Choosing to be happy? A question for you.

Chic wrote: Can we really choose to be happy or is it more a choice to put things in perspective and choose not to react to bad things? This time of year makes me reflect on things like this. When I make a conscious choice to be happier, some disaster always befalls me. Has this ever happened to you? It's like a curse or something.
Vicky says -- LOL. Yes, this seems to happen to me. LOL. I got good at repressing positive emotions, so that when my fall happens, when some sort of dilemma occurs, its less devastating.


My thoughts on Happiness:
I believe Happiness is taught at time of young childhood yrs. For example: mom or dad telling you playing is fun. A goodnight kiss is good. Thus, the child learns playing or a kiss is a positive emotion (happiness). On the other hand, taking out the trash is not. The toddler hears and sees all the agony of the parent performing the smelly task. Point being, I believe happiness is learned. Therefore, happiness is not a choice.

I believe we can change our negative thoughts by stopping them in the process. Some might practice this through mediation. Some stop it by replacing the neg with 3-4 positive thoughts. It can be done, however it takes a long time to achieve this. Under this thought, I believe happiness is a choice. It depends upon how much, the individual wants to put into it.

How we handle negative situations is a key to our happiness. Growing up, I’ve seen:
_____ people who have very little money, live a happier life than some who had everything at their fingertips. Expectations and Acceptance were totally different.
_____I was also in contact with an aunt who was dying of cancer. Although she could not change her situation or symptoms, she accepted the condition and seemed to live out her days with some pleasure. It was amazing! I don’t think I could do this.
_____I was raised in an era where parents were allowed to hit their children. A child is to be seen and not heard scenario. I survived and many others did too. It did not stop people to be happy.

Happy includes terms such as Hope, Expectations, Acceptance, Resilience, Satisfaction, Limitations, etc.
Of course the basic needs such as food and shelter must be met.

I am glad you asked the question. I, myself, have been feeling depressed, so responding to your question made me analyze my thoughts, of happiness. My input to your question is: Happiness is not a choice during childhood years, but it can be a choice in adult years.
Happiness seems to be a Learned Trait.
 

Vicky said:
Chic wrote: Can we really choose to be happy or is it more a choice to put things in perspective and choose not to react to bad things? This time of year makes me reflect on things like this. When I make a conscious choice to be happier, some disaster always befalls me. Has this ever happened to you? It's like a curse or something.
Vicky says -- LOL. Yes, this seems to happen to me. LOL. I got good at repressing positive emotions, so that when my fall happens, when some sort of dilemma occurs, its less devastating.


My thoughts on Happiness:
I believe Happiness is taught at time of young childhood yrs. For example: mom or dad telling you playing is fun. A goodnight kiss is good. Thus, the child learns playing or a kiss is a positive emotion (happiness). On the other hand, taking out the trash is not. The toddler hears and sees all the agony of the parent performing the smelly task. Point being, I believe happiness is learned. Therefore, happiness is not a choice.

I believe we can change our negative thoughts by stopping them in the process. Some might practice this through mediation. Some stop it by replacing the neg with 3-4 positive thoughts. It can be done, however it takes a long time to achieve this. Under this thought, I believe happiness is a choice. It depends upon how much, the individual wants to put into it.

How we handle negative situations is a key to our happiness. Growing up, I’ve seen:
_____ people who have very little money, live a happier life than some who had everything at their fingertips. Expectations and Acceptance were totally different.
_____I was also in contact with an aunt who was dying of cancer. Although she could not change her situation or symptoms, she accepted the condition and seemed to live out her days with some pleasure. It was amazing! I don’t think I could do this.
_____I was raised in an era where parents were allowed to hit their children. A child is to be seen and not heard scenario. I survived and many others did too. It did not stop people to be happy.

Happy includes terms such as Hope, Expectations, Acceptance, Resilience, Satisfaction, Limitations, etc.
Of course the basic needs such as food and shelter must be met.

I am glad you asked the question. I, myself, have been feeling depressed, so responding to your question made me analyze my thoughts, of happiness. My input to your question is: Happiness is not a choice during childhood years, but it can be a choice in adult years.
Happiness seems to be a Learned Trait.
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I'm really sorry to hear you've been feeling depressed lately. That part didn't appear until the last of your post, and it bothered me to see it.

Yes, certainly our upbringing can impact how we view life as adults. I also agree as you said, that some people who have very little money are still happy. Only I do remember when I was young, starting out on my own, I had to buy a week's worth of groceries for $10 or less, and that did make me most unhappy at that time.

In your post #123, earlier in this thread, you referred to an article on a "Very Well Mind" website, which I have read, and noticed part of it said, "Learn how to treat yourself with forgiveness and understanding," and in another place it said, "maintain a positive attitude." Those are good suggestions we can work toward.

But, it can become self-defeating (in my case anyway) to expect myself to feel happy all the time. I try to accept that moods come and go and impact how happy I may or may not feel. When I feel blue, or unhappy, I try to recognize it as a passing event, and it usually is. Sometimes I allow myself to just wait those feelings out, or if it's really bad, I purposefully do something - anything - a drive - a call to someone - whatever - to get my mind on something else temporarily, which helps.

These thoughts do not apply to those who may be suffering from serious, ongoing clinical depression, which is not to be taken lightly and usually needs intervention.
 
JustDave said:
Contentment is my happiness. I suppose they have slight differences, but they are one and the same to me. That may not apply to others. At one time, while I was searching for happiness, I found contentment, and realized what I was looking for wasn't exactly what I thought it was. It was one of those insights that came as a surprise. But then insights always come as a surprise. At least that's the way I experience them.
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Interesting. I suppose it matters how one thinks of contentment. Equanimity is something I value and cultivate. But if it involved numbing myself to experience I would not be content. I still want to be moved by music and literature - both the highs and the lows. So give me joy and pathos but never just one thing forever.

I also cultivate beginner’s mind by my choice of activity. It helps me to be appreciative for insight and progress, which I never treat as an entitlement. Feeling part of the natural world is also important to my contentment. Staying humble about my thimble full of experience and wisdom helps too.
 
Talking about God it's occurred to me recently that since we're made in his image we have a lot in common and He understands us more than we ever know. Just ask and He'll help with what you need to think and do. l've been betrayed by a friend of about 50 years. l've forgiven her and told her so. But l can never trust her again. lt's good to forgive but it doesn't mean you should be a fool.
 
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MACKTEXAS said:
I had a father much like the one you describe. But then, his father was even worse, so it all gets passed down.
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It sucks, doesn't it? One of the things I'm most proud of is that I broke that cycle. Perhaps that's why my daughter and grandson still talk to me. I hope you were able to also.

Yes, to the rest of what you said. Though I'm not always good at controlling how I react, I soon get over myself and back to looking for and enjoying the little things that do mean a lot. I vent, cry my tears, get the bad out in private and then I get on with enjoying life.
 
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