Can Women and Men Be Friends Without Becoming Physical?

hiraeth2018

hiraeth2018

Member
Location
Oregon
Do women see it as a cost in keeping their male friendships
and do men see it as a benefit in their female friendships?
 

So far it looks like I may be the only one who has "that" male friend who is always hoping for more in our relationship... we have a great time running around on the weekends (exploring yard sales, antiquing or exploring hidden places in town or country), he will help me willingly with my garden projects go out for meals. But too many times there is this hidden or not so hidden way of his to always want/need more from me and my deep desire to run... fast. Yes, we have talked about this problem many times and our friendship is years in the making so no one is surprised at each others feelings. BUT... I am tired of the underlying energy that it takes to smooth things over when I tell him "no, I don't want anything more out of our friendship". I can't be my "nice", easy going self or he takes my friendship the wrong way. It makes me sad today because my only choice is to cut him out of my life and we both lose. OK... that is my rant for today.
 
hiraeth2018 said:
So far it looks like I may be the only one who has "that" male friend who is always hoping for more in our relationship...
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So you're actually asking about a specific guy. I believe everyone answered you in generality. Only you know the specifics of that relationship dynamic. If he's pushing you, ditch the "friendship."
 
C'est Moi said:
So you're actually asking about a specific guy. I believe everyone answered you in generality. Only you know the specifics of that relationship dynamic. If he's pushing you, ditch the "friendship."
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Precisely. Your question was generalized. I’m sure each of us has had someone from the opposite sex want more than what was being offered but I’ve never had a problem redefining the boundaries.
 
Keesha said:
Precisely. Your question was generalized. I’m sure each of us has had someone from the opposite sex want more than what was being offered but I’ve never had a problem redefining the boundaries.
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Keesha, you are right my question was general. But so far the answers coming in were "no"... no one has had this type of experience. So I thought I must be the only one experiencing it... or no one wants to talk about it? No matter, I have finished the friendship and that was too bad.

Thank you for your response.
 
I think you were right to finish the friendship, sad that it is after so many years, but if you are always made to feel under pressure to give more than you're willing and the other person won't accept that making you always feel uncomfortable in their company, then it's best for you to both stay apart...
 
Absolutely. Over the years, I have made quite a few female friends. When I was in College, I dated a bi-racial young lady that was just about the most beautiful girl that I had ever known. We still e-mail occasionally when the urge moves us to do so.
 
hiraeth2018 said:
But so far the answers coming in were "no"... no one has had this type of experience.
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Actually the answers coming in were "yes" ... women and men can be friends without becoming physical. Everyone was answering the question that you asked.

I have, and have had, many close but not intimate female friends through the years.

By the way, you do realize that that knife cuts both ways ...?
 
I think you can have a platonic friend of the opposite sex but only if you're not attracted to them physically and love them as a sister or brother. And many times only one of them feels that way and the other one hopes for something more. The best way to avoid all that is if the friend is gay and you're not.
 
hiraeth2018 said:
Keesha, you are right my question was general. But so far the answers coming in were "no"... no one has had this type of experience. So I thought I must be the only one experiencing it... or no one wants to talk about it? No matter, I have finished the friendship and that was too bad. Thank you for your response.
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I knew a guy that I enjoyed to be with, he was fun and always joking and enjoyed doing stuff, but I liked him as a friend and he wanted more and would feel insulted if I rejected him. So I ended the friendship but still think of him sometimes and miss him.
 
One of my cousins was platonic friends with a guy for quite awhile, mutual romantic feelings developed, and long story short they've been married over 20 yrs. :)
 
hiraeth2018 said:
Keesha, you are right my question was general. But so far the answers coming in were "no"... no one has had this type of experience. So I thought I must be the only one experiencing it... or no one wants to talk about it? No matter, I have finished the friendship and that was too bad.

Thank you for your response.
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Ive made the mistake in the past of hanging on to male friends who have been romantically in love with me and the feelings weren’t mutual. Unfortunately I wasn’t mature enough to end the relationship. He really was a fun guy and exceptionally nice to me. I often wish I felt the same way but I didn’t. I lead him on to more heart ache ( unintentionally) which I ended up feeling bad about.


You were very wise to end this relationship considering the circumstances.
Good luck to you. I can understand your situation.
 
I've had male friends when I was young before I was married, but I've been married over forty years and my friends from the past have all moved on with their lives. Women and men can definitely be just friends without being physical. If a male friend of mine was hinting that he expected the 'friends with benefits' deal, he wouldn't be my friend anymore.

To me a boyfriend who you have an attraction to and a physical relationship with is much different than just a friend who happens to be male. If your friend had more in mind, then you're wise to move on. If he really wants your company and cares for you as a real friend, he'll stop the sexual pressure he's putting on you. If he's not willing to do that, you're right, run fast....not worth it, you don't need to 'pay' anyone to be friends with you.
 
Another thing...to be fair it's not always the guy who wants more. Sometimes it's the woman, and often she will deny it but in her mind she's hoping he will change and want to commit. Usually doesn't happen.
 

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