Can't figure this guy out

KingsX

KingsX

Senior Member
Location
Texas
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I have been blissfully single for decades and have no interest in dating.

About a year ago I met a man via a professional association.

He is quite a bit younger... but for some unknown reason expressed interest in dating me.

Initially I told him I didn't date. But periodically he would call me to try again and again.

I met him again recently via that professional association and he asked me out again. So I told him maybe we could meet sometime over coffee or a dutch lunch. He said maybe we could hang out at my place or meet in a park... which I thought was very odd.

Over a month goes by and he calls out of the blue wanting to come over to my house. I declined.

Anyone have any insights into this strange behavior ??

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It is peculiar. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be seen with you in a place where he may be recognised? Also, wanting access to your home right away sends warning signals to me, at least. I would steer clear. I would be concerned about being assaulted.
 
I'd be wary of him, and not meet him anywhere where the both of you are alone, definitely not your or his place. If he declined coffee or a dutch lunch at a public establishment, he must have unfavorable intentions. It it were me, I'd stop all communications with him and tell him to stop calling me.
 

SeaBreeze said:
I'd be wary of him, and not meet him anywhere where the both of you are alone, definitely not your or his place. If he declined coffee or a dutch lunch at a public establishment, he must have unfavorable intentions. It it were me, I'd stop all communications with him and tell him to stop calling me.
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I agree. Better to be safe than sorry!
 
KingsX said:
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I have been blissfully single for decades and have no interest in dating.

About a year ago I met a man via a professional association.

He is quite a bit younger... but for some unknown reason expressed interest in dating me.

Initially I told him I didn't date. But periodically he would call me to try again and again.

I met him again recently via that professional association and he asked me out again. So I told him maybe we could meet sometime over coffee or a dutch lunch. He said maybe we could hang out at my place or meet in a park... which I thought was very odd.

Over a month goes by and he calls out of the blue wanting to come over to my house. I declined.

Anyone have any insights into this strange behavior ??

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Click to expand...

As an expert in the field stated in one of her newsletters: Psychopaths don't take 'no' for an answer, they take it as a challenge.
And as someone who has experienced a stalker, I agree with that viewpoint.

The guy may or may not be an actual psychopath, but the facts that he's not respecting your 'not interested,' and inserting himself into your life, could be a huge red flag of a dangerous situation.
 
Declining coffee/dutch lunch and wanting to meet at your place or in the park suggests he wants a situation leading to something sexual. He most likely has a woman in his life and/or for some reason he doesn't want to be seen with you.

Sounds shady imo. I think you should firmly tell him to stop calling you, and if you see him at future meetings give him the cold shoulder.

ETA: don't waste too much of your time trying to figure him out.
 
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Many thanks for all the insightful advice.

My crazy ex-husband stalked me for years after our divorce. Which is part of the reason why I have remained single for decades.

But I hardly know this new stalker. We have only met twice briefly in a business setting.

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KingsX said:
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Many thanks for all the insightful advice.

My crazy ex-husband stalked me for years after our divorce. Which is part of the reason why I have remained single for decades.

But I hardly know this new stalker. We have only met twice briefly in a business setting.

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?? Stalker

If he's actually stalking you file a report with the police. But it's important you tell him to leave you alone; that you're not interested.

I had a problem for years with a stalker. Police reports helped.....officer went to his house and had a talk with him.​
 
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I've learned to screen my calls. Now I let all incoming phone calls go to voicemail.
But I made an exception today because I was expecting an important business call.

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KingsX said:
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I've learned to screen my calls. Now I let all incoming phone calls go to voicemail.
But I made an exception today because I was expecting an important business call.

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Have you told him to leave you alone?
Have you filed a report with the police? (you said he is a stalker)

Both the above are much more important than screening your calls. Otherwise, he'll keep calling and you'll keep screening. Doesn't accomplish anything at all.
 
Can you block his phone number so he can't even leave a message? That's what I would do. Anyone I don't want bothering me, I block their numbers so my phone doesn't even ring and it works.
 
Shalimar said:
It is peculiar. Apparently, he doesn’t want to be seen with you in a place where he may be recognised? Also, wanting access to your home right away sends warning signals to me, at least. I would steer clear. I would be concerned about being assaulted.
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I agree. I wouldn't let someone into my house until I was very sure it was safe to do so.
 
Everyone is over analyzing this situation and man.

No one knows his intentions and they should not be assumed.
We read about so many terrible incidents in the news, that women are scared.
I just don't think people should be labeled stalkers so quickly.
I agree it sounds odd but he may just be quirky and harmless..
Obviously, do the safest thing for you.

Everyone feels he is up to no good but no one knows for sure.
 
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If he is a quirky, but harmless guy, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

If he is a stalker with evil intentions I don't want to make him mad.

This is why I try to avoid confrontation but when confronted politely say no thanks.

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KingsX said:
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If he is a quirky, but harmless guy, I don't want to hurt his feelings.

If he is a stalker with evil intentions I don't want to make him mad.

This is why I try to avoid confrontation but when confronted politely say no thanks.

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He could just be immature, but on the other hand, normal people take no for an answer- they don't try to wear you down, try to get you to change your mind, or a make a nuisance of themselves.
 
I would have thought it was ok until he declined meeting in public and requested your home. Many red flags there.
 

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