THEN desire them. If you have to label that I understand, it's just how it happened for me.
 
BJintheUK said:
From personal experience I can say that I agree with one thing Grailhunter 57 said.

He said, "But the end result is the husband is neglected. Less touching less tongue kisses less sitting on his lap and less enjoying each other."

Sadly I experienced this when my father-in-law died and my wife promised him she'd look after her mother. Her mum stayed living in their marital house, and for the next five years my wife spent every evening, and most weekend days with her mother.

That situation ended when my mother-in-law passed away, but during those five years I was left on my own as though I was a single man. The only time we saw each other was for an hour at most in the evenings as I had to get up at 5:15am to go to work so I had to go to bed at 9:30pm, and she finished work at 7pm and went straight to her mother's house from there and didn't get home till just as I was going to bed.

Often I wouldn't see her to talk to for a week at a time. The loneliness and complete feeling of disconnection became overwhelming. I lost my lover, my best friend, my companion, all in one fell swoop, and I still feel the after effects to this day, eight years after mother-in-law died.

After the old lady died my wife began spending more time with me. However, it's never been the same since, and now we're more like friends than lovers, which is a shame. I still love my wife a great deal, and I'd never cheat on her, but I still feel as though we lost something very important when she more or less deserted me in favour of her mother for those five years.

As such I can understand why men stray, and no doubt women do as well when they feel as though their partner no longer treats them as the most important thing in their lives.
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Agreed.
Lots of scenarios out there.
But being "in love" means no one comes before that person.
It is one of the telltale signs of being in love and a relationship of convenience.
We should take care of our elderly parents and they can either move in with us or go to a home. But under no circumstance separate the family.
 
IrishEyes said:
Not quite what I meant. Love has depths as I see it. I can love many people in different depths. It's very hard to describe something in type
as people will read it with emotions they are feeling at the time. I will tell you this, if a man approaches me with come-ons and flirty words.
that is a sign he is purely seeing me in a physical sense and that for me is a turn off.
I fell in love with current DH and even my late DH because I got to know them, respect them and THEN desire them. If you have to label that I understand, it's just how it happened for me.
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DH ....dead husband.....divorced husband....distant husband.? LOL
I get it that it is all different for everyone.
What if neither person has strong sex drives.....then attraction is not an issue and a more or less platonic relationship could last a long time.
 
smiley said:
superb emotional/hormonal whatever control!!
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Thank you. I knew I couldn't really control how my heart felt, but I could control my actions. The last part was a no brainer...that's just how I am. Like the saying goes "Oh what a tangled web we weave" Affairs are messy! Plus ever since I was a young woman, my mother told me "Don't play two men" and I never did. If I ever felt I wanted to be with someone else bad enough to end a current relationship, I'd be woman enough to let the man know and end it before starting up with the other person.
 
I can't speak for what other people are capable of doing, since life situations are different for all of us. But I only loved one woman and still do, even though she's passed on. Someday there may be another, but I won't be able to love her as much or in the same way as I did the first.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I can't speak for what other people are capable of doing, since life situations are different for all of us. But I only loved one woman and still do, even though she's passed on. Someday there may be another, but I won't be able to love her as much or in the same way as I did the first.
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I get what you are saying there Mack, different age, different plans for the future, ambitions, dreams. The love can be deep but the restlessness
and reasons are different and not as challenging. Going into a relationship once rearing children are out of the equation is a whole nother
scenario. Plus with all that aging brings along too. My hubby now and I both having children before - us. Also brought in a hurdle to agree
on and be respectful for. You can't compare a love of when you were in your 20's to one after 40,50, 60. Just not the same but can still be very
intimate, emotionally, sensually and supportively.
 
Sunkist said:
I hadn't completely come down from a tiny negative interaction with a longtime member last night when I saw this thread and this newer member's rude response to you.. Is it acceptable on this forum to refer to individuals as obnoxious windbags? I'd put both of them in that category.

The way I deal with them is 'refuse to engage.'
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Thank you, and I agree on both counts. Thank goodness for the Ignore function. I almost never use it, but I am grateful it's available.
 
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Numbers of people, even if married or in a long relationship, probably never experience a truly deep level of love. Especially those that from whatever relationship start, was more physical, less communicative, less trust and value developing, less as a lifelong sharing and supportive team, that requires time, and then never built that deeper foundation. One's family life growing up influences as adults valuing such. Maybe that is a key factor for why we have so many broken relationships in this modern era including the attraction to others outside binary relationships.
 
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