Dear younger self,
What the f…!
No, hang on. That’s probably not the best way to start. Let’s try that again.
Look, I won’t waste your time with grand wisdom or dramatic warnings, because neither of us listens to that sort of thing anyway. And no, you don’t improve much on that front. You will do most things the hard way. Or, failing that, the long way. Largely out of stubbornness dressed up as “figuring it out yourself.” Lets just say, fair enough, and leave that part as is.
Just know this: you are not as behind as you think you are, and half the people you assume have it all sorted are winging it with a straight face. So you may as well carry on doing the same. Also, that thing you are worrying about right now? You won’t even remember it properly in ten years time. just a vague feeling and a slightly embarrassing anecdote. The emotion feeling will linger long, but the details won’t. And you will be left wondering what exactly is that past emotion attached to.
You will spend a good chunk of your life trying to get things “just right”. Work, hobbies, decisions, relationships, even how you come across to people. It’s admirable, but honestly, it’s even exhausting for me just thinking back on it. Ease off the throttle occasionally. Not everything needs to be optimised like a machine on a test track. (Yes, that will make sense later.) And when someone in the passenger seat says to you whilst you are driving on the track, “You are f—ing mental!” you will take their words as a great compliment, even if they DO think you’re driving is mental.
Some things, people especially, don’t respond well to being fine-tuned. And while we are at it, you don’t need to have a strong opinion on everything straight away. Let a few things sit. Let some things slide. Silence isn’t failure -- it’s often just thinking. You do plenty of that already. And, as it turns out, you will eventually get paid for your thinking, analysing, and investigating.
Oh, and you will come to appreciate things you currently overlook. Quiet roads, small places, moments where nothing much is happening. The countryside and ancient landscape. Take heed, you will need the quiet ancient landscape at some point in your life. You will need it to keep you sane. You will need it for a sense of belonging. That might not make sense to you now, but when the time comes, search for and embrace that sense of belonging.
You will even enjoy conversations where nobody is trying to get to a point – well, sometimes. Strange, I know. One last thing: take more photos, but don’t forget to actually be there -- in the moment -- when you take them. There’s a balance. You will figure it out… eventually. Just like everything else.
Continue to hold on to your memories and thoughts and feelings from your childhood. The children in your life will appreciate you for it.
Don't forget to asked for help occasionally, even though you don’t like to.
